Do you feel pressure to look younger or not aged?

ChangerMeNamer · 2025-09-29T06:57:59+00:00

Not a TAAT, but inspired by a recent thread about Botox and beauty standards. I’m particularly interested to hear from others who have felt this pressure either quite early on (under 30) or at any age due to their career situation. When did this happen for you? I started to feel pressure to look younger or at least *not aged *by 29/30, pretty much as soon as I’d had my first child it started. Initially the needing to shift the baby weight and then the tired face from sleepless nights etc. But I felt that was really amplified by the industry I work in, which is media adjacent (not TV/film) but an industry that has a lot of younger trendy people. I have a very senior role and manage a mixed team of people who are all younger than me (except 1 older lady, who shares my concerns). I’m on the fence about cosmetic procedures, partly due to finances and not being sure I’d be able to maintain it and then being gutted if I had to stop!! But also as I have two young DD’s now and already worry that they see me slapping on a lot of make-up each morning. I try to distract from it and do believe my body/my choice, but it leaves me with a niggling feeling that I am doing them harm tbh. Be interested to hear what others think🙂

ladybirdsanchez · 29/09/2025 08:07

I've always felt this pressure, because I live in an area where women take good care of themselves and have the money to do so. I also work in a company where I am one of the older ones and most of my colleagues are in their 20s, which doesn't help!

I've been using Botox since my late 20s and I have injectables once or twice a year and for now those two things are sufficient, along with good skincare, plenty of fruit and veg, regular exercise, HRT and as much sleep as I can get.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 29/09/2025 08:11

No (now aged 57). I'm aghast that people in their 30s are into botox etc as that seems so young to me. I was aware of "aging" then (my skin definitely healed from cuts etc more slowly from my mid 30s) but not in a worried or pressured way.

KelsCommemorativeSausage · 29/09/2025 08:14

I used to.
Then some terrible things happen and I got very ill and priorities changed.

I colour my hair, I put makeup on and moisturise etc, I dress as nicely as I can for the budget I have- but I'm 44 and I look 44.

I don't want to look younger. I'm not younger. Being younger was bloody awful for me, and I'm lucky to have got to the age I am, and I'm proud of my body and what it's lived through.

I don't work in an area where looks are important (I'm a cook, I'm in overalls and a hairnet all day!).

I don't want Botox or fillers or anything other than the hair dye; I only use that because my hair has been white since I was in my 20s.
I look nice and clean and decent. That'll do me.

RhododendronFlowers · 29/09/2025 08:19

My colleague's daughter had Botox. She is 19.
Apparently, it "stops wrinkles happening".
It's one of the most depressing things I've ever heard.

Original poster

ChangerMeNamer · 29/09/2025 08:21

RhododendronFlowers · 29/09/2025 08:19

My colleague's daughter had Botox. She is 19.
Apparently, it "stops wrinkles happening".
It's one of the most depressing things I've ever heard.

Wow, that is exactly what gives me the fear around my 2 DD’s😩

OP posts:

Cynic17 · 29/09/2025 08:24

No. I am old. I'm 60. I look 60, I guess. So what? That's just honest. People who have lots of treatments don't necessarily look "younger", they just look like people who have had lots of treatments, so I don't understand why they waste their time and money.

Holluschickie · 29/09/2025 08:26

No. I am 53 and have never had any tweakments, and will never have any.

I am loved and valued the way I am. I have a DD in her twenties, and I want her to know she is more than her youth.

Original poster

ChangerMeNamer · 29/09/2025 08:30

KelsCommemorativeSausage · 29/09/2025 08:14

I used to.
Then some terrible things happen and I got very ill and priorities changed.

I colour my hair, I put makeup on and moisturise etc, I dress as nicely as I can for the budget I have- but I'm 44 and I look 44.

I don't want to look younger. I'm not younger. Being younger was bloody awful for me, and I'm lucky to have got to the age I am, and I'm proud of my body and what it's lived through.

I don't work in an area where looks are important (I'm a cook, I'm in overalls and a hairnet all day!).

I don't want Botox or fillers or anything other than the hair dye; I only use that because my hair has been white since I was in my 20s.
I look nice and clean and decent. That'll do me.

Sorry to hear you were so ill, I hope you’re recovered now 😘

OP posts:

HoskinsChoice · 29/09/2025 08:32

No. I am not unsecure have more intelligence than to worry about aging. It's literally going to happen to every single one of us.

