Page 22 | To tell stepson’s girlfriend she’s not sleeping over again after what I walked in on??

AutumnMum28 · 2025-09-30T13:10:32+00:00

DSS (17) has had his girlfriend over a few times now, I’ve been fine with it, they sit in the living room with snacks and films etc, nothing major. Last night OH was on nights and I went up early with baby (who doesn’t sleep 🙄). Came down about midnight because I’d left washing in the machine and nearly had a heart attack when I walked past the living room… let’s just say I saw FAR too much, blanket half on the floor, both of them half naked 😳 I honestly feel sick even writing this. I didn’t say anything in the moment, just stomped upstairs, but now I feel so uncomfortable in my own house. I’ve got younger DC (10, 5, 17mo) and it just doesn’t sit right at all. He’s technically still in sixth form, under our roof, and I don’t want this kind of thing going on. OH says “he’s nearly an adult, better they’re safe here than in the park” 🙄 but I don’t want my home turning into a hotel room. I don’t even know how to look her in the eye now, poor girl looked mortified too. So AIBU to tell him she’s not sleeping over anymore? Or do I need to suck it up and accept it?

pizzaHeart · 30/09/2025 20:22

@PinkyFlamingo @walkawayytime
posted before reading OP’s updates and didn’t realise it’s his bedroom.

NellieElephantine · 30/09/2025 20:22

Sirzy · 30/09/2025 20:13

So basically you’re saying it’s fine to not provide a space for your child to live if they have another house. Would you say the same if it was a birth mother and the step father was ok with him on the sofa?

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@Sirzy can you imagine the rage of the posters who say this set ups OK and 'why isn't he in his own home?!' Reaction if that was how it was?!

FreyjaOfTheNorth · 30/09/2025 20:25

”he’s technically still in sixth form”. What on earth does that mean? Either he’s in the sixth form or he’s not. No “technically” about it.

Were you never 17, OP?

Anonomoso · 30/09/2025 20:37

Minnie798 · 30/09/2025 19:10

Not ideal, but in doing so at 16 you accept that if you're offered a sofa a sofa is possibly what you're going to get.

At your dad's house? That's hardly stellar parenting is it. His dad has had a second set of kids, without considering the one he already had .

I'd imagine for 16 years he had a perfectly good bed at his mother's house.

How's her parenting, no one's questioned that, of course not, but lets remember it's her he's moved away from. and gone to his DD's/SM's

You could ask at the age of 16 why he gave up that bed and more so why if he's unhappy he's still choosing to sleep on a sofa a year later, he and his girlfriend could find a place of their own.

I'm pretty sure he'd have known where, and on what, he would have been given to sleep on before giving up his previous bed.

So he made a choice based on the information given to him, he could have stayed at his mums house, we have no information on why he left.

A lot of people on here have very little information to go on but are all more than happy to slate off the OP, and we all know it's because she's the step mother.

Very few have answered her question.

I'd also have to ask what kind of people have sex in a house where their parents and younger siblings also live while the doors wide open.
To me that's disrespectful of both him and tge girlfriend.

Minnie798 · 30/09/2025 20:50

Anonomoso · 30/09/2025 20:37

I'd imagine for 16 years he had a perfectly good bed at his mother's house.

How's her parenting, no one's questioned that, of course not, but lets remember it's her he's moved away from. and gone to his DD's/SM's

You could ask at the age of 16 why he gave up that bed and more so why if he's unhappy he's still choosing to sleep on a sofa a year later, he and his girlfriend could find a place of their own.

I'm pretty sure he'd have known where, and on what, he would have been given to sleep on before giving up his previous bed.

So he made a choice based on the information given to him, he could have stayed at his mums house, we have no information on why he left.

A lot of people on here have very little information to go on but are all more than happy to slate off the OP, and we all know it's because she's the step mother.

Very few have answered her question.

I'd also have to ask what kind of people have sex in a house where their parents and younger siblings also live while the doors wide open.
To me that's disrespectful of both him and tge girlfriend.

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You could also ask why he doesn't have a bedroom at his dad's house in the first place ( which should actually be viewed as his house too tbh). He should always have had one shouldnt he? Before the first child with his second wife was even born. Yet two more have been added into the mix since.

