Do you feel pressure to look younger or not aged?

[ChangerMeNamer]

Not a TAAT, but inspired by a recent thread about Botox and beauty standards.

I’m particularly interested to hear from others who have felt this pressure either quite early on (under 30) or at any age due to their career situation. When did this happen for you?

I started to feel pressure to look younger or at least not aged by 29/30, pretty much as soon as I’d had my first child it started. Initially the needing to shift the baby weight and then the tired face from sleepless nights etc. But I felt that was really amplified by the industry I work in, which is media adjacent (not TV/film) but an industry that has a lot of younger trendy people. I have a very senior role and manage a mixed team of people who are all younger than me (except 1 older lady, who shares my concerns).

I’m on the fence about cosmetic procedures, partly due to finances and not being sure I’d be able to maintain it and then being gutted if I had to stop!! But also as I have two young DD’s now and already worry that they see me slapping on a lot of make-up each morning. I try to distract from it and do believe my body/my choice, but it leaves me with a niggling feeling that I am doing them harm tbh.

Be interested to hear what others think🙂

No. I am 45, I have some grey hair, some extra weight, some uneveness in my skin texture, some wrinkles, some sagging... this is just a normal part of life, why would I inject chemicals in my body to change it?? I cannot understand that way of thinking, at all.

For me, one of the benefits of being 45 and not 15 is I don't really care if I look like my peers, or fit some social standard of female beauty. I'm 45! I'm past that shit, I like me as I am now and not really worried about how I measure up to strangers.

I hope that everyone on this thread who may be reaching to inject expensive chemicals into their perfectly fine-as-they-are faces can have the same realisation, and then let's teach our daughters the same.

I don’t really feel pressure to look young. I’m only 32 so maybe it’ll happen as I get older but I would say I like to look nice, dress well, do my hair and make up etc, but I’m not trying to look young particularly. While I wouldn’t rule out Botox/cosmetic procedures for the future it’s not something I’ve considered for now.

I work in the medical profession, and I actually think appearing slightly older (I took a slightly longer route into this career so I’m a couple of years older than some of my peers who are the same grade) helps lend a bit more gravitas, and I do feel like I’m maybe taken slightly more seriously as I get older. Another factor is that, because of my role, I’ve seen first hand how fragile life is, and now I see aging as a privilege.

I don't feel the pressure to look younger, and have never felt the pressure to look younger.

Thankfully, I have good skin, never smoked, rarely drink. Although I did have about 10 years of hard partying(those Sunday morning mirror checks were scary) so it may just be down to good genes (neither of my parents look like they're a year off being 80) and luck, and the copious amounts of water I drink.

Looking healthy and happy is more important.

I don't believe people ever look younger than they are. There's a plump youthfulness to your skin that, once gone, will never come back.

I don't think I feel any pressure to look "younger". I'm very happy to look my age (41) but would like to look (and be, and feel) as healthy as possible, and to me "healthy" is glowing skin, an appearance of being well rested, being a healthy weight and so on.

The reality is in the main you can't look younger than your age - you can look good, polished, groomed, clean and healthy, etc but you will look more or less your age, with very few exceptions.

So often on MN someone says she's 55 but told she's often mistaken for 35, or a 40 year old is delighted as she's been asked for ID in a bar! I don't know how women can fall for this.

As for very young women in their teens and 20s having Botox and the like - I was flabbergasted not long ago to see a couple of women (botox, big lips, harsh make up, hair extensions, 1" lashes) who were involved with the same footballer turned out to be something like 28 years old! Honestly they looked at least 45.

I’m early 40’s and not feeling it too much - I am keen to look well, but not necessarily young. Youth is fetishised - we really need to focus on the positives of getting older - wisdom, experience, less attention from men, not being dead and so on.

I don’t like the botox look - I think you can almost always tell (thinking about celebrities, who can surely afford the best practitioners, and you can still always tell). If you don’t use muscles they atrophy, so I think it is probably making things worse underneath. Also, youthful faces move (as all faces should) - people lose a lot of their charm when they start changing their faces.

I've never felt the pressure to look younger and, at 46, I actually look older than I am.
However, I understand why people go for the enhanced look and I don't judge them for doing so, not think I am somehow morally superior for abstaining from them.

I was shocked that Bonnie Blue is only 25! I mean, she's had a rough life (!), but she looks like a well-preserved 48 year old to me, thanks to the botox and fillers at too young an age.

