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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling a bit annoyed this morning - AIBU?

176 replies

lastdayofseptember · 30/09/2025 12:00

I really can’t work out why this has annoyed me so much.

DS is four, just started reception. It’s a small school and they made a big thing of it being like a family, friendly and small.

DS is happy with me walking him to the playground but plenty of children have their parents accompany them to the actual class, which is still outdoors. (I can see that having several parents in a classroom would be an issue.)

This morning was a rare time just me and DS as DH didn’t need to leave for work until 10, so kept our toddler at home while I took DS so I walked him to the classroom. As I approached the teacher tutted and said ‘oh DS, YOU don’t need walking to the classroom.’

It has really annoyed me. It’s made me feel like we did something wrong, which fine if we did but I don’t understand what when others are doing it. I felt like a big nuisance and as if I was in the way.

I know I’m opening myself up to all sorts of horrible criticism here and I am not going to say a word but it has annoyed me quite a bit. Wondering if others would feel the same or if I’m being silly.

OP posts:
HelpMeUnpickThis · 30/09/2025 20:33

lastdayofseptember · 30/09/2025 19:51

@HelpMeUnpickThis you don’t need to ‘repeat.’ I read it the first time. This really is as simple as DS’s teacher spoke to me in a way I didn’t appreciate and it has brought to the forefront some slightly uneasy feelings I’ve had about the school. I don’t need to psychoanalyse myself.

Thanks for explaining to me that the school doesn’t cater to my moods. I wouldn’t have been able to work that out without your help.

Interesting when you were going through a hard time you wanted special treatment but when I want basic courtesy it isn’t permitted, apparently.

ps @lastdayofseptember I didnt WANT special treatment. My children needed it because their father broke my leg in 2 places and gave me a concussion in front of them.

nutbrownhare15 · 30/09/2025 20:39

She's thinking about it from a class management perspective. Children start school too young in my opinion so she will have lots of children in her class who are struggling with separation. They will be making her life difficult in the mornings and she wants this to be minimised. Part of this will be about wanting the children in general to be more independent. Of course from your perspective there's no reason why you shouldn't walk him if you want to, he is four after all. It's the school system that's the problem really as it often wants to make children for institutional boxes before they are ready.

Original poster
lastdayofseptember · 30/09/2025 20:57

I don’t mind in the slightest being asked not to accompany DS to the classroom. It really isn’t a problem at all.

My issue was the way it was done. I just … didn’t like it. I’m not going to mention anything (or accompany DS again!) but I didn’t really appreciate it.

OP posts:
Han86 · 30/09/2025 21:13

Maybe ask another parent what the process is? It sounds like quite a small school so maybe they are happy for children to walk across the playground unaccompanied and have been pleased your child has done that so far. May be your interpretation of the tone is not what they intended - maybe they were actually meaning that it's unusual for them to come into school with mummy, and this was their way of enquiring as to whether something was wrong or to jolly them along.
In my school we are more worried when a child arrives without a parent at the door, though we have a soft start with children having a 15 minute timeframe to arrive. The teacher or TA stands at the door to greet children and parents can also catch the staff member if they need to. If a child in KS1 comes in and we don't spot their parent, we normally check whether anyone else saw them and if it happens a few times I think it is raised as a safeguarding issue. So I don't think you are overthinking it, it just may be different in your school.
My friends school for example doesn't do this at all and children arrive at a specific time and are lined up to go into their classroom. Parents are not welcome to stay and any messages go via the office.

Cornishclio · 30/09/2025 21:36

I think the comment was unnecessary and if they don’t want parents coming in to the classroom they should issue a notice to everyone. Not just single you out.

HerNeighbourTotoro · 30/09/2025 21:38

lastdayofseptember · 30/09/2025 12:24

I don’t have an issue at all with not going up to the classroom. I just don’t understand why others are doing it and have been since the start of term. I can understand that they may wish to phase this out, but since this hasn’t been communicated it is really unclear.

And I guess just because DS hasn’t been upset doesn’t mean he never will be and I don’t like the way it seems to have been stated that he doesn’t need his mother!

The other children don’t have any diagnosed SEN but who knows. I guess my issue is that nothing has been said. I wouldn’t mind at all if a general notice went out asking parents to try to avoid dropping children at the classroom but as it is I feel like I’ve done something everyone else is doing but an being pulled up?