InTheMountainsThere · 30/09/2025 21:06

Anonomoso · 30/09/2025 20:37

I'd imagine for 16 years he had a perfectly good bed at his mother's house.

How's her parenting, no one's questioned that, of course not, but lets remember it's her he's moved away from. and gone to his DD's/SM's

You could ask at the age of 16 why he gave up that bed and more so why if he's unhappy he's still choosing to sleep on a sofa a year later, he and his girlfriend could find a place of their own.

I'm pretty sure he'd have known where, and on what, he would have been given to sleep on before giving up his previous bed.

So he made a choice based on the information given to him, he could have stayed at his mums house, we have no information on why he left.

A lot of people on here have very little information to go on but are all more than happy to slate off the OP, and we all know it's because she's the step mother.

Very few have answered her question.

I'd also have to ask what kind of people have sex in a house where their parents and younger siblings also live while the doors wide open.
To me that's disrespectful of both him and tge girlfriend.

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You imagine, but there's no information given - we can equally imagine that his mother is dead or in prison.

Hopefully the whole thing is fictional.

SMAJJ · 30/09/2025 21:16

Goshgoshgosh · 30/09/2025 20:19

I’ve been the step kid on the sofa bed whilst my half siblings luxuriate in their own rooms! It’s not fun and still get annoyed by it many decades later!

Bless you @Goshgoshgosh🌸

Anonomoso · 30/09/2025 21:16

Minnie798 · 30/09/2025 20:50

You could also ask why he doesn't have a bedroom at his dad's house in the first place ( which should actually be viewed as his house too tbh). He should always have had one shouldnt he? Before the first child with his second wife was even born. Yet two more have been added into the mix since.

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How do you know it's not a house she had/owned before she met and married her DH, that's assuming "OH" as called by OPer, is actually her husband and not just her partner, which in that case this wouldn't even be her DSC , and she doesn't want to sell or can't afford to.

Hopefully the boys mum is at least paying CM so who knows maybe if they rent they can consider/afford to move out and rent a bigger house so her son at least has a room of his own while living with his father.

Zempy · 30/09/2025 21:19

@AutumnMum28 surely the baby should be in with you, and the other two DC in second bedroom. Then DSS could have box room.

Or is the Lego a priority over DSS?

TheatricalLife · 30/09/2025 21:25

I wouldn't imagine the OP is ever coming back at this point, so probably pointless us all just guessing at the situation that led to this. We'll never know.

Minnie798 · 30/09/2025 21:26

Anonomoso · 30/09/2025 21:16

How do you know it's not a house she had/owned before she met and married her DH, that's assuming "OH" as called by OPer, is actually her husband and not just her partner, which in that case this wouldn't even be her DSC , and she doesn't want to sell or can't afford to.

Hopefully the boys mum is at least paying CM so who knows maybe if they rent they can consider/afford to move out and rent a bigger house so her son at least has a room of his own while living with his father.

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A child from a previous relationship is part of the package. Whether it was her house prior or not, she knew he had a child.
There are plenty of men without that 'baggage' , for those who are not interested in blending families.

Anonomoso · 30/09/2025 21:30

InTheMountainsThere · 30/09/2025 21:06

You imagine, but there's no information given - we can equally imagine that his mother is dead or in prison.

Hopefully the whole thing is fictional.

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She could also have moved a man into the boys home that treated him as awfully as everyone is making the OP out to be, so for him being at the OPers house is a much better place and he prefers to be there.

She could have kicked him out because she was sick and tired of him and his girlfriend using that home as a hotel.

We will never know unless we're given more information but as the OP hasn't given any its looking like it'll stay that way.

Maybe a post just to get everyone's back up and whip up some more SM hate.

If that's the case
1-0 to the OPer

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 30/09/2025 21:35

I assume you wouldn’t be happy if he walked into your bedroom in the middle of the night, so don’t do it to him. You may not be able to avoid that room being the living room during the day, but at night it is his bedroom and should be treated as such. What did you think was going to be happening with his girlfriend staying over?

