Do you feel pressure to look younger or not aged?

[ChangerMeNamer]

Not a TAAT, but inspired by a recent thread about Botox and beauty standards.

I’m particularly interested to hear from others who have felt this pressure either quite early on (under 30) or at any age due to their career situation. When did this happen for you?

I started to feel pressure to look younger or at least not aged by 29/30, pretty much as soon as I’d had my first child it started. Initially the needing to shift the baby weight and then the tired face from sleepless nights etc. But I felt that was really amplified by the industry I work in, which is media adjacent (not TV/film) but an industry that has a lot of younger trendy people. I have a very senior role and manage a mixed team of people who are all younger than me (except 1 older lady, who shares my concerns).

I’m on the fence about cosmetic procedures, partly due to finances and not being sure I’d be able to maintain it and then being gutted if I had to stop!! But also as I have two young DD’s now and already worry that they see me slapping on a lot of make-up each morning. I try to distract from it and do believe my body/my choice, but it leaves me with a niggling feeling that I am doing them harm tbh.

Be interested to hear what others think🙂

I didn't feel pressure no. I didn't really care.

But then I had my child when I was 37 and I suddenly became obsessed that I might be mistaken for his grandma in the school playground.

Maybe I was just unlucky, but at maternity appointments all the other Mums to be appeared so much younger than me, because they probably were. I think thats what kicked the botox off for me. Then later, lip fillers.

That is an interesting point and I think you are onto something about disrespecting older people. Makes me think of the whole ‘Karen’ thing, which I found quite disturbing and another excuse to dismiss women over 35/40. Where’s the male equiv?

I don't feel pressure and never have. I know I'm an anomaly though. I feel sad that women feel this pressure but understand why they do.

I have had tear trough fillers a few times, I have very bad undereye bags. For me it was not about looking younger, I didn't care about that, but I was so tired of the constant refrain of "you look SO tired", 'you look exhausted ", "are you ok?" etc. I dont know why people think its acceptable to say these things to work colleagues, I would be at work, feeling fine, believe I looked totally normal or even good, and then someone would be sure to say something.

I started having them at 57, the first couple of times it was great. Then I moved country and went to a different doctor and he wasn't so good, overfilled and I looked a bit odd. So I haven't gone back in the last 2 years. Its still not quite right.

I am 62 now and my job is nearly all remote so hardly anyone sees me except on a screen.

Yes, exactly - the "Karen" thing is an excellent point. It's used frequently on here, and don't get me started on "Boomer". I also saw "middle aged" used as an insult.
There's no value in aging in our society, which I think is very sad.

Nobody looks younger because of Botox (I use Botox because it makes me look a fresher version of my actual age but I'm not deluded). I think it's quite undignified to be trying to look like professional peers who are younger they must find it really embarrassing.

Absolutely not.
IMHO 'taking care of yourself' doesn't just mean taking care of how you look, and it certainly doesn't mean freezing your face, pumping up your lips or refusing to accept that we all age. Some of the most beautiful women I have seen have also clearly aged, they have wrinkles, they have marks, they have grey in their hair. We need to stop telling our children that this is normal, because it isn't!

The only time I had a slight wobble was coming up to my 30th, it’s the end of youth. The brain has matured by 28 so it really is. I was also living in a shared house with my lovely but crackers alcoholic housemate. It was very brief and probably more to do with my living situation.

I’m 59 now, people are still nice to me and I do not get this invisible and older situation. DH says I have a very naturally warm, smiley face, so will always be beautiful I don’t dye my hair and it’s grey, I’m also mixed race, I think being comfortable in my own skin makes people comfortable. I admit I have very few lines probably due to such a diverse gene pool, Asian don’t raisin.

As per PP above, I feel more of a pressure to be thin and strong (the Pilates body) than to alter my face or dye my hair
Having said that I’m quite lucky that I don’t have any deep lines or wrinkles (nearly 42!) One of my friends had developed deep ‘11’ lines that made her look like she was permanently frowning in her early 30’s and has regular botox for those - I probably would have done the same in her shoes

I am a bit younger than you, but agree with you. Also, we need to be proud of who we are and what we have lived through.

I'm 27 and fortunate enough that most people think I look a lot younger than that. I get on buses and am ticketed as a "young person". I get ID'd in most places. But if I carry on being as stressed as I am most days, my appearance is going to very quickly age. I've always said that I wouldn't get surgery or filler or Botox, but if I age physically very quickly as I get older, I probably would.

Edited to add: older people obviously shouldn't ever feel the need to have surgery or Botox or fillers. But my self esteem is already so low that if I suddenly age very quickly, I would feel it necessary to get one or more of those things.

One thing that makes it easier for me is I am of Indian heritage, and ageing isn't as taboo. No equivalent for 'boomer' or 'Karen'. I am sometimes called 'Aunty' but it's not derogatory. An Aunty is a good, fine thing to be!

