Should my friend offer to wash up when I’ve cooked for her?

[Wonderwall25]

As above really. My friend comes over once a month and vice-versa and we cook for each other and catch up.

I always offer to help with the washing up at hers, but she doesn’t ever offer when at mine.

I find this rude. However, when I’ve mentioned to DP he says he wouldn’t expect a guest to wash up so thinks IBU.

Would you usually offer or is it just me?

This. ^ The OP reminds me of a neighbour of mine (from the early noughties) who disliked her cousin - her only first cousin, same age, lived about half a mile away from her.

Her cousin never invited her around when she had barbecues, and little parties that she invited the neighbours to. But they didn't get on and rarely spoke, so why would she LOL?!

She said even if she did invite her, she would NOT go. She was super annoyed at not being asked though. Like, why the F do you want to be asked, when you have no intention of going?! Just so can say no?!

So she comes round, you don’t offer her desert and you expect her to wash up? 😂

just go out next time, hosting sounds stressful for you.

I’d offer to wash up if someone had cooked me dinner.
I got this from my parents, they always used to do the washing up when we all stayed with my grandparents for a week; my grandparents made the meals and parents washed up.
I’m weird too- I hate feeling lazy sitting around like a lemon whilst other people are busy 😆

A packet of Pringles that was clearly on view, but not for eating 😂

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable but it wouldn’t actually bother me. I can see how it might come across as rude though since you always do the washing up at hers.

If anything, I’d rather she did get out after it and didn’t try and help clean but that’s just me.

I would try not to be offended though. She doesn’t mean any harm.

Just another 'subtle' fat shaming thread. Lovely.

Oh keep going OP. What next, is she helping herself to your clothes and tonking your husband?

Face it, everyone has told you YABU, just stop doing the dishes at hers.

I get the hoover out ready for them as well.

Ah, she’s a porker as well as lazy and rude!

No. I would offer if I was staying overnight or multiple nights but not for a meal and I would never accept an offer from a guest either

No of course you shouldn’t expect her to wash up when she’s a guest in your house. I wouldn’t expect to wash up in someone else’s house either. Not after one meal anyway. If I was staying over at someone else’s house I would do because it’s not fair for them to wait on me for several meals at a time.

I hate other people doing any kind of housework in my house, even my dsis and dmum! I'm always telling them to leave their plates and I'll deal with them later. They'll often put them by the sink but I don't ask them or want them to put them in the dishwasher! I automatically do it at my sisters though so I'm a complete hypocrite!

I was just about to say this. Does your friend have any redeeming features, OP? One wonders why you bother to dignify her with your company.

Jeez you sound like a terrible host. No dessert and guests required to do chores. Why not make her pay for the food as well, @Wonderwall25?

“Tonking”??? I’ve never heard of that one?! Good word!

No. But you can relax at her place and stop offering too.

If guests are staying more than a couple of nights I'd expect help, though. Otherwise you start to feel less of a host and more of a drudge.

But it would be polite of them to offer.

Op I wouldn't dream of not offering if someone has gone to the trouble of cooking for. It's called good manners.

I would clear up and load the dishwasher as I cooked to make sure the space was clean before guests arrived. Then it’s just a few plates, cutlery etc which can be loaded straight in the dishwasher once they’ve finished. Maybe try that so it doesn’t stress you out so much. And make a desert.

Eh? By her own admission she has let herself go and she was the one who brought up the manjaro to me. I’m hardly an oil painting either but have kept myself as trim as possible despite my advancing years.

I’ve no husband these days, thankfully. He was bloody useless when it came to the washing up too! DP pulls his weight in the main.

Why aren't you offering your friend a dessert knowing she likes to have one?

I had one friend who used to absolutely insist on washing up at my house. I was really uncomfortable with that. These days I’ve got a dishwasher thank goodness.

No, I would absolutely not expect a friend I invited over to help wash up after food at my house!
Of course I always appreciate an offer, but I'd never expect it. I only expect help from family when we host at Xmas and that's because there's bloody loads of them.
My friends and I sometimes offer if there's a few of us at one person's house. But having one friend over for a meal I wouldn't.
You're kind to offer - but maybe stop offering in this case?

Why stop there, give them a cloth and tell them to scrub your bathroom too.

Do you want an award for keeping “trim”? No idea why you see this as something worthy. You’d do better to work on your hosting and friendship skills.