Thanks for being by nice though … thought I’d be annihilated on here 😂

Others are doing it because they would have had a conversation with the school and were allowed to, and the school should not be discussing it with other parents because... it's non of your business.
I really hate armchair experts who grace us with nuggets along the lines "those children don't have sen"; how so you know? Did you diagnose them by looking at them?

Original poster
lastdayofseptember · 30/09/2025 21:43

@HerNeighbourTotoro I am sure. I don’t know or care (as in, it is none of my business) why others are doing it. But if no one’s told me ‘don’t walk your child in’ I don’t know.

Now someone has; I won’t do it again. I just didn’t massively appreciate the method of delivery.

Thanks @Han86 and @Cornishclio .

OP posts:
DappledThings · 30/09/2025 21:54

lastdayofseptember · 30/09/2025 21:43

@HerNeighbourTotoro I am sure. I don’t know or care (as in, it is none of my business) why others are doing it. But if no one’s told me ‘don’t walk your child in’ I don’t know.

Now someone has; I won’t do it again. I just didn’t massively appreciate the method of delivery.

Thanks @Han86 and @Cornishclio .

But nobody has told you you aren't allowed to. It was made clear that they don't think your son needs it and it is preferable not to. Not that you aren't allowed.

It being preferable to the school is hardly surprising.

Original poster
lastdayofseptember · 30/09/2025 22:05

It would be extremely pig headed to continue doing so when it has been made clear it has not been met with approval, and I am not in the habit of being pig headed.

If I was, though, it might be worth them communicating their preferences to me directly.

OP posts:
FeetLikeFlippers · 01/10/2025 18:36

I think I understand the teacher’s viewpoint but her passive-aggressive response was unprofessional, unpleasant, unnecessary and ultimately unhelpful. If there is an issue she should speak to you about it directly, not make some snide remark to your DS in the hope that you will overhear it and understand what it’s supposed to mean! It’s also not nice for her speak to a child like that, he probably spent the day worrying that he’d done something wrong. I think next time you see this teacher you should ask her what she meant and ask her to explain their policy about drop-offs.

GiveDogBone · 01/10/2025 18:39

“I really can’t work out why this has annoyed me so much.”

You’re not the only one. It’s a very simple comment by the teacher encouraging him to maintain his independence.

FeetLikeFlippers · 01/10/2025 18:41

DappledThings · 30/09/2025 21:54

But nobody has told you you aren't allowed to. It was made clear that they don't think your son needs it and it is preferable not to. Not that you aren't allowed.

It being preferable to the school is hardly surprising.

Show quote history

If was in absolutely no way “made clear” - the teacher didn’t even speak to her directly let alone explain what the problem was - she passive-aggressively said something to a child so that his parent would overhear it - that’s unprofessional and unhelpful and probably made poor DS feel like it was his fault.

DappledThings · 01/10/2025 18:58

FeetLikeFlippers · 01/10/2025 18:41

If was in absolutely no way “made clear” - the teacher didn’t even speak to her directly let alone explain what the problem was - she passive-aggressively said something to a child so that his parent would overhear it - that’s unprofessional and unhelpful and probably made poor DS feel like it was his fault.

Show quote history

I very much doubt the child even heard, far less that he took anything from it. If he did and has been worrying about it he can be told it was the compliment it was, that he is doing great and the teacher is really pleased he's been showing such great independence.

Just because OP misinterpreted it as a telling off doesn't mean her son did too.

Wildefish · 01/10/2025 19:12

lastdayofseptember · 30/09/2025 12:00

I really can’t work out why this has annoyed me so much.

DS is four, just started reception. It’s a small school and they made a big thing of it being like a family, friendly and small.

DS is happy with me walking him to the playground but plenty of children have their parents accompany them to the actual class, which is still outdoors. (I can see that having several parents in a classroom would be an issue.)

This morning was a rare time just me and DS as DH didn’t need to leave for work until 10, so kept our toddler at home while I took DS so I walked him to the classroom. As I approached the teacher tutted and said ‘oh DS, YOU don’t need walking to the classroom.’

