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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off?

191 replies

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:17

so. My girlfriends had arranged my first night out after pregnancy and BFing on Saturday, DH said he would be home for 7 to take over (he was out having food). It got to midnight and he still wasn’t back so I just sat there crying as I was so looking forward to it. When he got home at night night the girls were asking me to still come out, so I smartened myself up and went. A comment that he made to me was that if I don’t have any expectations I can never be let down? It’s playing on my mind

OP posts:
Original poster
Shaniah · 29/09/2025 22:03

BigBirdOfPrey · 29/09/2025 22:01

Sorry just read more of the post.
It seems he’s maybe fallen out of love or interested in someone else- Did he agree to have the children too?

It sounds like you’ve lost the nice him OP. I’mso sorry xx

He may have met somebody else I don’t know, it still hurts like hell that he be so cruel

OP posts:
Original poster
Shaniah · 29/09/2025 22:04

BigBirdOfPrey · 29/09/2025 22:01

Sorry just read more of the post.
It seems he’s maybe fallen out of love or interested in someone else- Did he agree to have the children too?

It sounds like you’ve lost the nice him OP. I’mso sorry xx

It wasn’t a unanimous decision, it just kind of happened

OP posts:
Original poster
Shaniah · 29/09/2025 22:46

He has met somebody else, we have had an argument tonight. I can’t even believe this

OP posts:
Robertplantgoddess · 29/09/2025 23:09

I'm so sorry for you. There are many things that will one day seem better but for now be kind to yourself and know it has never been you thats at fault. You are and will always be better than this moment.

Everyonceinawhile · 29/09/2025 23:11

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 22:46

He has met somebody else, we have had an argument tonight. I can’t even believe this

The utter scumbag!!…..so when is he going to move out?

TwistedWonder · 29/09/2025 23:13

He’s a manipulative cunt who did it on purpose

TheatricalLife · 29/09/2025 23:14

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 22:46

He has met somebody else, we have had an argument tonight. I can’t even believe this

I knew it from your very first post. Absolutely all the signs were there -my dad was EXACTLY the same when he cheated on my mum. Text book.
I'm so sorry OP. You deserve so much better. Absolute scum bag ❤️

Lastchoice · 30/09/2025 00:39

I hope you are ok. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Can you speak with your family? Ask for their support with the kids?

Mistyglade · 30/09/2025 01:02

Well I think my initial assessment at 13.01 has summed it up. What an absolute prick. Op I’m so sorry this is happening to you right now.

SomewhatAnnoyed · 30/09/2025 04:22

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:27

I just can’t understand why he doesn’t think he has done anything wrong and asked me why I was upset. Why doesn’t he know what he did?

He does know what he did. He resents you for tying him down. Men like him swap their relationship with partners to teenaged son and mother types once babies arrive and he will be pissed off his life has changed and he has been expected to adapt to family life.

Obviously not your fault, but he is showing clearly he doesn’t love you im afraid and is reverting to selfish prick mode while casting you in nagging mother-mode. Being with similar dickish friends and getting pissed won’t have helped.

thepariscrimefiles · 30/09/2025 05:03

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 12:49

I just don’t understand how the relationship was fine before children? Surely this would have been going on from the beginning if that is who he is?

Show quote history

He thinks that because you have children with him, you are trapped so he can now reveal his true abusive colours. He is not a nice man. Don't hide his behaviour from friends and family. Don't protect him, protect yourself and your children.

Show him that you are not trapped and that you won't put up with this behaviour any longer by contacting Women's Aid for advice and support and speaking to a solicitor.

thepariscrimefiles · 30/09/2025 05:05

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 13:13

He acted really weird the first 6 months after my daughter was born, kicking walls, angry, not coming home. He left when our daughter was 4 weeks old then came back, it has just got progressively worse, we had a brief couple of years where it was ok so I decided to have another baby, after the second baby it has now come to this. There were some odd things pre kids that I just shrug off, mainly involving his family (his mum was extremely protective and accused me of taking him away from her) I didn’t really think much of it as I was only 18 at the time but I think they had quite an odd relationship looking back.

Tell your MIL that she can have him back because you don't want him any more.

Empress13 · 30/09/2025 05:11

LTB end of. What a total selfish prick .