I hope that this botox phase will die out soon. I'm fairly sure that everyone who's had it will look back at photos and realise how utterly ridiculous they look. People would be better using their cash on counselling to help them understand why they are so insecure about their looks that they're willing to have stuff injected into the faces. It's really quite sad.

Batteriesoptional · 29/09/2025 08:33

Yes. I’m early 50’s and have had Botox sporadically for the past 10 years, but with increased frequency in the last five. I exercise, eat well and generally make an effort with my appearance. Ageism and sexism is real in the workplace. I am aware that I’m feeding into this by trying to conform, but I am also very aware that women are held to a different standard. I have seen capable, highly qualified women overlooked professionally and pass over in favour for men time and again. While I can’t prove it’s because they look tired and less well “pulled together” than their male counterparts, the fact is that the men give the impression of being higher energy and dynamic by virtue of how they present. It’s crap and I wish it were different, but unfortunately it’s the reality I see at work.

Periperi2025 · 29/09/2025 08:39

ladybirdsanchez · 29/09/2025 08:07

I've always felt this pressure, because I live in an area where women take good care of themselves and have the money to do so. I also work in a company where I am one of the older ones and most of my colleagues are in their 20s, which doesn't help!

I've been using Botox since my late 20s and I have injectables once or twice a year and for now those two things are sufficient, along with good skincare, plenty of fruit and veg, regular exercise, HRT and as much sleep as I can get.

Edited

I live in an area where there is a big climbing/ fell running/ biking/ outdoor subculture (national park) and whilst there is no pressure to wear makeup or fancy clothes or use Botox the pressure is too remain as slim (climber slim!) and strong as ever despite kids and life and age.

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 29/09/2025 08:40

Not at all. I'm mid-40s and look my age. I've never done anything with the intention of looking younger. My life wouldn't be any different if I managed to shave a couple of years off getting my face plumped and smoothed - I'm pretty sure nothing but my bank balance would change.

Original poster

ChangerMeNamer · 29/09/2025 08:43

Batteriesoptional · 29/09/2025 08:33

Yes. I’m early 50’s and have had Botox sporadically for the past 10 years, but with increased frequency in the last five. I exercise, eat well and generally make an effort with my appearance. Ageism and sexism is real in the workplace. I am aware that I’m feeding into this by trying to conform, but I am also very aware that women are held to a different standard. I have seen capable, highly qualified women overlooked professionally and pass over in favour for men time and again. While I can’t prove it’s because they look tired and less well “pulled together” than their male counterparts, the fact is that the men give the impression of being higher energy and dynamic by virtue of how they present. It’s crap and I wish it were different, but unfortunately it’s the reality I see at work.

Sadly I have also seen this time and time again, including myself here.

I’ve been in a very senior role, but not quite at the C-suite for 7y+ and never quite ‘made it’ up the ladder to the top, despite being an extremely high performer. All 4 C’s are men and we’ve never had a female C-level. I should probably leave, but my family all rely on my income (ironically more than double my husbands!). But this is going off topic a bit!

I’m really starting to feel the pressure to confirm though. Maybe I should just get it done on the quiet and hope my DD’s don’t notice🤪

OP posts:

HoskinsChoice · 29/09/2025 08:44

ladybirdsanchez · 29/09/2025 08:07

I've always felt this pressure, because I live in an area where women take good care of themselves and have the money to do so. I also work in a company where I am one of the older ones and most of my colleagues are in their 20s, which doesn't help!

I've been using Botox since my late 20s and I have injectables once or twice a year and for now those two things are sufficient, along with good skincare, plenty of fruit and veg, regular exercise, HRT and as much sleep as I can get.

Edited

You think faking it and pumping insufficiently tested chemicals into face is 'taking good care of themselves'. What have we become. 🤣

I'd also like to know where this area is where women take good care of themselves? Is this a regional thing? Let me guess, London, takes care of itself but the north doesn't? Get some help, you sound unhinged.

duckinthesky · 29/09/2025 08:44

I know this will be somewhat controversial but the fact that so many women these days opt for botox etc I think is not helpful for women as a whole - it does put pressure on them. Women would not get botox in increasing numbers if other women weren't doing it. It's ridiculous. I'm not laying the blame on women, but on society as a whole - the patriarchal setup, media, ads, pressure to be perfect etc. It is very hard for women to not feel pressured.

tiredangry · 29/09/2025 08:44

I do nothing. Nothing at all. Shower involves shampoo conditioner and baby soap for body and face. I own no other makeup or products. I feel like I deserve a gold star because my 17yo dd is the only one of her group who is confident enough to walk out the door with absolutely nothing on her face.

