Do you feel pressure to look younger or not aged?

[ChangerMeNamer]

Not a TAAT, but inspired by a recent thread about Botox and beauty standards.

I’m particularly interested to hear from others who have felt this pressure either quite early on (under 30) or at any age due to their career situation. When did this happen for you?

I started to feel pressure to look younger or at least not aged by 29/30, pretty much as soon as I’d had my first child it started. Initially the needing to shift the baby weight and then the tired face from sleepless nights etc. But I felt that was really amplified by the industry I work in, which is media adjacent (not TV/film) but an industry that has a lot of younger trendy people. I have a very senior role and manage a mixed team of people who are all younger than me (except 1 older lady, who shares my concerns).

I’m on the fence about cosmetic procedures, partly due to finances and not being sure I’d be able to maintain it and then being gutted if I had to stop!! But also as I have two young DD’s now and already worry that they see me slapping on a lot of make-up each morning. I try to distract from it and do believe my body/my choice, but it leaves me with a niggling feeling that I am doing them harm tbh.

Be interested to hear what others think🙂

I see what you are saying but changing your face to fit in with botox is not the same as being overweight or wearing certain clothes.

That said shortly after writing my post I realised I should have changed it, I shouldn't have used the word "competent". I meant confident. If you have botox then it suggests a lack of belief that you are good enough as you are.

I do judge lip fillers and botox because of the deleterious effect it has on the beauty standards for all women. Same way as I judge men that have had jaw enhancing surgery etc. I don't think it benefits society as a whole; it makes people feel they need to spend extra money and have medical procedures to reach a silly standard.

I'm 56. I'm not attractive, at all. So smoothing out a few wrinkles isn't going to make a difference! The expense and hassle would make such a small difference that I just don't feel it's worth it. I'd rather spend my money on what I deem as fun things. If I was attractive maybe I would feel differently, I don't know.

I've also had enough at this point of "conforming" to what society seems to expect. I think women can be the harshest critics of other women. Phrases like "taking care of yourself" or "having pride in your appearance" are just ways of putting down women who don't prioritise that stuff. The implication being that if you don't make the effort you have "let yourself go".

For me taking care of myself means getting enough sleep to be well rested. Moderate exercise to maintain some flexibility/stamina. Trying to eat relatively healthy most of the time (but still be able to enjoy a pizza and wine sometimes!). Making time for hobbies that I enjoy, which helps keep my stress levels low and keeps my brain engaged. Having fun with friends and family. How I look comes pretty low on the list for me.

I am very reluctant to have Botox or fillers. They are foreign substances. Once they’re in your system you can’t get rid of them.
I don’t eat junk food, smoke or drink much alcohol. I’m not overweight.

I work in an industry where I have to look neat, clean and fresh. I am 55.

Less is more. A lot of make-up is more 'ageing'. I use a Clinique moisturiser and foundation every day along with a quick slick of Elf stick for lips and blush and a brown line on my upper eyelid.

@DancingLions "letting yourself go" is an awful phrase, I agree. Not everyone wants to prioritise the same things in their life.

I turned 42 yesterday. I feel no pressure what so ever. To age is a blessing. I refuse to think about it any other way. I use very basic skin care and I am told I look radiant and glowing.

I think I am also a little perplexed by how people who have a lot more money than me look worse with procedures. So it's a no from me.

I had botox for many years because from the age of 32 I had two deep furrows between my brows, caused by eye issues that made me squint. I'm a cheerful person, yet was constantly asked why I was frowning.
If I hadn't become vegan I'd still be having it now. Would you believe me if I said that the decision was absolutely nothing to do with fitting in? Fitting in with who? Other women who don't look like they're permanently frowning?
Would you also believe me if I told you my confidence was unaffected? That I get my self esteem from the difference I make in the world and how well I do things, and that botox is irrelevant to that?
If I told you that the decision of a middle aged woman to not have frown lines is likely to have zero impact on the standards young women are held to and their choices, as its not the likes of me they aspire to as a role model , would you think that was fair?

I'm all for blaming men for most things but disagree on this. Women pump their faces with crap because of their own insecurities and misplaced vanity. Men are not encouraging it. Research shows that most men prefer a natural woman.

Injections and what people call tweakments and also more invasive treatments have never appealed to me, but I do feel a certain pressure internally to look younger, so I address it with good diet and attitude adjustments.

I do feel sad for some of the young women I see, particularly some in the public eye, who have made themselves look oddly twenty years older with all these injectables and other treatments, and wonder how their faces will fare when they are actually middleaged and older.

The fact that all of this has become normalised for the everyday woman in my lifetime is very interesting and also disturbing. Some of the great beauties of my time have destroyed their looks through trying to preserve them artificially.

"If I told you that the decision of a middle aged woman to not have frown lines is likely to have zero impact on the standards young women are held to and their choices"

I disagree, because someone having botox for frown lines says there IS something wrong with lines, frowns etc. The more people that have botox to erase wrinkles DOES have an effect on other women. It normalises anti ageing procedures. It makes having wrinkles and frowns considered less "normal" and wrong.

I'm not talking about cases whereby botox is a medical necessity by the way.

Agree with some of what you say, but the precedent starts somewhere. Porn, as one example.

I don't feel any pressure to look younger but equally, I don't buy into the 'embracing the grey' bullshit either. I'm lucky because I have a lot of time and money to take care of myself which probably helps.

I got a complaint once from a client about how I looked. ‘Unprofessional’, but essentially code for looking haggard. I felt I had to get my teeth fixed (which I did). I’m 44

In my industry (professional, suits and shirts), people don’t realise how much women have to do to look ‘professional’. The hair dye, hair styling, teeth whitening, botox, not wearing the same suit two days in a row, coping with aching feet because of the office shoes.