Zanatdy · 30/09/2025 05:36

What an arsehole. Well let this other woman have him, as he sounds like a useless, selfish arse anyway.

MyLimeGuide · 30/09/2025 06:46

What an absolute barstard. He will regret this. Get rid and NEVER take him back. Poor you, time will heal you will get over it eventually xx

Slipperhead · 30/09/2025 09:08

Tell your family the full truth of his abuse.
Abuse thrives in secrecy.
Shine the full light on him.
Tell your GP.
Coercive control is a crime.
Read up on it.
You will be glad that he has left you when you fully wake up to the extent of his abuse and control of you.
Telling people will help.

Original poster
Shaniah · 30/09/2025 13:07

TheatricalLife · 29/09/2025 23:14

I knew it from your very first post. Absolutely all the signs were there -my dad was EXACTLY the same when he cheated on my mum. Text book.
I'm so sorry OP. You deserve so much better. Absolute scum bag ❤️

Show quote history

Really?

OP posts:
TheatricalLife · 30/09/2025 13:47

Shaniah · 30/09/2025 13:07

Really?

Show quote history

Honestly, yes. I was the person who asked you on page two if he hid his phone as well.
My dad was HORRIBLE to my mum when he was cheating. Late coming home, critical, spiteful, didn't give a shit if he let her down anymore or if she was sad or disappointed. Also, quick to point the finger and more controlling. Your post gave me an instant flashback to that time and what my mum told me about how he treated her.
How are you doing today?

Daleksatemyshed · 30/09/2025 14:25

Well sadly that's no surprise @Shaniah . I said he was emotionally immature and didn't like coming second to the DC and this is his solution, not trying to be a better DF but just going out and finding a replacement for you, someone new who'll put him first again. He's a sad excuse for a husband and father Op, he just can't put anyone else's needs before his own. I'm truly sorry he's let you down so badly but at least now you know the truth, there's no going back now

Original poster
Shaniah · 30/09/2025 15:39

TheatricalLife · 30/09/2025 13:47

Honestly, yes. I was the person who asked you on page two if he hid his phone as well.
My dad was HORRIBLE to my mum when he was cheating. Late coming home, critical, spiteful, didn't give a shit if he let her down anymore or if she was sad or disappointed. Also, quick to point the finger and more controlling. Your post gave me an instant flashback to that time and what my mum told me about how he treated her.
How are you doing today?

Show quote history

I’m still trying to take it all in. He said he hasn’t had an affair but has developed feelings for somebody else.

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 30/09/2025 15:40

Shaniah · 30/09/2025 15:39

I’m still trying to take it all in. He said he hasn’t had an affair but has developed feelings for somebody else.

Show quote history

He’s full of shit. It’s already happening.

TheatricalLife · 30/09/2025 15:43

Shaniah · 30/09/2025 15:39

I’m still trying to take it all in. He said he hasn’t had an affair but has developed feelings for somebody else.

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I'm sure you are. I'm so sorry.
I would be very careful about believing anything he tells you from now onwards. He clearly is a manipulative twat. Have you managed to tell anyone in real life who can support you with a decision?
There is a lot of great support and advice on the relationships board here.

Original poster
Shaniah · 30/09/2025 15:44

TheatricalLife · 30/09/2025 15:43

I'm sure you are. I'm so sorry.
I would be very careful about believing anything he tells you from now onwards. He clearly is a manipulative twat. Have you managed to tell anyone in real life who can support you with a decision?
There is a lot of great support and advice on the relationships board here.

Show quote history

I can’t be with him knowing he has feelings for somebody else. I have come to my parents

OP posts:
TheatricalLife · 30/09/2025 15:47

Shaniah · 30/09/2025 15:44

I can’t be with him knowing he has feelings for somebody else. I have come to my parents

Show quote history

That's good, I'm glad you are with your parents.
I totally agree, I couldn't be with him either. Keep focusing on yourself and the baby and lean your loved ones for support.

cordeliavorkosigan · 30/09/2025 15:54

That's good, op .
Someone who loved you would not do what he's done. He doesn't love you.
So sorry you're going through this, but he sounds awful and eventually you will feel better without him. Twat.