Should my friend offer to wash up when I’ve cooked for her?

[Wonderwall25]

As above really. My friend comes over once a month and vice-versa and we cook for each other and catch up.

I always offer to help with the washing up at hers, but she doesn’t ever offer when at mine.

I find this rude. However, when I’ve mentioned to DP he says he wouldn’t expect a guest to wash up so thinks IBU.

Would you usually offer or is it just me?

What kind of evening? Bizarre question but I'd much rather have a nice meal & good company & spend a couple of minutes helping out with clearing up than be at home on my own with a packet of crisps

I hate people washing up in my house. They never put things away properly and I can’t find things for days. I don’t like them “helping “ me in the kitchen either, they just get in my way .

It's nice when your guest offers but really I don't expect it at all. I would far rather the guest feels free to put their feet up and we can relax together. I usually just rinse a bit of water on the dishes and then leave them to soak or vegetate on the side for a while. I would much rather chat and have some coffee with said guest than slog over crockery.

No that’s so weird. Why would she wash up?! You’re hosting her. I have friends over all the time. They sit at the island drinking wine whilst I prep - I tidy as I go , I load dishwasher - how much washing up do you have?! If I wash and clean as I cook at the same time it’s so minimal

Rummaging through your freezer is rude. But not offering to wash up as an invited guest isn't. The only guests whose offer to wash up I would accept are family. Clearing up is part of hosting. Commenting on your friend's weight is rude.

I can’t even believe you allow them. And they are so rude to actually do it! If I had a guest who comes to my house and start putting things away opening my kitchen cabinets etc I would not invite them any more. I would be really offended.
do they scrap your toilet too after using it?

I would sit and chat with my friend, then wash up after she went home.

I have a friend who always makes comments if friends don't offer to help when she hosts. She is a brilliant host but she has a good bitch about guests who don't offer to clear the table, wipe the surfaces etc. I don't mind helping at all (she's the best cook I know and goes to a lot of effort) but it always surprises me. I don't want her bustling around my kitchen when she comes to ours.

Not for a small meal for two.
I rinse pots, pans, wipe down as I go before eating.
Different at Christmas etc, Dsis cooks for 16 people, we wash, dry, put away after dinner and desert, otherwise she would have 50 plates to wash.

Sorry off topic. What on earth is a Dsis?!

Like most pps, no, I wouldn't expect guests to help with washing up. I would hate it. It would kill the atmosphere of a chilled evening with a friend/s. I like to potter about clearing up afterwards, when they've gone.

Stop offering to help her, solved.

Dsis = (dear) sister

How odd. It would be easier to type ‘Sis’ surely 😂

Not as odd as you not acknowledging that you are being unreasonable as well as bitchy

...or even "sister". Mumsnet can be a strange place sometimes.

I think it's very strange that you expect a guest to do your washing up.

If you invite someone to dinner, you should expect to do all the preparations, cooking and tidying yourself. If you don't want to look after them properly, don't ask them round.

Likewise, if you are in guest in their house you shouldn't expect to wash up.

Well this says it all. You're the one posting on MN clearly not used to the abbreviations. That's fine but then you're snapping back with 'how odd' to the poster who took the time to answer you.

I wouldn't expect guests to wash up. In fact, if my DP (who I don't live with) offers to wash up I'd rather control the washing up in my house. He doesn't really like me doing it at his, as it's his house and feels it's his responsibility if dinner there.

No, I wouldn’t expect a guest to even offer these days. I don’t like the sense of obligation that I’ve got to crack on with the cleaning right there and then, and will probably stack the dishwasher later after they’ve gone and would rather sit and chat. Might even leave it until the morning. But then, I’m a bit of a slattern.

I always offer. But certainly wouldn't expect it back. I don't do something so I receive it in return. I offer because that's just who I am.

Exactly. OP gives off rude bitchy vibes.

I think I'll invite the friend round to mine instead. I'll just chuck everything in dishwasher and while I'm doing that she can dish up pudding.