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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling a bit annoyed this morning - AIBU?

176 replies

lastdayofseptember · 30/09/2025 12:00

I really can’t work out why this has annoyed me so much.

DS is four, just started reception. It’s a small school and they made a big thing of it being like a family, friendly and small.

DS is happy with me walking him to the playground but plenty of children have their parents accompany them to the actual class, which is still outdoors. (I can see that having several parents in a classroom would be an issue.)

This morning was a rare time just me and DS as DH didn’t need to leave for work until 10, so kept our toddler at home while I took DS so I walked him to the classroom. As I approached the teacher tutted and said ‘oh DS, YOU don’t need walking to the classroom.’

It has really annoyed me. It’s made me feel like we did something wrong, which fine if we did but I don’t understand what when others are doing it. I felt like a big nuisance and as if I was in the way.

I know I’m opening myself up to all sorts of horrible criticism here and I am not going to say a word but it has annoyed me quite a bit. Wondering if others would feel the same or if I’m being silly.

OP posts:
magicscares · 30/09/2025 12:06

Sounds like an odd response from teacher- do you feel able to speak to the teacher about what they meant after school? Perhaps there was a miscommunication.

FairyBatman · 30/09/2025 12:07

Is it parents of children with SEN or anxious children who are taking a bit longer to settle that are being walked in?

magicscares · 30/09/2025 12:08

Just reread & it sounds like a space issue? Not wanting parents coming up to the classroom to avoid crowding perhaps.

Livelaughlurgy · 30/09/2025 12:11

In ours the goal is for the kids to go by themselves, those who need it have their parents walk them to the door. So I'd imagine the teacher just saw it as a regression. She's not wrong, he doesn't need anyone walking him to the room, you just wanted to.

TheatricalLife · 30/09/2025 12:13

I'd imagine the teacher is trying to slowly cut out the parents in the classroom thing as it's really disruptive in the morning. Wasn't allowed at all when mine were at school as it was chaos in a small village primary and really delayed the start of the day. It was hard to supervise what was going on in a packed cloakroom full of parents and some of those who had come in alone then got upset as their parent wasn't inside. It really delayed a calm start to the day.
However, thats not you fault obviously! I'm sure she was just exasperated and meant nothing nasty by it

Lucy5678 · 30/09/2025 12:13

Sounds like it was a throwaway off the cuff remark that might have been harsher than intended. I expect they’re encouraging all children to be dropped in the playground but maybe as that’s what you usually do already they’ve not specifically told you to do that. I’d try and forget about it if it’s a one off. Not every single interaction with every single school adult is going to be absolutely ideal, they’re human too.

GAJLY · 30/09/2025 12:22

What do the other children do? I would encourage mine to do the same thing.

Sunshineismyfavourite · 30/09/2025 12:24

Those children being taken in by parents will be the ones who have difficulty settling and have attachment issues and/or SEN. From what you have said I think the teacher saw your DS and was surprised to see him with you bringing him in. She may have been concerned in the moment that your DS was having a wobble so her words sound to me like some tough love, Oh you come in on your own - you don't need Mum - kind of thing.
I don't expect for a minute that the teacher was judging you at all. Morning drop offs are a pretty stressful part of the day. I wouldn't think any more of it - but would drop DS in his usual spot from now on!

DaisyChain505 · 30/09/2025 12:24

Th end game is for kids to go in by themselves.

If your son has been perfectly fine going in alone you are risking him regressing and starting to demand you come with him or be upset at drop off.

It must be a pain in the backside for the teachers to have parents coming into the classroom and pandering over their children instead of dropping and going because we all know it’s typical of children to have the tears etc when parents are there but they second they leave they stop and just get on with it.

Original poster
lastdayofseptember · 30/09/2025 12:24

I don’t have an issue at all with not going up to the classroom. I just don’t understand why others are doing it and have been since the start of term. I can understand that they may wish to phase this out, but since this hasn’t been communicated it is really unclear.

And I guess just because DS hasn’t been upset doesn’t mean he never will be and I don’t like the way it seems to have been stated that he doesn’t need his mother!

The other children don’t have any diagnosed SEN but who knows. I guess my issue is that nothing has been said. I wouldn’t mind at all if a general notice went out asking parents to try to avoid dropping children at the classroom but as it is I feel like I’ve done something everyone else is doing but an being pulled up?

