Do you feel pressure to look younger or not aged?

[ChangerMeNamer]

Not a TAAT, but inspired by a recent thread about Botox and beauty standards.

I’m particularly interested to hear from others who have felt this pressure either quite early on (under 30) or at any age due to their career situation. When did this happen for you?

I started to feel pressure to look younger or at least not aged by 29/30, pretty much as soon as I’d had my first child it started. Initially the needing to shift the baby weight and then the tired face from sleepless nights etc. But I felt that was really amplified by the industry I work in, which is media adjacent (not TV/film) but an industry that has a lot of younger trendy people. I have a very senior role and manage a mixed team of people who are all younger than me (except 1 older lady, who shares my concerns).

I’m on the fence about cosmetic procedures, partly due to finances and not being sure I’d be able to maintain it and then being gutted if I had to stop!! But also as I have two young DD’s now and already worry that they see me slapping on a lot of make-up each morning. I try to distract from it and do believe my body/my choice, but it leaves me with a niggling feeling that I am doing them harm tbh.

Be interested to hear what others think🙂

In fairness, it probably was disconcerting to have me looking like I was scowling at them, and they'd say 'Are you OK..?' type thing. The final push came when I did some work in a school and one of the DC described me as 'the cross lady' lol. I'd never spoken to them, am actually hardly ever cross and certainly wasn't cross with them.

People are always asking me why I am cross too. I don't care. It's useful sometimes.

@ChangerMeNamer I've realised i didn't actually answer your question. I think I felt this much more at your age (i.e. going back to work after maternity leave at around 30). I didn't consider tweakments but I do remember feeling 'old' and worrying a lot about what I wore / looked like when I went back to offices I'd worked in before having DC, which seems utterly ridiculous now. As I said in my last post, I feel that much less now but to the extent that I do care about aesthetic stuff, work and how I'm perceived there does play a part in that.

I don't feel any pressure at all. I work in a school so there's no pressure from work at all. I'm 50 and I think I look older than that as I have quite a few wrinkles but I can honestly say it doesn't bother me. I've never been very focused on looks though and I dress for comfort. I would like to lose a bit of weight but that's more about how I feel than how I look.

Quite! Also - how rude of them! Because you're a woman you have to be smiley and passive the whole time?. I'd say most women have reasons to be cross.
I remember being told to "cheer up!" by a stranger, soon after my mother died. Believe me, he got a mouthful.

I'm 56 and have had loads done, but very subtly. I've had a neck lift (I had a turkey neck), a facelift, my excess eyelid skin taken off (they were hooded), and my eye bags removed. It's not really about looking younger than my age, I like being older and the respect that commands, but I just didn't like hooded eyes and turkey neck! I've just had botox too. I think what I find hard, is not looking like I did when younger, only because I was bloody drop dead gorgeous, and now I'm not. 😂But at least I'm not drooping and sagging, which is as good as I can make it.

No, I am my age trying to look different wont change it, i dont follow influencers or have any fashion or beauty interests on social media, my friends all look normal and their age i dont read fashion magazines so no o dont feel pressure from any where , if people wont accept me for me that is their problem

It doesnt have to make you comfortable but it's difficult to deny. Why on earth else would women try to appear more youthful than they actually are?

Or to better prove the point, why do you think there aren't any women who get up on a morning and spend time trying to make themselves look as old as possible. After all it should be assumed an older person has more knowledge, more experience, more wisdom, is better equipped to manage situations someone younger might not be, has more self control. So from a logical perspective it would make more sense to surely make ourselves look as old as possible rather than as young?

It doesn't have to be something you've given thought to or be something you're comfortable with as something we do without thinking and is a natural behaviour.

It is an eye opener becoming older and more invisible.

Men used to trip over themselves to help me but now they don’t even wait for me to leave a lift before barging me out of the way 😂

On the whole, I’m happy with being invisible though.

I think it must vary a great deal where you work. I work in education, with a load of burned out, frazzled people. I’m late 30s and don’t even wear makeup most days.

You all are/ were clearly gorgeous.

I was only ever average and I have just moved to less than average, so not too sad about the loss of my looks. DH is average too.

These days I have to work hard to stay healthy in my 50s, so that takes all my effort.

I’m quite lucky to look OK at 69. I have good skin and thick long hair that only needs a few highlights. I wouldn’t have Botox or fillers, I like to wear makeup and nice clothes but I draw the line at that. I’d rather spend the money on having fun.

No. In every place I’ve ever worked, age has been an advantage, and older colleagues are more respected/seen as experienced than ‘the kids’. People tend to think I’m younger than I am (not a brag, I think it’s partly because I’m mixed race and olive skinned, and different races tend to age differently), but that’s certainly not an advantage in the workplace. I think people take you less seriously if they think that you’re younger. I’m almost 40 but have been mistaken for someone in their late 20s.

Thanks everyone for the comments so far.

It does seem there is a real feeling of pressure for women, particularly in ‘professional’ settings, which is how I also feel. That this is more on women than men in the same setting.

