Feeling a bit annoyed this morning - AIBU?

[lastdayofseptember]

I really can’t work out why this has annoyed me so much.

DS is four, just started reception. It’s a small school and they made a big thing of it being like a family, friendly and small.

DS is happy with me walking him to the playground but plenty of children have their parents accompany them to the actual class, which is still outdoors. (I can see that having several parents in a classroom would be an issue.)

This morning was a rare time just me and DS as DH didn’t need to leave for work until 10, so kept our toddler at home while I took DS so I walked him to the classroom. As I approached the teacher tutted and said ‘oh DS, YOU don’t need walking to the classroom.’

It has really annoyed me. It’s made me feel like we did something wrong, which fine if we did but I don’t understand what when others are doing it. I felt like a big nuisance and as if I was in the way.

I know I’m opening myself up to all sorts of horrible criticism here and I am not going to say a word but it has annoyed me quite a bit. Wondering if others would feel the same or if I’m being silly.

Because children are all different.

My DS, now 24 and a fully functioning adult, came home with a sticker for answering his name at registration, after about 4 weeks. Most children will have done it easily from day one, but maybe they got their stickers for sitting still or remembering thank you.

So why can’t there be a general message in the parent hub requesting parents not to drop off at the classroom unless their child is distressed, or even mention to me individually?
Why are you trying to complicate it so much? They prefer the kids to be independent but understand not all are ready so don't push it but are delighted with the children like your son who are showing that confidence and independence unprompted. So when you came further in today she was slightly surprised and just wanted to reinforce, albeit somewhat clumsily, that his previous behaviour has been great. Nobody did anything wrong here and nobody was trying to make you feel bad.

To be honest @CharlieKirkRIP , like most people those sort of responses only come to me after the event.

Besides, I probably wouldn’t have said anything; it’s a least said soonest mended situation. It’s an attitudinal issue more than anything. I don’t mind in the slightest a polite request for parents to please not come in unless their child needs it, but since that’s never been communicated to me I’m left feeling a bit scolded for it.

I would be annoyed aswell OP completely our of order

Teacher is just commenting that dc has been doing so well going in himself that he doesnt need to back slide

Some parents have no wit and dont the subtle hints. Iv seen a parent have full blown argument with teacher about not being allowed in the classroom

I’m left feeling a bit scolded for it.
But you haven't been. Nor has your son.

I think she meant it in a lighthearted way as if to say, you don’t need walking to the door because you’re such an independent child. She was trying to encourage and foster his independence, not have a go at you in any way.

I think like most people @DappledThings i want to have a good relationship with the school. This morning i felt like a complete pest and as if I’d done something really foolish and silly. I didn’t massively appreciate it.

I’m not going to say anything but if I’m honest I’ve been pissed off all morning about it so am partly venting on here!

It is a compliment to DS.
There is no way parents could walk into classrooms at any school my children attended, you can drop them to the front door or line-up. There is usually a line of teachers who will direct them.

It was definitely a rebuke, albeit done ‘nicely’ through DS.

@lastdayofseptember

I was just curious, you said the other children being walked in hadn’t been diagnosed sen, how do you know this?

To add, I would let it go.
I wouldn't mention it.
No point in fuming.

I really don't see how it was. I think you've completely misinterpreted. The idea that is impacts your relationship with the school is massively OTT. Nobody else will be thinking anything about it.

I think it's the time in the term when the teachers are wanting to start ushering out parents. They'll be coming in class wanting a quick word etc. Disrupting the start of the day. Some children will need extra support so they'll be focusing on them, some will have diagnosed SEND, alot won't be diagnosed yet. It's a mishmash.

I think the teacher sees your child as a happy capable child who is developing great independence. So don't take it as a negative. They just worded it a bit crappy.

As your kid is in reception you will just need to get used to feeling mildly 'told off' by teachers tbh. Much like I'm sure you're used to healthcare practioners mild judgement at all times. It's annoying, but if you let it get your goat every time you're in for a tough 16 years or so (assuming your toddler is 2). Mind you, I'm still annoyed at the teacher who 13 years ago told me off for letting my kid go to school in a leotard on superhero day and wrapped a modesty towel round her waist WHEN THERE WAS A PAIR OF LEGGINGS IN HER BAG so I can't really talk, but you get my drift.

Well, I do know a lot of them from nursery and while it’s possible their parents are not telling me and that they have actually been diagnosed it’s unlikely, to be honest. I suspect it is just that they’ve taken that bit longer to settle. And I really don’t mind at all being asked not to drop DS in the classroom, that’s not what I’m grumbling about. It’s the way it was done. It feels like someone telling you off for walking on the grass while numerous other people do and there are no signs urging you not to!

That would have pissed me off as well 😂

I don't understand this. Why weren't the leggings on her legs?

Roughly how many DC in the class and what proportion are taken all the way in by a parent?

If it’s class of 20 and, say, 5 parents going in, that’s different IMO to 9 out of 12.

If a high proportion of DC have a parent go in that does suggest that the school’s management of it could be improved!

@lastdayofseptember

Yes I completely get where you are coming from. To me, I think it seems like they are gradually expecting all parents to stop walking their children to the classroom, maybe they thought it was good that your child didn’t need it.. it did come across as rude though, I would be annoyed.

It’s hard to say @Civilservant . certainly a fair few but whether that’s every day or not I couldn’t say.

Besides, I really don’t mind a polite request not to. I suppose the issue is I haven’t felt particularly welcome at the school, which goes against the ethos they put forward so has been a bit of a disappointment.

It’s because you usually walk him to the playground not the classroom. Teacher comment was to encourage not to go backwards.

I think if I was the other mums, who's kids did need walking in, and I heard that, I'd be upset too.

I actually think this was meant as praise, like "what a big boy you are, I know you don't need help to do xyz." I can totally imagine saying that to one of my own kids in an affectionate way and meaning well.

That puts the onus on DS in a way though. He did nothing wrong; it was me, and I didn’t know!

Sigh. I do have to remind myself it isn’t nursery but it is hard. It feels as if there are a lot of unwritten rules that elicit disapproval when you fall foul of them!