Should my friend offer to wash up when I’ve cooked for her?

[Wonderwall25]

As above really. My friend comes over once a month and vice-versa and we cook for each other and catch up.

I always offer to help with the washing up at hers, but she doesn’t ever offer when at mine.

I find this rude. However, when I’ve mentioned to DP he says he wouldn’t expect a guest to wash up so thinks IBU.

Would you usually offer or is it just me?

I would expect guests to offer even though I wouldn’t let them do it, I would offer at someone else’s house.

"my outlaws" 🤣🤣🤣 great typo

Absolutely ridiculous, expecting a guest to wash up just because you choose to do so!

Stop offering to wash up!

Does she not offer you dessert at hers? Don't buy dessert.

It was deliberate, outlaws is a common word.

You can’t expect her to offer to wash up at yours. What you can do is stop offering to wash up at hers. That way it is equitable.

I always offer. I always get refused. It's a weird British thing maybe as I would be offended if they said yes! Even with my best friend who lives away and I see once every two months for 4 days, when I stay I dont do anything and vice versa. If she doesnt offer, you stop offering!

Wow.

In answer to your original query, I'd expect washing up to wait until after a guest has left, unless your DP wanted to get on with it while you chat to your friend.
If I were a guest and there were a lot of glasses, plates, utensils etc used I'd definitely help to take them out to the kitchen, but I wouldn't expect to wash them up.

I may offer to help but I wouldn't expect the host to accept my offer. If I was hosting and someone offered I'd decline the offer. I would leave the clearing up until after they'd left.

As a guest I'd offer to help, but half expect them to turn down my offer. As a host I would never accept the offer of help. I'd do the washing up after they'd left. It's strange that she accepts your help but doesn't offer it. I'd just stop offering

I would offer but would never expect a guest to wash up

Absolutely not. Terrible hosting expecting someone to wash up! If she offered that's one thing but you're being unreasonable making a big deal out of this to your OP. Do you have a lot of friends??

I would hate for anyone else to do this. If I’ve invited them over and cooked a meal for them I would definitely not expect them to wash up. If they offered I would say no. However, my husband’s aunt has always expected us to help wash up after any meal she has cooked for us. I really hate doing it and wouldn’t dream of asking her when roles are reversed. I’m not comfortable in other people’s kitchen and am also not comfortable with other people in mine.

a bit of etiquette would really help - no guest should offer to help with chores and if they are not sensible enough and they offer the answer should always be no thanks.
Likewise no guest should bring any food, again if they ask or offer, which is rude as it might offend the host by hinting they can’t cook properly, the only answer is no. Asking a guest to bring food is plain rude.
of course there are cases where the relationship is such that two friends break the etiquette, but it needs to be agreed by both

You should not expect your guests to offer. They should not offer to do chores at your own house in your own kitchen. It is wrong.

Guests shouldn't be expected to wash up.

Don't host if you don't want to do all the work that comes with it.

I prefer if people don’t wash up. I enjoy their company and prefer to clear up after they have left

I must be old school as I think it's only polite to offer to wash up even if such an offer is usually declined.

I think its nice to have a friend who still comes to visit even though you are too poor for a dishwasher.
Does she find anything positive about you or she just being charitable?

I think it's rude of you to expect a guest to do your washing up, really strange that you think she should do it.

i cook, I wash up. I’d honestly find it weird if my guest cleared up my kitchen

I hate washing up and we put everything in the dishwasher. I would be annoyed if I had to do this as a guest.

I wouldn't accept your offer either though, whatever happens should be reciprocal since you alternate.

You're quite nasty yourself!

OP posted a simple question about etiquette, do you have to make it a personal attack?

I can't believe people still refer to weight gain as letting themselves go.

You're not a friend OP.

That was a below-the-belt comment wasn't it?!

We don't have a dishwasher, (never have had one,) but it's because I don't personally see the point in one, and have never needed one, not because we're too poor! What a batshit comment! 😆