I've never met anyone who looks younger after having those types of treatments. They just look like they've had treatments done and that's what I notice first when looking at them. Sometimes it looks pretty good and often the person seems much happier which is great, but they don't look younger.

for clarity`: I have light Botox and yearly profhilo. I have a skincare regime and use make up routinely. I am not immune to vanity and wish to present myself as well groomed BUT I have no fear of aging. My beloved mum always looked beautiful to me (to be fair I think she was actually beautiful with fine bones and beautiful eyes) and as she aged, I saw the difference but just saw a different kind of beauty. This gave me confidence not to fear ageing. DS also (unwittingly) gave me confidence recently. Lunching with him in a well known London location there were many beautiful women and most much younger than myself. I commented on this. Looking around he remarked that they looked stressed and busy, and by being relaxed and happy I was easily the most beautiful woman in the room. He is a man working in The City, married, serious and usually taciturn. I took this as a male point of view and wonder if the old cliche of being happy in your own skin probably gives an illusion of beauty at any age…..I hope that helps answer the question?

Do you not think that placing so much importance on a woman's appearance that you extrapolate character traits about her from it is problematic behaviour on your part? Do you also think overweight women lack the self respect to look after their health? Or women wearing unique clothing are attention seekers? Or those dressed in generic high street trends are followers desperate to fit in, and not leaders?

In 29 and no. I personally don’t feel the pressure to look young or avoiding ‘aging’

I don’t know if it’s because I’m only 29, and I don’t really have many signs of aging yet (other than some eye wrinkles when I smile and the odd grey hair in the eyebrow that keeps appearing 🤣) and I’m not old enough to feel the pressure yet, or whether I’m just comfortable enough in my own skin and I’ve seen people get older and never thought they need to look younger.

I know the majority of people my age and younger have regular Botox, fillers, invasive treatments to help with the effects of aging but I personally just don’t like the look. I find it obvious once someone had such regular treatments, the aging no longer looks natural after a few treatments and I just don’t think it’s very graceful.

Ive got two children, so I could definitely shed some weight.. but I want to do that for me rather than feeling pressured by anyone else.

i suppose I’m just content in the way I look as I get older and it just feel natural to develop some wrinkles and skin imperfections here and there as I age 🤣

It's because I work around young, trendy people that I don't feel any pressure to look younger. You're on a hiding to nothing trying to pretend to be as young as an actual young person (and it's stupid, too, because your value is now your experience). If you want to look good as a 40/50-year-old, do so on your own terms as a 40/50-year-old - looking good and looking young aren't the same things. But a 40/50-year-old trying to compete with 25-year-olds for their youth is always going to look like a sad clown.

I agree its awful that people feel they 'have to' use botex, fillers etc. Social media dictating to many.

I felt a pressure but I worked in a male dominated workplace and they clearly didn’t feel a similar pressure so I chose very deliberately to ignore it - no make up, simple clothes not a different outfit every day , flat comfortable shoes and it didn’t do me any harm - if anything it emphasised I was there for my tech skills and i gradually realised it gave out some level of confidence in myself. When I left I was the highest tech woman in my unit and my leaving caused a lot of consternation so I don’t think it did me harm

not sure if it would be as easy if it wasn’t for me doing the tech role though - if I had been HR or finance might it have seemed harder ? Because there wasn’t much previous to be judged against

I think it's worth remembering that not all cosmetic procedures look overdone - we just notice when people overdo it. It's like anything else - over-processed hair, over eating... too much of anything really - the extremes are what catch our eye.
If something makes someone feel good about themselves, whether it's makeup, fillers, hair dye, whatever - why not? Some people wear a full face of makeup every day, others don't touch the stuff. Both are fine.
What I actually think is worse than any of that is commenting on other people's appearance in the first place. People are just trying to feel good in their own skin, and we all do that differently. Let people do what works for them.

The thread is about pressure to look younger, not having treatments per se.

I’m nearly 49 and probably look it!I was nearly grey by the time I was 40 so kept dying my hair, through covid I grew it all out and now have a grey / salt and pepper pixie cut. I get it cut properly every couple of months, get my eyebrows done, waxing and pedicures and generally try to stay ‘groomed’ and exercise 4-5 times a week

I’ve packed on a ton of weight in menopause which I’m having trouble shifting, plus facial hair etc has gone mental 😬 I like to look stylish but the weight makes it difficult to do this. Something has flipped in the last two years where i can’t wear stuff i would have done without looking ‘mumsy’ (I’m a mum, have no issue with that, I just want a different style)

I got botox, mainly for my 11s as they’ve always been bad, but it didn’t work well so i haven’t done it since.