My mum is happily au natural and looks great. Valued and loved by all, wrinkly as she is.

I’m 37 and feel zero pressure to do fillers, treatments, Botox etc. I actively disagree with them and feel it’s sexist and harmful.

I do feel pressure to look well put together though, which I fail at miserably. Three young kids have zapped my time and motivation, I’m a wash and go type person. But I do feel insecure at the school gate and work. I miss blow drying my hair and feeling trim.

Not to burst your bubble, but up until my late 20's, perhaps even early 30's, people always seemed to think I was younger than I was. I feel like I aged a bit in my 30's and also again toward the end of my 40's, however I have had several people tell me they think I am younger than I actually am - who knows, good light, or maybe I just feel older than I look some days? Just enjoy being you, and each stage of life, focus on what makes you happy and brings you joy, and you will naturally look younger and healthier.

I am early 30s and work in an industry where there are lots of young women interested in beauty etc. and many get fillers/botox despite (in my opinion) not needing them.
Personally I do not feel the pressure to get any tweakments. My daughter looks just like me and if she were ever insecure about her face I would hate to be a hypocrite and say ‘you are beautiful, but I have changed those exact same features on myself because they were not good enough for me’.
I do, however, feel some kind of pressure to look ‘pulled together’ and would rarely leave the house without some minimal makeup on. So I’m not perfect in that respect.

That's lovely. Plus, I do like "Aunty". It's so friendly and respectful.

There definitely is more pressure on women to look a certain way, however increasing numbers of men seem to also be opting for treatments (including hair transplants).

Nope, not in the slightest. I’ve never understood the appeal of Botox or any kind of plastic surgery. I don’t really wear make-up either and never visit a hairdresser. Never had a manicure or a facial or any of the other things that seem to be normal for most.

I don't feel pressure and I wouldn't use botox or anything. I can't afford it and also I don't think I've ever met anyone IRL who actually looks any younger for having it. They just look their age and you can see their face looks.... a bit off.

That's not to say there isn't anyone out there who looks younger for having it obviously! I just haven't met them in my little corner of the world (I don't get out much).

I'm only 39 and my skin is fine on the wrinkles side of things but maybe I'll feel differently about my appearance when wrinkles start to show up? It won't change the fact that I don't want any treatments on my face though.

I do have sun damage though which I don't really love and this definitely ages people but I still don't think I'd have anything done even if I could justify the cost.

I'm happy getting older and my (younger) husband looks older than me so maybe I feel less pressure?!

I wouldn't say that I feel pressure, I feel better when I look well, pressure from myself.

Cynic17, 60 isn't old..I see someone was happy to look younger than their actual age of 27, I have always looked younger than my actual age.In my twenties I was thrown out of pubs ) this was early 1970s. When I had my last DD at 41, a lot of people assumed it was my first, I had a 21 year old DD..I have pretty dgds in their teens twenties with the duck lips! It's nuts. Make the best of what you have. When you have worked in Burns and Plastics, you would be great for what you have.
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Where is this pressure to have these treatments coming from.

Women get passed over for promotion in a great many industries. It might very well be nothing to do with their ageing but more to do with the fact that, despite what we'd like to hope, in certain industries men will always be promoted over women no matter how qualified those women are; we still live in a male dominated society and men will likely promote men.

From reading this thread, it seems to me that the pressure is coming from the women themselves feeling the need to appear younger.

I very much doubt that anyone has actually told them that if they don't have weirdly smooth forehead or pumped up lips and cheeks then they won't get the promotion they want.

Does getting Botox actually result in women being treated with more respect in the workplace or in society generally? I doubt it.

Women have always, in our society, been required to look a certain way and behave a certain way. This constant attempt, that many women have brought into, to attempt to stop the ageing process is doing no one any favours and is just playing into the continuing societal pressure for women to conform to certain 'standard' and behaviour.

A short clip came up on my phone the other day from the TV programme 'long lost families' and it was so refreshing to see the presenter Davina McCall with a naturally ageing face; clearly her lack of tweekments is not holding her back in her career.

Ultimately, no one can't stop the ageing process

This ⬆️

Yes this!

I think many people subconsciously actually have less respect for women that have these visible tweakments. Especially when they are particularly visible.

Does that really denote a strong and capable woman? I would argue not, because it screams of wanting to change themselves to fit in, be seen in a particular way etc.

I've never felt any pressure to look younger. To look good, yes, because I like to be happy with what I see in the mirror. But that's coming from me. I dont think anyone else could care less what i look like.
The sector I work in probably helps as appearance really doesn't matter at all and there isn't any ageism. Also that I had my DC young and looked even younger than i was, and often felt I was treated differently and with less respect than the older mums.
So basically, no, looking younger has never been something I've aspired to or had to worry about. I don't like some of the effects of aging on my own face, but that's just me.