Never is it more apparent than when myself and DH are both getting ready for a work from the office day, where he washes his face, brushes teeth and sort of flattens his thick hair aaaaand that’s about it..😅 Whereas I’m blow-drying (or dry-shampooing!), styling, make-up applying and faffing about over clothing, shoes, bag, suitable coat and ensuring I have top-up makeup for later.

I know not all women do all of that and some do more (nails etc), but it doesn’t feel very equal and that I would feel very judged if I went in barefaced, warts and all! Probably judged as tired / ill or the dreaded ‘let myself go’.

yes! I've been taken much more seriously at work now I'm older. I think it's especially relevant to women (vs men).

I feel lucky to say I’ve never encountered this, although I have definitely been overlooked for opportunities at work in the past due to being a mother. I don’t wear makeup or do anything beyond being clean and tidy and it doesn’t seem to work against me now I’m older.

Is this specifically to do with work though, or is it just that there is more pressure on women, in general, to look good? Presumably, if you were going on a night out, then you would also take longer to get ready than DH.

In the industries that I’ve worked in, these things are not advantageous at all. If anything, the more makeup you’re wearing, and the more ‘groomed’ you look, the more likely people are to think that you’re an airhead and not take you seriously (I’m not saying that this is a fair judgement btw, it’s just my observation of workplace behaviour).

I think that the desire to look young is more about appealing to the opposite sex than it is about being successful at work.

What? Even after the menopause, when you've no fucks left to give, you'd rather have a boil than sex and most men your age have a soft paunch and wrinkles. Get away with you.

I've never felt the pressure to look younger. My best friend died suddenly in her early thirties. I've spent the last 30 years knowing full well that aging is a privilege that we don't all get to enjoy.

Much better to fully inhabit your own skin and be happy every day you're here.

You raise some interesting thoughts OP and I've been reflecting on the different answers people have given.
I do believe there is far too much pressure on woman to look younger/slim as we age, and it appears to me that men are not held to the same standards we are, what a surprise!
For me personally, I've just turned 48 & have accepted my white (not even grey!) hair as part of what makes me who I am. I started going white at 19 and dyed it up until the pandemic. I do get comments about where I get my hair done, which to me shows how 'unusual' it is for a woman in her 40s to be happily naturally white, some people assume I've dyed it. Due to a crappy medical issue surrounding connective tissue I actually don't have any wrinkles, which I know many would kill for, but it has left me medically retired & in a wheelchair so swings & roundabouts!
My DD is 14 and I see my role now as showing her that beauty comes in many different forms...I'm decidedly average, whereas she is absolutely beautiful & I worry that she may feel the pressure to 'conform' as she gets older. I hope to goodness she doesn't x

I'm not convinced that artificially pumping up lips and cheeks and injecting Botox to stop natural movement of the forehead makes women looks more attractive and sexy.

In many cases it makes them look artificial and plastic, more doll like than sexy, and in many cases they can look positively weird.

I'm also not convinced that a lot of women who have these tweekments are doing to attract the opposite sex. Surely a lot of it is done because some women feel the need to conform to certain modern ideals. Others will do it because it makes them feel good about the way they look and present themselves. Why does it have to be about men?

I'm in my mid 70s. I still like to wear makeup, have my hair looking good and keep myself slim because it makes me feel good about myself and the way I present myself. I do it for me. In the same way I try to keep my mind as alert and as forward thinking as I can because that also makes me feel good.

Absolutely not and I never will. I’m super smart and funny and when I tried online dating I had a queue of eligible men round the block (seriously not joking). Even now when I go out I get chatted up all the time: my motto is I LOVE wrinkles.

I really dislike the homogeny of duck lips and contour face - everyone looks 35 and the same, whether they are 16 or 61.

I'm 46 and apparently I look in my late thirties, obviously it's flattering but I would never put literal poison in my face. I'm not against making the most of yourself, but I am against maiming yourself in the pyrrhic pursuit of youthfulness.

Would I have anything cosmetic done? You betcha - I am very top heavy and to be honest I think my 50th present to myself might well be a reduction to move things further north because that's not something that can be fixed without surgical intervention.

There aren’t enough eligible men on online dating to form a queue

No. I'm almost 60 and grew up influenced by strong women and watching people like Jo Brand and Dawn French make it clear that the way you look is fucking trivial. That women can be strong and funny and intelligent.

I've always felt that the way I look is the least interesting thing about me. I've never felt any pressure to look younger. My face reflects my life - why would I want to 'freeze' it at a certain age?

Not really. I am 75 - DD says I look younger, but hey! she's my DD! I dress in clothes I like, have never worn make-up (tried it at 16 and it felt sticky, yuck!) or smoked. Drink less than I did. Exercised in my 30s and 40s (payment for that is a dodgy knee) now dance, ring bells, walk and swim. Follow a dietary system and keep myself reasonably slim (cheaper - old clothes still fit and I like them). Have dyed my hair since my 40s.
Never bothered with what others thought. Have always had a good idea what was stylish and suited me and long ago decided never to wear anything that did not suit me, however fashionable. Would never use botox or plastic surgery (perfect as I am, thanks, i.e. an egoist).