To wish I’d known how crap and miserable being a lone parent is?

[RibenaRibena]

It’s completely miserable and lonely and I think people kid themselves saying how great it is! I am lonely, miserable, have no money, getting old and feel old beyond my years, no free time to myself ever, haven’t even had sex in a decade! Facing another birthday and Xmas alone, every weekend the same old. I know people say it isn’t forever but it’s a bloody long time.

OP - I’m sorry to read this.

How old are your children? Over 10 by the sounds of it.

What about friends, do you have any nice friends you can spend time with?

Not trying to belittle your situation but trying to see if there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m a single parent though not a lone parent (edit - as in, I am single but the kids still have a relationship with their father)

Youngest isn’t over 10 I was left in pregnancy

I'm a lone parent too (as in, the children's father has completely disappeared and I'm single). It's extraordinarily difficult. People have absolutely no idea just how hard everything is.

No advice OP or even words of wisdom, I'm afraid. Just solidarity.

I've been a single mum since mine were 8 months old and 2.6 years old. I moved to the area I'm in now fleeing DV & I don't have any family support. It's always just been us 3. Their 8 and 10 now

It was a lot harder when they were younger but I can hand on heart say I really do love it just being us 3. I have several friends in unhappy relationships though, if I didn't have them to remind me how terrible some relationships can be.... I'd probably wish i was in one 🤣🤣

Go in AIBU, you'll soon be glad your single 😅

I voted YABU because you said

think people kid themselves saying how great it is! I am lonely, miserable, have no money, getting old and feel old beyond my years, no free time to myself ever, haven’t even had sex in a decade

Some of us genuinely are happy being on our own with our children. I've had fwb over the years and ended things with my last one because he started talking about wanting a relationship with me.

Sending love. I’m utterly miserable and struggling to see the point in my life at the moment because I agree it’s horrendous (and my children’s dad, while useless, does see them so I’m in an easier situation than you). I don’t have words of advice I’m afraid just wanted you to know you aren’t alone in hating this situation ❤️

It is bloody hard. People who haven't done it, have no idea just how hard it is. But your post reads like you don't have any happiness? What things bring you happiness currently? Perhaps you need some support to improve your outlook or implement some changes?

I’m not a lone parent but the reality of becoming a parent vs it being some ethereal idea made me admire single parents almost from the get go. Honestly I think it must be one of the hardest experiences to go through. I found the early years of being a parent extremely difficult and even lonely and that was with support and downtime. It is extremely difficult doing it alone.

I’m glad you are happy

Nothing

I love it. It's actively enjoyable, while being in an unequal relationship was actively soul-destroying. I love my family, and we have a network of other lone parents too, so we're not alone in our experience.

Thank you glad it isn’t just me at least.

I have never been in your position. I’m glad some are happy being single on this thread but your feelings are very valid.

@RibenaRibena

what would/could you have done differently if you had known YOU'Dfeel
like this (not everyone does)

Well my ex ended it with me but tried to come back a few years ago, I should have given him another chance. Failing that just wouldn’t have had children.

Thank you, I suppose those posters may have family to help out I probably would feel differently if I was still able to maintain a level of freedom and get a break now and again

Really sorry to hear this.

What specifically are you struggling with? What would help?
There are lots of single parents in the same boat. Do you think it might help to find others in a similar situation? I see posts on Facebook asking about get togethers and ours has a co ordination page for toys and clothes which has loads of volunteer’s helping lots of women.

Honestly, you sound depressed. Have you considered that? If you are, getting treatment might help things feel less hopeless, and help create the drive to put more things for you into your life. It sounds like you need something that is "for you" rather than "for your children".

Even with a partner, parenting can feel like an unrelenting slog. I have no idea how anyone manages to do it along, and find it very hard when I do have to do it solo.

However, there are things you could do to make every weekend feel a little less groundhog day, and to make a plan for your birthday or Christmas that doesn't mean you feel so lonely. Not being able to see that option is what makes me think you're ground down to the extent its an illness.

If you've managed 10 years, you've done the hard bit already.

No actually it was much better when they were younger despite what people say I found the younger years easier, yeah we will go out to dinner on my birthday but it will be somewhere kid friendly meanwhile people I know go on holiday for their birthdays or weekends away spa breaks etc

I think you might be quite badly off mental health wise, OP, and could benefit from talking to a professional? I'm lone and it's quite hard sometimes but I really don't recognise the idea of nothing bringing you happiness (and it's not family support making the difference for me, they're across the sea - I have worked hard on friendships though).

I know from experience that it is hard being a mum of primary aged children when in a sound relationship but away from social and family networks due to relocation.

So it must be incredibly hard when you have neither the social or familial support, nor a supportive spouse, nor the financial support of a second earner in the household.

I feel for you.

Do try to connect / reconnect with friends, read, and minimise social media use to protect your mental health. Try to be active in your downtime even if it seems that you don't have the energy.

And remember, it will get better. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m not depressed but thanks

If you've managed 10 years, you've done the hard bit already

Depends, surely? For all we know her child(ren) may have additional needs or may be struggling above and beyond. I agree broadly speaking it gets easier but this isn’t a given for everybody.

Thank you, no it isn’t easier.

Hey I'm m in your boat too. In my 12th year now and so damn tough. Your feeling miserable because your in a miserable situation, no one knows how hard it is unless they have been in your shoes. Just keep going, sounds like you are doing amazing in very trying circumstances.

I can just about imagine how hard it is, it must be unrelenting.

You can't change the past, what do you think you can do? Are you OK? Are you actually coping?