Lilyricker · 30/09/2025 21:37

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 30/09/2025 19:00

There we are. Clear as day. It’s not even the stepparent forum and all the step parent haters are out in force. Of course it’s the woman’s fault. Always the woman’s fault.

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But I can bet it was her who wanted the baby...

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 30/09/2025 21:46

Anonomoso · 30/09/2025 20:37

I'd imagine for 16 years he had a perfectly good bed at his mother's house.

How's her parenting, no one's questioned that, of course not, but lets remember it's her he's moved away from. and gone to his DD's/SM's

You could ask at the age of 16 why he gave up that bed and more so why if he's unhappy he's still choosing to sleep on a sofa a year later, he and his girlfriend could find a place of their own.

I'm pretty sure he'd have known where, and on what, he would have been given to sleep on before giving up his previous bed.

So he made a choice based on the information given to him, he could have stayed at his mums house, we have no information on why he left.

A lot of people on here have very little information to go on but are all more than happy to slate off the OP, and we all know it's because she's the step mother.

Very few have answered her question.

I'd also have to ask what kind of people have sex in a house where their parents and younger siblings also live while the doors wide open.
To me that's disrespectful of both him and tge girlfriend.

Show quote history

OP is getting called out because she is the one on here posting her clear annoyance at having to be inconvenienced by her DSS living there

We don't know if the doors were open or if OP opened the doors to walk through his private sleeping area (I wouldn't be happy with someone walking through if I was asleep) or if there is no privacy there. They might well have expected privacy.

Why he has to sleep in the living room is pertinent to the question and answers telling OP that sleeping arrangements need looking at are valid

FuzzyWolf · 30/09/2025 21:51

I just don’t know what the right balance is, like I get he’s nearly grown up but surely in OUR family living room when the little ones could come down any time isn’t on??

It isn’t YOUR family living room though. He lives with you full time and it’s his bedroom. Tell him to keep the door closed and put a stair gate up to stop your children from walking downstairs in the middle of the night.

Lilyricker · 30/09/2025 21:51

Summergarden · 30/09/2025 18:53

Exactly this. I feel very sorry for the SS. No privacy of his own despite existing first, because his DF and SM felt the need to keep having several extra DCs there wasn’t really room for.

I’ll never understand how people can continue to pro create without a thought as to the effect on existing DCs and DSCs… let alone have the audacity to blame them for not keeping sex to their privacy of their own space when they haven’t been afforded any!

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Thank you! I follow a dating educator in IG who also does a podcast sort of thing. One of the questions recently was from a woman who was about 41 saying that her partner initially didn't want kids but had now changed his mind. This woman was asking about all the options (she didnt really want another kid in her 40s), but she never once mentioned the impact that having another baby might have on her teenage children who still lived at home. Just didn't seem to be a concern 🙄

Soontobesingles · 30/09/2025 22:13

Anonomoso · 30/09/2025 20:37

I'd imagine for 16 years he had a perfectly good bed at his mother's house.

How's her parenting, no one's questioned that, of course not, but lets remember it's her he's moved away from. and gone to his DD's/SM's

You could ask at the age of 16 why he gave up that bed and more so why if he's unhappy he's still choosing to sleep on a sofa a year later, he and his girlfriend could find a place of their own.

I'm pretty sure he'd have known where, and on what, he would have been given to sleep on before giving up his previous bed.

So he made a choice based on the information given to him, he could have stayed at his mums house, we have no information on why he left.

A lot of people on here have very little information to go on but are all more than happy to slate off the OP, and we all know it's because she's the step mother.

Very few have answered her question.

I'd also have to ask what kind of people have sex in a house where their parents and younger siblings also live while the doors wide open.
To me that's disrespectful of both him and tge girlfriend.

Show quote history

I’m a stepmother and I often get slated on here for my views but honestly having 17 yo sofa surf in his own home so a younger step sibling can have a ‘Lego shrine’ is appalling. Teenagers need space. They have a right to explore sexually and for that exploration not to be in the family living room!

Anonomoso · 30/09/2025 22:21

We don't know if the doors were open or if OP opened the doors to walk through his private sleeping area (I wouldn't be happy with someone walking through if I was asleep) or if there is no privacy there

From OP...

when I walked past the living room

Doesn't sound like she either opened or walked through his sleeping area.
More that he or his girlfriend didn't bother to close the sleeping area door before they chose to have sex.

