To say DH needs to stay home next weekend?

[Mediocrewife]

Arguing with DH. He's come back from his hobby and told me he's away hillwalking next weekend. No discussion which is not like him. Just I'm away with my friends for the whole day. Again.
The last two weekends he's been away for most of both days doing sporty thing/hobby, weekend after next he's away training for his work. Weekend after that he's something else on again.
So next weekend I was actually looking forward to having some help and time with him.I've broken my arm and its still really sore so I've been struggling with housework, running around and picking up kids and looking after our dogs. He's just got a new dog so more work.
Except its me whose bloody doing the work. Or it feels like it! I'm bloody knackered! I need a bit of help!
I've had no time to do any of the billing for my business this weekend or clean my van or you know.....relax! I'm supposed to be resting my arm.

Probably being unreasonable but I'm sore and tired and cannot see a compromise. He's not usually like this.

I don’t think your husband likes you very much as you have a broken arm yet he’s continuously leaving you alone to deal with the entire household including new pets and all the childcare? You have a broken arm, most normal people rally around their loved ones in that situation. I think he’s checked out of the relationship and doesn’t respect you, he’s quite clearly trying to spend as little time as possible at home. It’s fine for him to socialise and have hobbies but if his wife has broken limbs, she should be the top priority until she’s recovered

I’m not a fan of telling a partner what they must/ mustn’t do. I AM however a fan of communicating how their actions impact me (and any children) and pointing out the consequences of their decisions. Talk to HIM about your relationship generally, how he feels about it, and how he feels about life generally. I’m not trying to justify him going out/ away every weekend, but sometimes, if work is stressful, for example, people feel as if they need a break from stress, and having a family at home relying on you to do everything is too much (I’m talking about a “perception” as opposed to your “reality”). All I’m saying is “communicate”. And that involves listening, as well as talking.
Only YOU know if you want to save the relationship, and the problem with threads like this, is you will get all the LTB comments, which will shore up your belief that you are “right” and he is “wrong”, and will widen the divide, instead of realising you have a problem and sorting it out with your chosen “partner”.

"I need a bit of help!"
No, you don't need a bit of help - you need your husband to shoulder his own responsibilities instead of unloading them onto you all the time. NEVER frame it as him helping you, because that's the equivalent of daying it's your job to do all this when it isn't.

I would be pointing out the blood obvious to him - he is a husband and a father and a dog owner, and he needs to fulfil his responsibilities to each of thee roles before pissing off on yet another jolly. He should be doing this under normal circumstances anyway; but particularly when you are injured and him not being around to deal with the physical stuff could delay your healing or worsen the injury.

He needs to behave like an adult, not a teenager treating his home as a hotel - which is frankly what he is doing.

That he can behave like this when you have as serious an injury as a broken arm, an injury which seriously impacts and slows down almost every activity - well it beggars belief. It also raises in my mind the suspicion that he is effectively checking out of the relationship.

I'd be blunt. 'I have a broken arm and you need to step up and take care of your children and the dogs because I cannot'.

You say 'he' got a new dog? Does this mean you didn't want the new dog?

Tell him you actually already have plans at the weekend (even if all those plans are are you taking yourself out for the day to do something for yourself. A haircut, the cinema, a walk.), so he needs to figure out what is going to happen with the kids / dogs if he wants to go on his walking weekend because it's your turn to have a break.

You cannot just f off every weekend for the whole weekend when you have kids and pets at home - its just not how life works.

“WhereYouLeftIt · Today 02:19

"I need a bit of help!"
No, you don't need a bit of help - you need your husband to shoulder his own responsibilities instead of unloading them onto you all the time. NEVER frame it as him helping you, because that's the equivalent of saying it's your job to do all this when it isn't.
I would be pointing out the blood obvious to him - he is a husband and a father and a dog owner, and he needs to fulfil his responsibilities to each of thee roles before pissing off on yet another jolly. He should be doing this under normal circumstances anyway; but particularly when you are injured and him not being around to deal with the physical stuff could delay your healing or worsen the injury.”

This with absolute bells on. It’s not helping. It’s parenting and running a household. His job as much as yours.

Not a chance op. He is really
taking the piss

Hang on, are these his kids??

And why are you looking after HIS dog???

So many questions....

So you have a broken my arm which you're supposed to be resting. You're struggling with housework, running around and picking up kids and looking after your dogs including "his" new dog. You've had no time to do any of the billing for your business this weekend or clean your van. He is planning to be away for five weekends - at least for one day this time- in a row. No, you are not being unreasonable - he is. To be honest, I'd be wondering if somebody had caught his eye at the hobby or hillwalking group but I am probably just old and cynical. He could simply be skiving off his responsibilities as a husband and father. I would be incandescent if my husband left me to struggle through all this stuff with a painful broken arm while he was off indulging in his hobbies. My husband loves golf - he plays 2-3 times a week. But he never plays golf at the weekend because that is our time and that was the deal early in our marriage.

