To say DH needs to stay home next weekend?

[Mediocrewife]

Arguing with DH. He's come back from his hobby and told me he's away hillwalking next weekend. No discussion which is not like him. Just I'm away with my friends for the whole day. Again.
The last two weekends he's been away for most of both days doing sporty thing/hobby, weekend after next he's away training for his work. Weekend after that he's something else on again.
So next weekend I was actually looking forward to having some help and time with him.I've broken my arm and its still really sore so I've been struggling with housework, running around and picking up kids and looking after our dogs. He's just got a new dog so more work.
Except its me whose bloody doing the work. Or it feels like it! I'm bloody knackered! I need a bit of help!
I've had no time to do any of the billing for my business this weekend or clean my van or you know.....relax! I'm supposed to be resting my arm.

Probably being unreasonable but I'm sore and tired and cannot see a compromise. He's not usually like this.

What’s the point of you 2 being married? Is it just a childcare arrangement?

He’s majorly taking the piss and I’d be telling him that!

Oh wow, I don't think I could be with someone like that ! Main reason is because you have broken your fing arm!!! Like hello where's the help with the doggies?! I understand his hobbies and going out etc but at this moment in time you need the most help and he's being selfish I cant understand it. So yeah talking is key.

How do you know he's not cheating?

It’s not about ‘help’, it’s about doing his fair share. So I wouldn’t make it about your needs but a general conversation about whether he thinks he’s pulling his weight in the relationship, household, as a partner, dad and dog owner. Interesting what he says.

You are his servant and he loves jollies at the weekend which gives him time to relax!

If I'd broken my arm, there's no way my husband would be disappearing off for the weekend/days out with his mates. I wouldn't even need to say anything to him either, he'd know he needed to stay at home. In fact, he'd want to stay at home to make sure I was OK, and not doing too much!! Your husband thinks it's acceptable to go off every weekend doing his own thing, whilst his wife struggles with the children, every day tasks, dogs and a broken arm!!!! Your husband needs one almighty reality check. He doesn't get to disappear for weekends away, whilst you're struggling. That's inconsiderate and bloody selfish. Absolutely nothing wrong in having hobbies, but there are times when family comes first.

He needs to look after his dog. Or pay for it to go to kennels when he’s away.

YANBU

I’d be furious with his selfishness.

So you haven’t even got time to do everything you need for your business, yet he’s off enjoying his hobbies? Fuck that.

And I know you love your step-child like your own, but he’s the biological parent AND wanted a dog, so arguably he’s got more responsibilities at home than you do.

Leaving you with all the housework, the kids, dogs, his new dog, even without a broken arm I wouldn't even put up with this. Even teens in a household should be doing their share of chores in the weekend and know to step up when someone is injured. He's an overgrown brat imo.

I would also hire a cleaner to do a house clean and get the van valet cleaned. And if the children are older why aren't they helping out?

This is another one of those situations where it is glaringly obvious that this man does not love you, OP. By behaving the way he is, when you have asked him to stay home, he's actually showing contempt.

If someone you loved was in pain and needing help, you'd be willing to make 'sacrifices' (not that giving up going out is that big a deal). You would want to spare them pain, and would WANT to stay home with them to do that. You know that, OP. You know you would do that for him, or for the children.

It's what anyone would do for a person they loved. It's minimal effort too.

Therefore, he is loudly demonstrating that he doesn't love you.

Once you can accept that, his behaviour becomes completely understandable and your options become far more clear.

And if this lack of love is new for him, I certainly wouldn't discount an affair.

YANBU. My marriage broke down due to my ex doing his hobby every weekend and leaving me with our baby, when we divorced he was an after school tea time Dad so that he didn't have to have her on the weekends. All of his leave goes on his hobby holidays. Despite traveling the world he never taken our daughter abroad.

Tell him he can go if he takes the kids AND the dogs with him.. otherwise, no.

Reminds me of the husband in Motherland!

Tell him either he stays home or takes the dogs and children hill walking with him. So there is no argument I would arrange to go and stay with a friend from Friday to Sunday.

Why isn’t he taking the fucking dog? Surely if you are going for a countryside walk the dog goes too?

So after you had your chat is he staying at home ?

This.

If this is new behaviour, what do you think might be going on?

No apology needed, yes arguably
this is a drip feed in a way but not one that justifies your husbands behaviour, it actually makes everything so much worse.

Sorry Op but it sounds like he’s a CF who has probably taken advantage of you in other ways over the years in more subtle ways.
You have helped raised not only your joint kid but his bio kid as well and now you’ve outlived most of your usefulness so the mask is coming off.

Incredibly inconsiderate.

It is normal in good partnership with loving teamwork that one person picks up extra if the other has something like a broken arm!!

Talk to him about how tiring it is being in pain, doing things slowly one-armed, doing things in awkward ways, one-armed, how it makes you feel vulnerable, and how you need support.

Presumably he’s taking the kids and dogs with him to give you a well deserved break?

of course he’s fucking not…

THE AUDACITY of these men!!!

This^

Well, however unpopular opinion, you are already arguing.
More he is forced, more he will disengage.
I wouldn't want to spend my free time with children and pets, but luckily I don't have any.

There are some elderly relatives, who tried to push me to a visit (in another country).
Result was, I didn't see them for five years.
How old is your husband?

The cynical side of me wonders if you've stopped having sex since you broke your arm and it's hurting. So many men want mainly this from a relationship, so if he's not getting it he's focussing on hobbies instead because in his mind there's no reason to be at home.

His behaviour, the skipping out on every weekend and the argument when you pull him up on it, would be a deal breaker for me. I'd be telling him to not bother coming back and filing for divorce. If you're going to be a single parent you may as well be a single parent. It allows for better planning and setup and less disappointment.

His new dog would go into kennels (book the dog in, take them there, give them his number not yours, leave him with the sorting out of it all and the bill. He'll soon know about it when they inform him he needs to collect his dog). Any "family" dog he doesn't bother with and you'd prefer didn't exist, would be getting either rehomed ASAP or PTS, dependant on age/health/temperament (ie unless younger, perfect, angelic - the type everyone wants and that would easily find a good home, I wouldn't risk them not being cared for/happy and would PTS, better in that situation to say they've had a good life up to now and it ends here with no risk of suffering).

Get a cleaner from an agency temporarily while arm heals and part time nanny too if funds allow. Like you said, you're supposed to be resting. You don't want lifelong functioning or pain issues because you tried to carry on as normal. No amount of saving money is worth that.