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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say DH needs to stay home next weekend?

162 replies

Mediocrewife · 28/09/2025 21:52

Arguing with DH. He's come back from his hobby and told me he's away hillwalking next weekend. No discussion which is not like him. Just I'm away with my friends for the whole day. Again.
The last two weekends he's been away for most of both days doing sporty thing/hobby, weekend after next he's away training for his work. Weekend after that he's something else on again.
So next weekend I was actually looking forward to having some help and time with him.I've broken my arm and its still really sore so I've been struggling with housework, running around and picking up kids and looking after our dogs. He's just got a new dog so more work.
Except its me whose bloody doing the work. Or it feels like it! I'm bloody knackered! I need a bit of help!
I've had no time to do any of the billing for my business this weekend or clean my van or you know.....relax! I'm supposed to be resting my arm.

Probably being unreasonable but I'm sore and tired and cannot see a compromise. He's not usually like this.

OP posts:
Mondayblues2 · 28/09/2025 21:54

He needs to spend some time at home. YANBU

cadburyegg · 28/09/2025 21:55

You’ve broken your arm, got kids and dogs to look after and he’s going off every chance he gets to do his hobbies and hanging out with his mates? Fuck that. He needs to be at home almost all of the time right now imo.

PersephoneParlormaid · 28/09/2025 21:55

No, no, no. You get equal days off. Make sure you take them.

Beekman · 28/09/2025 21:56

It’s good that your DH has friends and hobbies, no one wants a partner who has neither, but he also has a family and it is not unreasonable to expect him to spend most of the weekend with you and the kids. Can you negotiate with him about the amount of time he spends doing his own stuff? Come to some sort of agreement about what’s acceptable to you both?

Mintearo7 · 28/09/2025 21:58

That’s ridiculous. He needs a reality check.

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 28/09/2025 21:58

YANBU. He doesn't get to opt out of home life because it's the weekend.

Mrspatmoresapprentice · 28/09/2025 21:58

I will admit to being a complete cynic, but is he really “hill walking”? Especially if this is unusual behavior for him?
We both have seperate hobbies that we enjoy but if I had a broken arm? DH wouldn’t dream of leaving me to it.

SwingTheMonkey · 28/09/2025 21:58

Not a chance in hell I’d put up with this.

JoeySchoolOfActing · 28/09/2025 21:59

Pretty gobsmacked you think YA probably BU.

You've got a broken arm, kids to look after, a business to run, a house to deal with plus dogs to care for.

He is away weekend after weekend with his hobby and once for work. He is not looking after his kids, his house, his dogs or caring for his wife who has a broken arm.

He hasn't discussed the next trip with you but has told you he is going.

Then he is arguing with you when you protest.

He sounds like a total shit.

SALaw · 28/09/2025 22:00

Jesus just tell him no can do, you’ve broken your arm for god’s sake and he needs to stay home?!

stomachamelon · 28/09/2025 22:02

You are a much better person than I. I would have blown my stack way before now! Just say no. I can’t manage. Not, do you mind? I bloody mind for you…. Ffs!!

Tiswa · 28/09/2025 22:04

He is leaving the new dog he wanted and you worry you are being unreasonable

nope and you need to tell him that

Merryoldgoat · 28/09/2025 22:04

I’m honestly utterly baffled you could think YABU for 5 minutes.

The fact you even have to tell him is shocking frankly.

I think this all sounds a bit suspect to be honest.

AnniesMother · 28/09/2025 22:08

No decent person would think this is ok op

Lavender14 · 28/09/2025 22:17

Are your children old enough to be left by themselves when you go out for the day op?

If not then I'd actually tally it over the last however many months. How may days he's taken aside for his hobby where you have had to hold Fort with the kids etc and how many days you have been able to head off and do your own thing and he's been home alone to do everything. Then I'd add in the amount of family time and date time for just the two of you.

If he wants to be a single man he can take his dog and do as much hillwalking as he wants. But you are not purely there to facilitate him living the life of a single man while still enjoying all the benefits of a family, clean house, food on the table etc. He's your partner not your teenage son. Treat him as such. He'll only treat you like this if you continue to let him. Divide chores, split finances, split duties with the kids and agree a fair and equal amount of time you each get to yourselves in the month and factor in couple and family time. If he refuses then you know he's doing this on purpose because he's selfish.

ThejoyofNC · 28/09/2025 22:18

He's taking the piss. Stop allowing him to.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/09/2025 22:23

He’s a cheeky shit. Have you asked him why he doesn’t want to spend time with his wife, kids and dogs? Or why he got a new dog he isn’t around to care for?

I wouldn’t tolerate this at all and my arms are fine and we don’t have pets. He’s taking the absolute piss and being an appalling husband and father.

Hellohelga · 28/09/2025 22:25

I’d be so fed up with a DH that was never around. We like to be together .

Iloveacurry · 28/09/2025 22:27

Tell him to go, and don’t come back!

Brandyb · 28/09/2025 22:30

Struggling to see how you can salvage a relationship with someone who can be so blind/selfish. Such disappointing behaviour, it would make me contemptuous of him

SparklyCardigan · 28/09/2025 22:33

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Morningsleepin · 28/09/2025 22:40

It sounds like he thinks you're staff

Cherryicecreamx · 28/09/2025 22:42

Ugh just telling you and leaving your with all the responsibilities and a broken arm! Sorry but it doesn't sound like you're very high on his list of priorities. He can't even give you a day to relax and recover.. or offer to help you with the van or something! Not much of a partner 😕

MoominMai · 28/09/2025 22:47

Mintearo7 · 28/09/2025 21:58

That’s ridiculous. He needs a reality check.

Right?! These threads wind me up so much. I swear there’s a certain group of men out there who are desperate to have kids and a family just so they’re not alone and all cleaning and cooking is done for them but otherwise intend fully on carrying on with as much as their old single life as possible knowing that the mother can be bullied/cajoled/guilted into being the FT skivvy until his body ages and slows down and then he’ll reap the rewards of his grown up children, grandkids maybe and have a happy retirement with no impact on his pension either. I mean it’s a fantastic way of life for them isn’t it that so many wives ‘give’ them as they’ll do anything to prevent them leaving or kids being without a dad - and they all know that too hence they usually get their way and wife just consoles herself with ‘well he is the breadwinner and otherwise a good dad’… 😡

TeaAndTattoos · 28/09/2025 22:52

YANBU he’s a being selfish twat I know how you are feeling I fell over and broke my wrist and snapped my radius that needed surgery to fix with a plate and screws the pain for the first
few weeks was horrible I struggled to do anything but my DH stepped up a bit and took on feeding all the pets and doing the tea. I couldn’t use my arm at all for 6 weeks the cast was the worst part it went from my fingers to above my elbow. You should be resting right now and not running round picking up after everyone surprised your still able to work never mind anything else I couldn’t even cook a meal for myself. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to.