I’m not genetically blessed. I’m very average.

The strength of the influence of the cosmetic industry is mind blowing. In a cost of living crisis, I would have thought all this unnecessary rubbish would be an easy and substantial cost cut. My local shop has a scheme where they give free food to people who need it. It’s given out early evenings. Two friends went up to get a bag each. They were women in their early 20s and both had a fair bit of make up on. They can’t afford food and yet they will still give what little money they have to the cosmetics industry. It’s like a fucking cult.

Original poster

ChangerMeNamer · 29/09/2025 08:45

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 29/09/2025 08:40

Not at all. I'm mid-40s and look my age. I've never done anything with the intention of looking younger. My life wouldn't be any different if I managed to shave a couple of years off getting my face plumped and smoothed - I'm pretty sure nothing but my bank balance would change.

I could do with channeling your self-assurance🩷

Do you mind me asking what you do for a living? Does that affect anything?

OP posts:

Zonder · 29/09/2025 08:45

No. I feel sorry for people who find it hard to accept their age and that it's normal to look it.

RhododendronFlowers · 29/09/2025 08:45

ChangerMeNamer · 29/09/2025 08:21

Wow, that is exactly what gives me the fear around my 2 DD’s😩

Show quote history

It's a nightmare, isn't it? Fortunately, my DD is 30 and isn't swayed by that at all, but that kind of attitude is so pervasive now.
You have to be insta ready, now.

Hankunamatata · 29/09/2025 08:45

KelsCommemorativeSausage · 29/09/2025 08:14

I used to.
Then some terrible things happen and I got very ill and priorities changed.

I colour my hair, I put makeup on and moisturise etc, I dress as nicely as I can for the budget I have- but I'm 44 and I look 44.

I don't want to look younger. I'm not younger. Being younger was bloody awful for me, and I'm lucky to have got to the age I am, and I'm proud of my body and what it's lived through.

I don't work in an area where looks are important (I'm a cook, I'm in overalls and a hairnet all day!).

I don't want Botox or fillers or anything other than the hair dye; I only use that because my hair has been white since I was in my 20s.
I look nice and clean and decent. That'll do me.

This. Totally agree

Wishing14 · 29/09/2025 08:46

Looks do make a difference to how you are treated, and that’s a biological fact (on top of a social one) and fundamental to evolution and sexual selection. So I never get the line that people who focus on looks are unintelligent… You might argue they shouldn’t matter, and there are more important things. And as you get older those other things start to matter more and you see the bigger picture. I try to focus on how I feel. For example, intermittent fasting which has great health benefits and makes me feel much better, gut health and focus. I have had a bit of Botox, and I feel embarrassed of that. It feels like if you do or you don’t you can’t win, though. So ultimately you have to do what feels right for you and trust yourself that you’ll do the best for yourself.

Original poster

ChangerMeNamer · 29/09/2025 08:46

duckinthesky · 29/09/2025 08:44

I know this will be somewhat controversial but the fact that so many women these days opt for botox etc I think is not helpful for women as a whole - it does put pressure on them. Women would not get botox in increasing numbers if other women weren't doing it. It's ridiculous. I'm not laying the blame on women, but on society as a whole - the patriarchal setup, media, ads, pressure to be perfect etc. It is very hard for women to not feel pressured.

This is what comes up for me when I get close to opting for procedures😬

OP posts:

thornbury · 29/09/2025 08:46

I'm 57. When I retire, I'm going to let my hair go grey but I'm waiting until then because I have few lines and wrinkles and work in a setting where most colleagues are in their 40s at most.

RhododendronFlowers · 29/09/2025 08:48

Cynic17 · 29/09/2025 08:24

No. I am old. I'm 60. I look 60, I guess. So what? That's just honest. People who have lots of treatments don't necessarily look "younger", they just look like people who have had lots of treatments, so I don't understand why they waste their time and money.

This is a good point. You can always tell, and they don't look better, just smoother!
The fear of aging has also lead to more disrespect for older people, imo.

Daisy54 · 29/09/2025 08:48

I am approaching 60, but look younger due to having good skin, thick hair and a fit body.
I would like to stop dying my hair and embrace my grey.
However , I believe looking older, would adversely affect my job (fitness).