Thanks for being by nice though … thought I’d be annihilated on here 😂

OP posts:
Boxfuls · 30/09/2025 12:26

Yes, she was just remarking that he doesn't usually need it. They'll be trying to wean the other DC/parents off it too.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 30/09/2025 12:27

What they mean is your child is independent, and walking from the playground. They want the rest to get there too, so you walking him to the door is stepping backwards.

They should just tell all the parents to stop, tbh.

This is a win for you guys; your son is happy, independent and well-adjusted.

Whoowhoopitstbesoundofthedapolice · 30/09/2025 12:28

I see both sides of it.

As a parent I would have found that comment abit snide and been annoyed but working in a school I can see it as encouraging the child to be independant and building them up (at least I hope that's what the teacher was going for).

Defo a have a rant and let it go type of thing but your not unreasonable for feeling miffed imo.

Original poster
lastdayofseptember · 30/09/2025 12:28

They should just tell all the parents to stop, tbh

Rather than single one out? Agreed! It’s THAT I am annoyed about.

OP posts:
DappledThings · 30/09/2025 12:29

You're massively overthinking. She's obviously been happy he's been happy going on his own up till now and wanted to positively reinforce that he is doing really well and being independent. It wasn't a criticism of you or intended to be taken away for analysis.

Ablondiebutagoody · 30/09/2025 12:31

They want to increase the kid's independence. It's a good thing that DS doesn't need you to walk him to the classroom and the teacher's comment was a compliment to DS. The total opposite of something to be annoyed about. Teachers really cannot win!

SillyQuail · 30/09/2025 12:34

I wouldn't like this comment either - it's essentially shaming your son, and like you say it's normal that there might be days when he does need you and days when he doesn't. My 5yo is normally very confident and barely even says goodbye when I drop him off at preschool but there's the odd time when he's unusually reluctant or needs an extra cuddle and I wouldn't like it if a teacher made a negative comment about it and shamed him for it, it might make him feel like he's not allowed to want his mum sometimes, even if other kids are, which is ludicrous

AmyDuPlantier · 30/09/2025 12:35

She was encouraging his independence which he has shown thus far. Don’t overthink it.

Princesspollyyy · 30/09/2025 12:39

How do you know the other kids don’t have any sen diagnosed?

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 30/09/2025 12:41

lastdayofseptember · 30/09/2025 12:28

They should just tell all the parents to stop, tbh

Rather than single one out? Agreed! It’s THAT I am annoyed about.

Yes. Thus does on at DC’s school and there are some parents still walking to the door in Y6, even though there is a drop off lane we are ‘encouraged’ to use from Y1/Y2.

It’s good your son just goes straight in.

DappledThings · 30/09/2025 12:41

it's essentially shaming your son
It really isn't. It's complimenting him on his usual confidence and independence. I don't think it was meant negatively in the least

Original poster
lastdayofseptember · 30/09/2025 12:41

AmyDuPlantier · 30/09/2025 12:35

She was encouraging his independence which he has shown thus far. Don’t overthink it.

So why can’t there be a general message in the parent hub requesting parents not to drop off at the classroom unless their child is distressed, or even mention to me individually?

DS is my first child and primary school is a mystery to me. I’ve been seeing parents walk up to the classroom every day and the only reason I haven’t is because I’ve usually got my toddler with me. So suddenly being rebuked for doing something a lot of others are caught me off guard a bit.

It isn’t just that, there are a few things that have niggled but that’s really bothered me and I don’t like that. I want the relationship to be one of mutual respect but I felt like a nuisance this morning!

OP posts:
Original poster
lastdayofseptember · 30/09/2025 12:42

DappledThings · 30/09/2025 12:41

it's essentially shaming your son
It really isn't. It's complimenting him on his usual confidence and independence. I don't think it was meant negatively in the least

Possibly not but I didn’t take it that way and I don’t think DS did either, although I’m sure he won’t give it much thought.

OP posts:
CharlieKirkRIP · 30/09/2025 12:42

“Good morning Mrs Smith! I know little Johnny can walk to class by himself but this morning I wanted to come with him.”

Why can’t people communicate anymore and have to keep silent and then brood about it? 🤷🏼‍♀️

AmyDuPlantier · 30/09/2025 12:43

I reeeeally think you’re taking it wrong if you think it was a ‘rebuke’.

Honestly, calm down, it’s such a nothing throwaway comment.

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