Feeling a bit annoyed this morning - AIBU?

[lastdayofseptember]

I really can’t work out why this has annoyed me so much.

DS is four, just started reception. It’s a small school and they made a big thing of it being like a family, friendly and small.

DS is happy with me walking him to the playground but plenty of children have their parents accompany them to the actual class, which is still outdoors. (I can see that having several parents in a classroom would be an issue.)

This morning was a rare time just me and DS as DH didn’t need to leave for work until 10, so kept our toddler at home while I took DS so I walked him to the classroom. As I approached the teacher tutted and said ‘oh DS, YOU don’t need walking to the classroom.’

It has really annoyed me. It’s made me feel like we did something wrong, which fine if we did but I don’t understand what when others are doing it. I felt like a big nuisance and as if I was in the way.

I know I’m opening myself up to all sorts of horrible criticism here and I am not going to say a word but it has annoyed me quite a bit. Wondering if others would feel the same or if I’m being silly.

Exactly this! I think she meant it like "oh OP DC, you don't need help coming in, you're a big boy" type of thing. It's probably a compliment that they don't think he needs help

So dependent on tone. I could imagine my DDs reception teacher saying exactly the same to her many years ago. Is your son calm and sensible? Pretty grown up and chatty for 4? That's the type of child I think a teacher might say this to with no malice intended.

He did nothing wrong; it was me, and I didn’t know!
No, nobody did anything wrong. Nobody was told they did anything wrong. You're determined to keep like you've been publicly shamed for breaking a rule when nothing of the sort has happened.

I’m not really determined to do anything. I just have my own feelings about what happened. Intentionally or otherwise it made me feel unwelcome and like a pain; not really things you want to feel at a school you’ll be going to for nine years.

You think having an everyday conversation is an event?

You are being very dramatic and creating drama where there is none.

Consider why your conversation skills are lacking and what you can do to improve them.

You also need to address why you take offence at constructive criticism and why you have mistaken a perfectly normal comment and blown it up to feel like you have been ‘scolded.’

I think you’re posting about a really minor/petty thing and you should be able to sort this without needing opinions from the internet. Like as a parent, you’re gonna need to figure this kind of minor exchange out by yourself because you’re going to come across it often.

I am @ChangingWeight , agreed. Although I do feel better having posted about it so I don’t think it was a bad thing I posted and got the annoyance out a bit.

@CharlieKirkRIP criticising something I did to my four year old in front of me isn’t a conversation. A conversation would have been ‘he’s doing so well coming in himself, would you mind dropping him at the gate tomorrow?’ to which I, reasonable soul reply ‘yes, certainly!’

To be honest there haven’t been any conversations to speak of which does leave you feeling a bit at sea. However, I haven’t navigated the primary world yet!

criticising something I did to my four year old in front of me isn’t a conversation
It wasn't a criticism!

Crikey I only stopped doing this last year at the beginning of year 5! YANBU it’s still all new to him, poor little lad

Of course it was! Don’t be obtuse

@DappledThings i realise that it is possible to see ill intent where there is none and to become hostile and paranoid. I am confident I’m not one of those people and I generally give people the benefit of the doubt.

It’s also possible to be the other extreme and be rhinoceros like in not taking on board polite hints and rebukes from others. I’m not like that either. It was definitely a rebuke!

I'm not. It was a recognition of how well he's been doing so far and an expression of support for him to carry on as he has been. Taking it as a criticism or a telling off or a suggestion there has been a rule broken is a choice OP is making and a it's a choice that's making her entirely unnecessarily concerned.

Yes, it definitely was. I don’t want to go through life like a hissing cat, swiping and spitting at everyone, but I am not blundering through it like an elephant either, cheerfully oblivious to when I’ve pissed people off!

If it's any consolation, when my DS was 4 and at preschool I asked to increase his hours to the full 15. His teacher looked at me and said 'I'll need a drink at the end of week then, I hope you are buying!'. I took it really badly 😬 DS had just been given his formal diagnosis of autism and I was feeling really up in the air and sensitive anyway, but this really tipped me over the edge. Especially as DS was absolutely no trouble at all -he's always been quiet, kind and easy.
Anyway, it felt like a real jab and embarrassingly, I burst into tears which is very unlike me. The teacher was mortified and so apologetic. She said she'd meant it in a totally different way than it was taken, and she only meant it jokingly and in a haha, if I do you a favour, you can buy me a drink way. It just came out in the wrong way.
Hasn't ever left my mind though, and DS is 18! Sometimes people just say stuff which hits a nerve, even if it was never the intention to.

That would have upset me as well @TheatricalLife .

I know one of the issues has been the contrast with nursery, which was just so lovely and welcoming and friendly. The school really sold this to me and it just hasn’t emerged at all, which is a disappointment. It isn’t nursery and I do need to remind myself of that.

Yes it’s a bit weird that she said that. Teachers are just people though, and sometimes say annoying and/or daft things.

At our school all kids are walked right up to their classroom door until Yr 2. After that we’re supposed to drop them at the gate but half the parents still walk their bigger kids to the classroom- and some even go in!

What a lot of drama over nothing!

Certainly it’ll be a long 9 years for everyone if this is your reaction to absolutely nothing.

It’s completely normal for teachers to encourage this children who are confident going in to do it on their own. The goal is to get all the children doing it. It’s not nursery.

So literally, ‘drama’ in your book is ‘woman felt a bit annoyed, woman posted thread on MN?’

That is your idea of drama?

I was a teacher for many years @lastdayofseptember I honestly would not have made a comment like that to you. There could have been any number of reasons why on that particular day you were walking your son to the classroom. Other parents are doing it on a regular basis (irrespective of their reasons). So why would it matter that you were also doing it on just one particular day? Yes lack of space yada yada! I would have been a bit irritated as well. Obviously if it started happening every day going forward I might then have had a quiet word with you as to any issues that might have arisen to cause the change. As a ‘one off’ no I wouldn’t have said anything. I do agree though you will have to grow a thicker skin OP as this sort of thing will unfortunately crop up in schools.

The drama is the insistence that you've been "scolded" and that a throwaway comment made with positive intent to support your son in remaining confident has made you feel unwelcome and questioning your entire relationship with the school

My ‘reaction’ is to feel a bit pissed off.

That is it.

I am a human and things do sometimes piss me off, fairly or otherwise. If I think someone has been really rude or I think something was very inconsiderate I may say something. As a rule I don’t and I get over it quite quickly. I haven’t been screaming and swearing, I’ve just admitted to feeling a little bit annoyed and a bit disappointed.

That’s it. I rather think some of you want to make out that this is more than it is because at heart you’re the ones seeking drama. I generally avoid it!

Oh I’m not insisting anything. I’m telling you. You’re choosing to ignore it but that doesn’t make your insistence correct. You weren’t there; I was. It was absolutely a telling off.

Thanks @Foundress . Hopefully it was just a slightly clumsy moment for us both.

I'm not ignoring it, I just maintain it's a choice for you to feel told off. But I'll leave you to feeling that way if you want to