Tropicana46 · 30/09/2025 22:36

Anonomoso · 30/09/2025 22:21

We don't know if the doors were open or if OP opened the doors to walk through his private sleeping area (I wouldn't be happy with someone walking through if I was asleep) or if there is no privacy there

From OP...

when I walked past the living room

Doesn't sound like she either opened or walked through his sleeping area.
More that he or his girlfriend didn't bother to close the sleeping area door before they chose to have sex.

It could be open plan but we won't know unless OP clarifies and I doubt she's coming back.

Anonomoso · 30/09/2025 22:37

Soontobesingles · 30/09/2025 22:13

I’m a stepmother and I often get slated on here for my views but honestly having 17 yo sofa surf in his own home so a younger step sibling can have a ‘Lego shrine’ is appalling. Teenagers need space. They have a right to explore sexually and for that exploration not to be in the family living room!

Show quote history

Totally understand what you're saying.

If a room in the house where he is living can't be found maybe a solution is for both his birth mother and father to offer to help him and fund a place of his own where he and his girlfriend can have all the privacy they need.

Soontobesingles · 30/09/2025 23:05

Anonomoso · 30/09/2025 22:37

Totally understand what you're saying.

If a room in the house where he is living can't be found maybe a solution is for both his birth mother and father to offer to help him and fund a place of his own where he and his girlfriend can have all the privacy they need.

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In this specific situation they have many options: OP and dad bring baby into their room, 10 and 5 yo share and Ss has box room. OP and dad sleep in lounge and ss has their room, mum and dad move to Lego room, 3 younger ones share main room and ss in box room. Or even just agree 10pm-8am has private use of lounge. They are giving no options whatsoever for ss to have privacy. If OP agreed to ss living with them, she needs to reasonably accommodate him according to his needs. Expecting him to kip in the longest while she nips in and out at all hours even when he has a gf over is not in any way acceptable. If she doesn’t want ss there then that’s a conversation with her husband, but to have him live there and make him so unwelcome is unforgivable in my view. His mother has nothing to do with this as she doesn’t live there.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 30/09/2025 23:28

Anonomoso · 30/09/2025 22:21

We don't know if the doors were open or if OP opened the doors to walk through his private sleeping area (I wouldn't be happy with someone walking through if I was asleep) or if there is no privacy there

From OP...

when I walked past the living room

Doesn't sound like she either opened or walked through his sleeping area.
More that he or his girlfriend didn't bother to close the sleeping area door before they chose to have sex.

If it's open plan, you might still say "walked past"

GameWheelsAlarm · 30/09/2025 23:49

AutumnMum28 · 30/09/2025 14:31

No he doesn’t even have his own room 😩 that’s half the issue!! We’ve only got 3 bedrooms so DS1 has his little Lego shrine room, the 2 little ones (5 + baby) are crammed in the box room, and me + OH in the main. DSS has been on a sofa bed in the living room since he moved in full time last year. It’s not ideal but what can we do, can’t magic another room.

I haven’t spoken to him yet, OH just sort of shrugged and said “he’s nearly 18, leave him be” 🙄 which is easy for him to say when he wasn’t the one who walked in!! I feel so awkward I can’t even look at DSS this morning, he just sloped off to sixth form like nothing happened. Not sure if OH will actually say anything to him either tbh, he hates confrontation.

I just don’t know what the right balance is, like I get he’s nearly grown up but surely in OUR family living room when the little ones could come down any time isn’t on??

If he's living with you full time he needs his own room. How horrible to have his only sleeping space being the family lounge.

You need to have the baby in with you in the main bedroom, and have DS1 & 5Yo share the larger room so SS can have the box room. If that can't work then OH and SS will have to leave and rent a 2-bed flat without the rest of you. It's ultimately his dad's responsibility to provide his child with a home and he is totally failing at that. Sleeping on your sofa in your lounge is not being provided with a home, it is being slapped in the face every day by how unwelcome and inconvenient his existence is

JMSA · 01/10/2025 00:02

Only half naked? 😄