To say DH needs to stay home next weekend?

[Mediocrewife]

Arguing with DH. He's come back from his hobby and told me he's away hillwalking next weekend. No discussion which is not like him. Just I'm away with my friends for the whole day. Again.
The last two weekends he's been away for most of both days doing sporty thing/hobby, weekend after next he's away training for his work. Weekend after that he's something else on again.
So next weekend I was actually looking forward to having some help and time with him.I've broken my arm and its still really sore so I've been struggling with housework, running around and picking up kids and looking after our dogs. He's just got a new dog so more work.
Except its me whose bloody doing the work. Or it feels like it! I'm bloody knackered! I need a bit of help!
I've had no time to do any of the billing for my business this weekend or clean my van or you know.....relax! I'm supposed to be resting my arm.

Probably being unreasonable but I'm sore and tired and cannot see a compromise. He's not usually like this.

Aw diddums. Kids and a dog - what a ballache.
That would be a dream for many men!

Stop doing everything then you’ll free up some time to do things you want to do

Looking after his own kids and dogs? Why does he get to opt out?

He wants you, his much loved life partner who is currently of broken arm, and/or somebody else, to look after his kids and his dogs, including his new dog, for 5 weekends in a row?

I presume he works Monday to Friday?

When exactly is he intending to put the hours into training the new dog that he promised to do half of the work with? When exactly during these 5 weeks is he intending to share the parenting and housework load, and to temporarily and in a timely manor, take on more than half of the grunt work load because his partner is currently injured and in pain? Why exactly does he think his hobbies and leisure time should be prioritised over his children, wife and dogs' immediate needs, for over a month solid?

Feel free to show him my post. I'd love to hear his answers.

When i broke my ankle dh immediately stepped up and done everything for me. At night once kids were in bed he'd go to the pub for a pint to wind down. I encouraged it. No way would he have went out and left me to it.

Even without a broken arm YANBU
He needs to step up !!!!!

In this case yanbu. You've got a broken arm and he's already been away two weekends. Maybe he is having an affair. That is what crossed my mind because his behaviour is so selfish.

Can you please enlighten me as to what is happening at home for him that he would need to escape from?

He seems to have someone who he doesn't give a stuff about running around after him doing all his chores for him.

You don’t need ‘help’ He needs to parent. Change the language 🙂

LOL, I think we are being visited by some bridge dwellers

0/10 for originality and effect boys.

Sounds like he hates spending time with you.

Exactly, pointless statement from @Luckyingame it is absolutely fine not liking the idea of spending your free time with non-existent kids and pets obviously.

It’s a completely different story if you’ve gone and created children and you own pets!

What on earth does your elderly relatives trying to push for a visit have to do with this at all? Opting out of visiting relatives is in no way the same as opting out of honouring your vows to your spouse or your legal and moral responsibilities to your children.

Ops partner is a husband, father and a pet owner therefore he needs to parent , look after his pets and be a decent partner. It’s very simple.

God, I'd love to do some hill walking and take a breather from the domestic drudge. Sadly, I don't have that opportunity. I can't abandon my kids to fend for themselves!!

Utterly selfish individual and I wouldn't even want dogs in the mix. Poor fuckers, having to fend for themselves.

And then you have a broken arm. Words fail me...

You must be exhausted OP (and don't even have time to work and get your affairs in order?!). What made you take on the whole load?

I'd be checking out. Life is so much better without a useless man in it.

That's how he's treating her. So she needs to reassess her living situation maybe?

Horizontal hillwalking, I bet.

Unacceptable.

Consecutive weekends away? 'With his mates'? Do you know for sure he's with them? This is highly suspicious behaviour. I'd start looking out for signs of an affair tbh.

thanks for everyones advice. Sorry, I'm not a troll! just in pain and gutted that my DH has been such a twat!
Our marriage is usually pretty good so this situation did throw me. Hence why I asked on here.
Heated words were had this morning. Thanks to pp who reminded me to change the language. He is not 'helping' me, he's participating in an equal relationship. Long and short of it is he's apologised for being a thoughtless twat. Sorry. A selfish thoughtless twat. He's promised to step up and be more present in HIS family. Usually he is, I think he just needed a fuckin wake up call!
We both work and it does sometimes take us away from home. But going forwards, weekends will be more family focused.
We've more talking to do but its a start. I did ask if he hated spending time with me. He was horrified I felt that way.
He's not doing horizontal hillwalking though that did make me smile! Literally just wants to do stuff with his friends and 'never thought'.

OP, I've seen this movie. My fucker of a ex brother in law also thougt getting a dog was a good idea to keep my sister busy while he was out cheating. Fast forward 12 years they're divorced now, the dog is still with her.

Well done OP, I am glad you told him what’s what and he has seen the light.

I wasn’t accusing YOU of being a troll: your thread seemed to attract some people who felt that men’s ‘rights’ involve no responsibility for their own children, dogs or stricken life partners!

I'm glad he listened! He did get cross, then thought about it. Then apologised.
Not ideal but hey, its life. None of us are perfect.
Ah, yes I see what you mean. The 'mens rights' comment was definitely bait!

OP is deeply reluctant to accept that a sudden change of behaviour and attitude coupled with demanding to get out and about on his own all the time could very well mean cheating. She won't consider it and she refuses to do any digging. Oh well, here's hoping this is the small percentage of those instances where it quacks like a duck but is actually a Golden Retriever.

And the thing is - best case scenario he is a lazy, selfish piece of shit who 100 percent DID KNOW that he was being a lazy, selfish piece of shit.

Amazing how intelligent capable men suddenly lose 100 IQ points when it comes to seeing anything they don't want to see. Now he's pretending he didn't know he was being a lazy, selfish piece of shit. But he absolutely did.

Delighted to hear it. I'm sure lots of people won't agree with me, but in my experience men are different creatures from us women. They are more selfish and just see themselves and put what they want first. But once they are told and it's made brutally clear it's insensitive and not on, they do get it and change. So I do believe ur husband will step up and I don't think he's having an affair either. I've had to have it out over a few issues with my husband because he's just not thinking about me or where I am when he's making decisions. He's a good man and gets it now. My dad was the same with my mum but she never put her foot down early enough or hard enough and let him away with it.
So what I'm trying to say is good outcome. And I'm happy for u, him and ur kids.

I wouldn't accept this at all

Me and my dh spend every weekend together we prefer each other's company and to be together

A colleagues husband tried to get her pregnant with their second child while he was plotting and planning to run off and start a new family with his girlfriend at work.

She didn’t know what he was planning at the time of course, but thankfully she refused as they were already struggling to juggle work and childcare and childcare already mostly fell on her as he was spending a lot of time “at work”.

8 months later he moved into his girlfriends house that he had been having an affair with for at least a year or so. He messed my friend about with the care of their joint kid which meant she had to call in to request she WFH a few times. but it struck us how it would’ve been far worse had she been pregnant. It was clear he had wanted to keep her stuck and isolated and struggling to move on by leaving her with a small baby.

I don’t know why so many men get extra evil and vindictive when they’ve already blown up the woman’s life by leaving!

I’ve always said it’s usually men who try and trap women with babies not the other way around. Men can’t be trapped by kids as they can and do easily walk away.