Feeling a bit annoyed this morning - AIBU?

[lastdayofseptember]

I really can’t work out why this has annoyed me so much.

DS is four, just started reception. It’s a small school and they made a big thing of it being like a family, friendly and small.

DS is happy with me walking him to the playground but plenty of children have their parents accompany them to the actual class, which is still outdoors. (I can see that having several parents in a classroom would be an issue.)

This morning was a rare time just me and DS as DH didn’t need to leave for work until 10, so kept our toddler at home while I took DS so I walked him to the classroom. As I approached the teacher tutted and said ‘oh DS, YOU don’t need walking to the classroom.’

It has really annoyed me. It’s made me feel like we did something wrong, which fine if we did but I don’t understand what when others are doing it. I felt like a big nuisance and as if I was in the way.

I know I’m opening myself up to all sorts of horrible criticism here and I am not going to say a word but it has annoyed me quite a bit. Wondering if others would feel the same or if I’m being silly.

The thing is that without wanting to sound ridiculous, it is a cultural shift when your kid starts school and you have to be in schools again if you haven't been for a long time. There definitely ARE unwritten rules that you can fall foul of and you definitely DO get told off like a 5 yr old if you get them wrong. School has all sorts of memories for you I'm sure and it's very easy to be catapulted back into feeling like a little kid who has put the scissors in the wrong tray or whatever. So basically be kind to yourself and also be like one of those kids in your class who just didn't give a shit about being told off as it's much easier. Also if you can join the PTA because although it can be a massive pain in the arse to do, that's the best way to cultivate the family feeling you're after (including family politics and arguments!) for yourself. Basically, be nice to yourself, it's an adjustment if you're an overthinker.

I think you need to grow a thicker skin.

It's not a big deal and you don't need to make it an issue.

It doesn’t sound ridiculous; it’s helpful

I would actually have liked to go to the first PTA meeting but it was at 730 on an evening DH was away so no childcare.

At the moment, I’m definitely feeling like I am in the way and a big nuisance which is horrible. Your comment about feeling like the kid who put the scissors in the wrong tray made me laugh - that’s EXACTLY how I feel, and it does make you feel like a four year old yourself!

I haven’t made it an issue, and I don’t plan to, as I clearly said in the first post.

From your description, the teacher made an attempt to let you know that this isn’t how things work without having to ‘have a word’ during which she’s outed the kids with additional needs.

Also you won’t necessarily know who has SEND, the changing demands of the school can cause more issues, also people don’t wear tshirts with it on.

Of course they don’t, but you do generally know in a school that is very small. I realise special needs are on the rise but there are not twelve four year olds with a diagnosis in a class of fifteen!

When you let your DC walk in alone are you within ear shot of the teacher?

Is it a case of she says the same things to other DC everyday but their parents just don't listen and do as they please anyway.

You don’t always, my son moved to special school having been in nursery and primary including out of school clubs. Only his best friend knew he had SEND it turns out.

You assume you’re coming from a place of knowledge that maybe you aren’t.

You don’t always, that’s very true. So we’ll assume the whole class have SEN bar DS. Surely all the more reason to communicate to me why we’re singled out?

I've been on both sides of this.

I've had an anxious child where a teacher has said something similar but i felt they required more emotional support at that moment.

I have another also anxious child who does need teachers to give a bit of a nudge to leave me behind.

I've also worked with teachers to resolve this as the overall goal is kids walk in happy and confident, not upset from being peeled off a parent. And at this age you can do something once and suddenly the child regresses. If you have a child who walks in himself, as much as a mother we want to give them that extra attention, it's actually the best thing for them to do.

I do get the feeling though I've experienced it myself, but there's nothing personal or excluding about it just a teacher who is confident in a child's abilities and emotional skills.

I think youve taken this in the wrong way! This is a ringing endorsement of you teaching your child to be independent from you and “school ready” and your son’s maturity, that he can walk in by himself which, frankly, is a godsend for most reception class teachers! It’s a PIA having multiple parents coming in and loitering, doing everything for their child like putting their coat away, hanging a bag up, water bottle away etc. kids should be learning to do this themselves. Of course there will be some who will need extra reassurance but, trust me, you are the dream parent right now…. Drop and go!

Kindly, you are massively over thinking things. They try and support children to be an independent as possible and make drop offs as smooth as possible.

Regarding SEN, I didn't know till much later my two older kids were SEN. I also don't make conversation with acquaintances about their struggles as DD in particular is quite a private person and can tell whom ever she trusts / wants to. And there is also a lot of judgement and silly remarks that i can't be bothered with.

The issue is the teacher isn’t working with me at all; she’s barely said twenty words to me since DS started and I would say about ten of those came today.

I really don’t mind a bit being asked not to do something. It’s the way it was done I don’t like.

That’s changed quite significantly since the original post so either

• this isn’t true
• you’re exaggerating to try and emphasize your point because people aren’t agreeing with you

Maybe she meant that he don’t need Molly coddled - even tho that’s not what you were doing, it may have come across that way

@GlastoNinja i am not being rude or obnoxious but I genuinely don’t understand what you mean. What has changed since the OP?

We aren’t allowed in school without prior arrangements due to child protection policy.

I know what she meant. I just don’t like the way what she meant was communicated.

You haven't been singled out, you did it differently today is all. They will obviously be happy with any children that are independent earlier and keen to keep encouraging it and it'sa positive thing they've noticed how well he is doing. Doesn't mean they think anyone who is less independent has done anything wrong, which is why nobody has been told off.

No, that makes sense and I don’t have an issue with a rule like this or with any other. However, it’s not a ‘rule’; it hasn’t been communicated to me as such. I’m not prone to being difficult for the sake of it but if I was I could just ignore it and continue.

I wouldn't probably have even processed what she said at the time and would have only thought about it later.

Plenty of children became everyone except DS

I guess she was making it clear that those children that don’t need walking in to the classroom, shouldn’t be. It’s not an optional thing, you don’t choose to do from one day to the next, otherwise it would be chaos.

There’s clearly some that need walking in every day and maybe they’ve even had chats about this and it’s in agreement with the teacher.

Teacher was making it clear to you that this is not the norm and your child doesn’t need it.

No, that wasn’t what I was saying. Someone above pointed out that you don’t always know which children have SEN. I agreed and said ‘let’s say’ as in ‘for arguments sake, let’s say the whole class have SEN except DS.’

I'm glad that she hasn't. I don't think that we can handle picking through any more words on the lookout for stuff to be annoyed with.