I missed the boat on botox and now have a full wifi signal on my forehead. I’ve also plumped out a bit and am now in the overweight category a bit. I’m fairly ok look otherwise, but conscious that I can’t really get away with having a more womanly body or wrinkles. The clothes I buy have got more expensive because I can no longer get away with the ill-fitting, t-shirty materials typical to women’s workwear. I import my shirts from Belgium (I’m very tall) in order to ensure the material is thick enough to create a smooth line, rather than revealing the lumps and bumps or the colour of my bra.

I’m hoping someone will tell me it’s not too late to get botox. But then again, I’d resent the cost and extra planning/admin on top of what is already a full time, highly visible role. I need to lose weight because the extra weight has made my face look plump, and with the sagging setting in, can’t get away with it.

You get some nasty comments from women who don’t like other women getting treatments. Always amazes me that it’s passed off as concern for womankind but actually just feels quite bitter and unnecessary.
In arguments, rather than focusing on the negative (eg you look like a sad clown or whatever else) why not focus on the positive. Eg. When I see others I look at their smile, I focus on what they have to say, how they make me feel etc. Or whatever your argument is.
By focusing in on looks surely you are very much a part of the narrative you claim to be against?!!!

Frown lines being seen as undesirable predates botox by centuries. Botox is not the cause of these views, it merely offers people the option to remove thd lines. If everyone stopped having botox, there would be no positive change in the way aging is perceived particularly for women. We would still be just as dismissed and overlooked, just everyone would see us frowning about it.

"If everyone stopped having botox, there would be no positive change in the way aging is perceived particularly for women."

I disagree. Look at the rise of botox, plastic surgery etc. So much of it and getting more all the time. Because the bar for looking youthful is always being raised.

Not really. I'm 40, I look 40ish, that's fine.
I don't get fillers or Botox because I don't really like how it looks but if other people want to that's also fine.

I do exercise, walk a lot, gym 4 x a week.
That's because it makes me feel good, when I don't do work out or I carry extra weight my health and energy dip. I try to eat well, drink plenty of water and moisturise again because I feel better when I do.

It's natural want to look and feel good in yourself but I think it's possible to that while also accepting that you look your age, I don't think getting older is anything to be ashamed of.

I'm 43 and have PLLA injections. They've been an absolute game changer for me and I think it looks very natural. I don't have a partner and I'm not interested in having one at the moment but I feel happier with how I look since having PLLA.

Yes, I think you’ve made the point I was trying to articulate about the deleterious effect on the beauty standards. Thank you🙏

I think that’s a fair comment 🙂

Although why people felt the need to constantly ask you why you were frowning is a bit shit!

I don’t feel pressured to make myself look younger, it’s a privilege to get older, some people don’t get the opportunity to grow old.

i also don’t feel pressure to inject chemicals into my body, not knowing what the lasting effects on my face would be.

my dd is 22 and the amount of people she went to school with who have lip fillers and cheek fillers is ridiculous!

I think there should be more regulations regarding these pop up Botox/filler clinics that are about.

I think it's natural for women to want to look as sexy as they can to attract the opposite sex. Although we may be married and genuinely monagamous, it's a natural instinct to portray youthful sexual readiness and fertility. That's just being human.

hmm, I'm now in my late 40s and I like being this age, and worry much less about this stuff than I used to. I can feel myself starting to come to terms with my changing face but I do still do what I can to look good for my age (rather than younger than my age). Ultimately I just think it's a spectrum and at one end is my MIL who looks fabulous at 81, has never so much as dyed her hair and is totally comfortable with ageing, and at the other the people mentioned up-thread who get botox in their twenties or have boob jobs and liposuction. I think it's up to the individual to decide where they sit on that spectrum. Dyeing hair wasn't common place a few decades ago and now it is, I suspect it'll be the same with tweakments and whatever other aesthetic treatments are around the corner. They aren't going back in the box now.

It's lifestyle dependent though and I really respect people who take a strong line on not doing anything at all. Generally, I think that people (I feel this especially strongly about women) should decide what they do with / to their own bodies. In an ideal world we'd all just embrace ageing but the truth is that for many of us, how you present in the workplace etc does affect the opportunities that are available to us. So, for example, I can't see myself not dyeing my hair for a while because, rightly or wrongly, I do think it will change the way people perceive me. Also, looking further down the line, I can see how differently older people are treated depending on on how they present themselves so while I'll prob go grey later I think it'll be important to make an effort re clothes etc so I don't get sidelined because ageism is rife!!

Yes I do.

It's 100% a problem especially in media/ advertising sector

I started in Ad agencies we would "joke" about what would happen to us once we hit 30 as there just no women over 30 the building. There would be Linda in finance in her 50s but pretty much all the Directors/ heads of whatever were men

I'm now media agency adjacent but it's the same shtick. Now I'm in senior mid management you must be an eternally 30 something bringing "fresh perspectives and innovative" alongside "bags of experience" 🙄

No one in my linkedin network says "20/25/30 years experience"
they say 10+ the ones is ther late 40s or 50s say 15yrs + .....
That's men and women but the women have it worse.

I've had botox and will continue while in my "fancy job" I see it as part and parcel of the gig.
I draw the line with fillers though...

I dont do it for the male gaze or to "be sexy"...I cant verbalise how much I enjoy being invisible to men post children.
For me it's purely financial

It really, really isn't. This thinking makes my teeth itch. Urgh!