Should my friend offer to wash up when I’ve cooked for her?

[Wonderwall25]

As above really. My friend comes over once a month and vice-versa and we cook for each other and catch up.

I always offer to help with the washing up at hers, but she doesn’t ever offer when at mine.

I find this rude. However, when I’ve mentioned to DP he says he wouldn’t expect a guest to wash up so thinks IBU.

Would you usually offer or is it just me?

That was a below-the-belt comment wasn't it?!

We don't have a dishwasher, (never have had one,) but it's because I don't personally see the point in one, and have never needed one, not because we're too poor! What a batshit comment! 😆

My friend used that exact term. How else would you describe it - ballooned? I would find that far more offensive, personally.

I'd never dream of letting a guest wash up. YABVU.

I would never ask, expect or let a guest wash up in my home.

and as for her “raiding” the freezer for dessert, I wouldn’t think twice if my close friends went and helped themselves to something.

Ballooned?! Wtf is wrong with you? I'm not sure why you would use any other expression that gained weight but actually why are you mentioning it at all? Your post is allegedly about washing up but clearly a segue to spew some judgemental bile.

Exactly. Strange choice of words by OP. She sounds really nasty, a true fat shamer.

Just serve her food on an edible plate which she can eat for desert. Sorted.

I wouldn’t let my guest wash up - it is their night off from chores if I am hosting

Do you even like this friend OP?!

Would never let a guest wash up, and wouldn’t expect them to offer either.

I wouldn't expect a guest to wash up and I wouldn't expect to do it at theirs. Surely you just want to sit and chat after dinner, and you can sort the pots out later after they've gone.

Perhaps you need to familiarise yourself with the difference between "batshit" and being entirely facetious towards a woman who's publicly moaning that her fat friend doesn't do her washing up for her.

Take your time.

I always offer to help wash up & I always help to scrape plates etc, unless I've been specifically told not to! As you & your friend take it in turns I would offer but would stop if she didn't!

People who fatshame others have shitty personalities…. At least your “friend “ can lose the weight…

I’d rather be fat than an arsehole.

I HATE people doing my dishes when they are guests. They never wash them properly, pile them up disgustingly or don’t do the dishwasher properly or break stuff. Guests are guests and they should stay like that

Who does the washing up while the guests are still there, that's a bit rude

Nope. Wouldn’t expect it at all.

Oh gawd, what kind of evenings are you all having, I'd rather stay at home with a packet of crisps than get involved with group plate scraping, sounds awful 😂

I would NEVER expect a guest to wash up. How bizarre.

Just stop offering to wash up at hers, it’s weird!

I don't expect my friends to help in the kitchen or washing up. When we're invited I always say to just yell if they want me to do anything - sometimes they will ask to fold the napkins or such stuff. Only at larger gatherings we all lend a hand to make it easier for the host. So no, I don't expect my guests to help washing up.

I always offer to help. They usually say no, but it’s nice to offer.

Does she accept your offer of washing up? It would be rude if she did! I agree with everyone else, enjoy yourselves at each other's houses and have a night off - you're alternating, anyway. I'd be mortified if I thought I had such a great friendship with someone that I could go and help myself to dessert, to discover that they were bitching about it on mumsnet! It's a glass of wine and a meal sat on the sofa, with a friend who feels so free and comfortable with you that she can raid your freezer and tell you her feelings. I think you should relax a bit and treasure that friendship.

Why have you even mentioned her weight? What on earth do you imagine it has to do with your washing up question?

I didn’t think you could sound more of a massive twat and yet, here you are, proving me wrong.