It has really annoyed me. It’s made me feel like we did something wrong, which fine if we did but I don’t understand what when others are doing it. I felt like a big nuisance and as if I was in the way.

I know I’m opening myself up to all sorts of horrible criticism here and I am not going to say a word but it has annoyed me quite a bit. Wondering if others would feel the same or if I’m being silly.

I’m thinking that they want as few parents as possible walking kids to classroom. The ones that do probably have additional needs or very shy. Take it as a compliment that your son is doing well. Also school is going to get harder so try not to take things to heart.

ilovegranny · 01/10/2025 19:13

She singled him out, and that was wrong. Some teachers are just horrible and nasty.

Original poster
lastdayofseptember · 01/10/2025 20:13

How could he not hear? She said it TO him Hmm

Anyway, I am over it 😂 It has soured my view of the school a bit, but to be honest I think I’m just underwhelmed generally by it. Maybe most primaries are the same.

OP posts:
Spinmerightroundbaby · 01/10/2025 20:39

Lucy5678 · 30/09/2025 12:13

Sounds like it was a throwaway off the cuff remark that might have been harsher than intended. I expect they’re encouraging all children to be dropped in the playground but maybe as that’s what you usually do already they’ve not specifically told you to do that. I’d try and forget about it if it’s a one off. Not every single interaction with every single school adult is going to be absolutely ideal, they’re human too.

I’d agree. Not worth following up. Irksome and would’ve annoyed me too but I’d have brushed it off and got on with my day. Lots of other good pearls of wisdom here too.

SistaPB · 01/10/2025 21:55

lastdayofseptember · 30/09/2025 16:50

There isn’t a corridor. I don’t think I’m ‘supposed’ to be on the playground at all but since no one has told me that I didn’t know!

So why not just ask?!
honestly what a drama over nothing. The teacher is probably really busy in the morning and just trying to show encouragement to your son for showing independence.
You seem to twist everyone’s words and turn everything into an argument

IsThistheMiddleofNowhere · 01/10/2025 22:18

I think you're reading too much into it. She was probably just trying to make your DS feel proud and grown up as he usually walks across the playground on his own. I'd just let go of it.

Biskieboo · 01/10/2025 22:26

DappledThings · 30/09/2025 12:29

You're massively overthinking. She's obviously been happy he's been happy going on his own up till now and wanted to positively reinforce that he is doing really well and being independent. It wasn't a criticism of you or intended to be taken away for analysis.

Yep, it seems pretty obvious that this is it. The teacher said the son didn't need taking into the classroom by mum because...he didn't need taking into the classroom by mum. It's not the calculated insult the OP thinks it is.

GoldPoster · 01/10/2025 22:56

I’m afraid teachers make me nervous and always have done. Unfortunately my FIL was a teacher, my SIL was a teacher and my DIL is a teacher. Apologies to teachers, but they all make me very tense.

Grammarninja · 01/10/2025 23:38

I guarantee the teacher didn't mean to insult you. I'm a teacher and I'd say, if anything, she was trying to help you out as it probably appeared as though he'd regressed a little which would make your dropoffs more time-consuming. It's a bit like when a child asks you to help them do something you know they are well capable of. You remind them that they are well able to e.g. put their own shoes on and encourage them to do so.

Noname973 · 02/10/2025 12:39

OP I never spoke to my children's reception teacher until parents evening. They'd trot of in the morning and come running out at the end of the day. (and both mine have SEN). My 3rd hasnt started school yet, but he took a full year to settle into nursery so not sure how school will go down!

Original poster
lastdayofseptember · 02/10/2025 12:50

Noname973 · 02/10/2025 12:39

OP I never spoke to my children's reception teacher until parents evening. They'd trot of in the morning and come running out at the end of the day. (and both mine have SEN). My 3rd hasnt started school yet, but he took a full year to settle into nursery so not sure how school will go down!

Yes, I’m seeing this is the way of the land so to speak!

OP posts:
Wildefish · 02/10/2025 15:46

lastdayofseptember · 02/10/2025 12:50

Yes, I’m seeing this is the way of the land so to speak!

Show quote history

The teachers are trying to get to know the children and it’s very difficult for them at the start as the children need to settle in. They become much more communicative when they know your child better. They are very busy.

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