This is exactly what I was thinking. I wouldn’t want to see him or be near him ever again. Honestly I’m not part of the LTB crew but this level of selfishness and disregard for me, from my husband would be too much.

You're not being unreasonable OP. You literally can't do everything while he's away every weekend. You need to rest to get better.

No, she is right and he is wrong (unless there’s a massive drip feed coming) it’s ok to call things as they are.

How can a man not know leaving his wife with a broken arm who is in pain and doesn’t have her usual mobility alone to manage, without asking her permission first is ok? Especially when he was the one who recently got a new dog. Even if she agreed to it you’d think a decent man wouldn’t want to go off yet another weekend and spend time with his wife who needs him to pitch in and do his share!

It doesn’t matter how stressed he is at work or with life - he should still be decent enough to shoulder his own responsibilities and not drop everything upon his wife’s back causing her more stress.

As an adult with responsibilities you can’t just go full selfish and show zero consideration for the person you’re meant to love most when you’re feeling stressed.

Exactly. Women need to watch men’s actions carefully because often men don’t leave until they’re ready. They are happy to enjoy the convenience of the relationship, until it suits them, but in the meantime they will show you exactly how they feel about you by their actions and how they treat you. Too many women are living with men who dislike them and they don’t even realise - it’s a shame.

This with bells on.

OP - are you very sure that he’s definitely doing all these things at the weekend and who he’s doing them with? How is he on weekdays?

YANBU and are a pushover!
This can’t continue - you need a firm and frank discussion about how unfair he’s being. Put your foot down! Why not check into a hotel/ stay with friend Friday night if necessary - show him you mean it.

He is taking the piss.

You need to rehome the new dog asap. Hes not going to step up.

Leave early - Thursday. Send him a message to announce the fact that he will be in charge of the kids this weekend, and if you find out that he’s handed them over to his mummy and gone hill walking, you will be seeing a solicitor.

Keep the dog. Rehome the man.

OP, I agree with most of these comments. It's appalling how little consideration he has for you. However.....

Maybe with enough persuasion you could get him to cancel or curtail his plans. It could be problematic though. I'd expect resentment and accusations of you controlling him. Followed by him doubling down on his leisure time in the future as you 'won't need' him around now your recovered.

We see a lot of 'put your foot down' and 'sit him down' comments on these threads. The problem is, if you have to force him to prioritise you, then you were never his priority in the first place.

Ultimately he has already decided there are more important things than being home with his family, broken arm or not. You may get him to stay home by forcing the issue but you'll never make him want to.

YANBU at all. He on the other hand needs a real reality check. You need to have a serious discussion about how he has a family and whilst the odd weekend day out solo is fine, then we majority of weekend time should be family time - and especially when you’re struggling with a broken arm! Plus, you get equal “you time”, so take it and relax.

No drip feed incoming. I'm so so so disappointed in him. I expect better than this. He's usually a great DH/dad. Our kids are early/mid teens so fairly independent. Both kids are his, only one is mine. The new dog was his idea, I did agree and love him to bits.
We did talk and agreed to share new dog duties. Which we've been doing.

He's not cheating, I know that! He's genuinely just going out with his friends. I just cannot believe he thought at any point that this would be ok with me! We do have our own lives and go out and do things. But I have told him I need help.
When I said he cant go (in a state of disbelief) he was upset!

PP is right, we need to talk. I couldnt in the moment as I actuallly couldnt believe I would need to spell out to an intelligent articulate man that this is not ok. I currently dont have the words! Dont worry I'll find them! Just so fuckin disappointed and angry!
Oh and I'm going out next weekend with friends anyway. My turn. But he thinks its ok for us both to be out and no one to do the grunt work.

This.
Or 1:1 hill walking with a friend who happens to be a woman who "really gets him"...

You're also looking after his child while he's out and about?? OP, that's a drip feed right there. The bloody cheek of him x

EDIT: He got upset when you said he couldn't go? Why is he upset about spending time with his family?

There was a thread a while back about a 'DH' who got upset about not being able to do his hobby one weekend......

to be fair, theyre older and fairly independent. Lives with us full time and I love them like my own!
Apologies, didnt think it was a drip feed.

It just adds a bit more to the cheeky fuckery. You're also step parenting and facilitating his leisure time while he doesn't give a shit it would seem.