Had a decent convo with a facialist (turkey neck etc is starting..) who recommended hifu etc but it’s expensive and im
worried Ill have some sort of reaction.

I’ve deffo slipped into invisible woman territory in the last cpl of years and whilst it’s liberating, it’s also weird. I do think if you go down the anti ageing route, you need to do all of it. Old looking hands and chest bone are dead giveaways!

I mean I dye my hair. So obviously.

I’d have to be very stupid to think my choices are made in a vacuum given the society in which we live.

I am finding these threads a very interesting juxtaposition to the threads on which around 90% of mumsnetters insist they look up to 15 years younger than they are.

My whole approach to the way I look is wanting to boost my confidence, enable me to feel my best and to feel strong and healthy.

So I do care quite a lot about looking groomed and looking healthy and capable. I am under a certain amount of pressure to look groomed for work and sometimes this shades over into things which are influenced by youth: ie most women in my industry dye their hair and so do I. I find nicely cut clothes, well cut and coloured hair and nice nails help me feel more pulled together.

I would never approach this from the perspective of wanting to look "young" for its own sake.

I'm not young, I'll never be young again and I'm fine with that. I'm very happy to be a 50-something woman and I have no problem looking like one. For me my age is (in general) a positive thing. It's enabled me to learn a lot about myself, to gain a lot of life experience and to figure out how to navigate things. Why would I want people to think I'm less experienced, more vulnerable and less autonomous than I am? It makes no sense to me at all.

No cosmetic interventions here. I feel pressure to look (be !) reasonably fit and you can't fake that sadly.

In my 30s i didn't give a shit. I looked good and i knew it. In my 40s i suddenly started to think about aging and was all about trying to still look 30 something. i'm blessed with good skin, blue eyed blonde 'baby face' and a good figure so it wasn't too hard.

Now 50s there's no denying im looking like i've been here a looong time older 😳🤣 I don't like it but that's life. i have people round me who love me for me and that's what's important.

There are some things you just can't hide or change. Skin texture. Joint shape on hands and feet ect. To anyone really looking you can see age. It's there and it has its tell tale signs no matter how smooth and shiney your forehead might be - it all starts to look odd when you mess with bits of it imho.

When age guessing happens im still doing well but i look like what i am - a mature woman. And that's fine.

Nowadays im more feeling the pressure to do the daily yoga and get/keep the pounds off. Because in my eyes that's the new battle. 'staying young' issues in your 50s and onwards is more about the body than the face.

Being able to bend to the floor or get out of a chair without groaning, sit cross legged on the floor with my grand daughter and play, still move with a bit of grace. Keep up with the exercises that stop my back going again !

"looking younger" doesn't have any meaning at all really, it's so subjective.
Looking after yourself and keeping well is a positive, part of that it taking care of skin and hair and presenting well.
Thinking that you'll be ever young is a bit delusional, though!

Im intrigued that you think of things like botox as women taking 'good care of themselves' - do you think men who don't use botox are not taking good care of themselves?

I feel very little of this pressure to look a certain way, but then I do not feel my value lies in my appearance to be honest. I'm an intelligent and capable woman with a decent job, a loving and good mum, im clean and well presented. I exercise and eat a reasonable diet but i also enjoy indulging in a few treats, life is for living.
Yes i have a few lines in my skin now. That's ok, I've lived. I'm content with my face when I look in the mirror, honestly

I’m 61 and believe I look ok for my age - most people would guess me at 55ish
The only thing I do is dye my hair which I started doing mid 30s when a few grey hairs appeared
I will embrace the grey fully if there is ever enough of it to allow me as it can look very stylish but DM is 86 and not fully grey yet
I am trying to lose weight at moment but don’t want to go too low as think that can be just as aging
For me it’s about looking the best I can - dressing to suit my figure and the occasion, the right pair of glasses can make a huge difference - my prescription ones come out around £1k and have just spent £600 on sunglasses

No i don't feel any pressure. I couldn't give a hoot what anyone thinks about how i look.