To wish I’d known how crap and miserable being a lone parent is?

[RibenaRibena]

It’s completely miserable and lonely and I think people kid themselves saying how great it is! I am lonely, miserable, have no money, getting old and feel old beyond my years, no free time to myself ever, haven’t even had sex in a decade! Facing another birthday and Xmas alone, every weekend the same old. I know people say it isn’t forever but it’s a bloody long time.

I completely agree. But the first step is to see what help is available.

Does the father pay maintenance or ever see them?,

No to both.

Some of us genuinely are happy being on our own with our children. I've had fwb over the years and ended things with my last one because he started talking about wanting a relationship with me.

Absolutely.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way OP, but it's not universal. I'm widowed, I never made the choice to parent alone but this is how it is and I'll be damned if I waste my life being unhappy. Is there nothing you enjoy in life at all?

Sleeping

A symptom of depression.

Seriously, go to your GP.

It's hard, but comparing what others are doing for their birthdays etc is going to make you feel down. The majority of what people portray is fake- just because they went to a spa doesn't mean they had a good time.
Also waiting for life to improve when your children have left home isn't the answer, you won't be able to immediately have the perfect life then.
I have found antidepressants useful when my situation has got me very down. Please consider them as they might just give you the foot up to start making things become or at least seem more positive.

@RibenaRibena my bestie is a single parent. Dad lives in another country and never even acknowledged their child.

Her life is tough but fulfilling.

Life is what you make of it. Perhaps join in with your local community a but more, make some friends.

Life is what you make of it.

Was going to say the same thing.

This honestly sounds like depression.

Or exhaustion

Maybe. But constant tiredness is also a symptom of depression.

Ahh I feel the same but as Einstein says ‘insanity is doing the same thing and expecting changes’ or something similar!

i am a single parent and I agree with everything you say, but you gotta make changes! Eat better, get active, do things that make you feel happier! Download a dating app even if just to have a window shop! Go for walks on beautiful locations… don’t just fester! Write down a list of five things you want to do before Christmas and do it! Single parenting is bloody hard but we are some of the strongest people on the planet 🥰

You are constantly tired, just want to sleep, find no joy in anything.

Yes, being a single parent is tough. But for most of us single parents we find happiness in some things and that life is worthwhile. We don't necessarily want a partner, because that is another relationship that takes time and energy away from us and our children.

You sound exhausted and depressed. Please look into support for your mental health

I'm another one for love it. It's been the 3 of us for 7 years now and we're a really happy little band. I can't imagine sharing my home or my kids again!

I can understand why it's hard - it can be that's for sure! - but I hope it gets better for you and you see the benefits and freedoms too.

Being completely on your own like this - no maintenance or contact from the father - is unimaginably difficult. It sounds like you have no family support either. The only people who have any idea how this feels are those who have lived precisely that. It's completely different from a single parent whose ex still contributes financially or has the children, even if just occasionally. Day in, day out, just you, earning all the money, doing every single thing - there are no words to express how much this grinds you down.

The fact that "society" allows this speaks volumes. Nobody has the first fucking clue and those that do (who live it) are too ground down to do anything about it.

I hear you.

It is. It’s why I got married… I didn’t want to do it alone anymore.

What age are you

@RibenaRibena If you like sleeping, my first suggestion would be to make your bedroom a proper little haven for yourself. I fucking love my bed. I rent, so it’s harder to do, but when I get into bed at the end of the day I enjoy being in there. Sleep hygiene is also excellent for alleviating low mood, so make it a priority.

Obviously money and time would be the real MVPs but in lieu of those, try to do something small for yourself.

Thank you yes it’s completely different, I know single parents that have family support, ex involved, 50/50 contact, financial support. Very different circumstances.

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Situational depression is usually short term, of op has been feeling this way for nearly a decade then it is probably time to seek help rather than go on feeling miserable. If op has generally only felt this way in recent months then it may well only be a passing phase. I still think, based on how down she sounds, it would be better to look into options that might improve her situation.

For example, a lady I knew a year or two ago with very demanding twins was able to get respite type childcare organised through the local family hub team. If one of the main things that would make a difference to the ops wellbeing is having regular breaks then it might be worth looking into.

It could be, but it may be a combination of a few things, lack of sleep, not eating well, not being active, not drinking enough water…..I wouldn’t assume a pill can resolve it, it may just be lifestyle

Yes, and i hope a decent GP would explore that. Also what support could be offered to a lone parent.

But I wouldn't knock a pill either, if it helps the OP find enough energy and happiness to get through the day in a better state than they are in.

Hi, I just want to let you know the grass isn’t greener re: birthdays. Some people are bloomin awful when it comes to treating their partners for birthday or otherwise. In my case, I got a book purchased earlier that day for my 40th birthday. I booked myself a trip away for my 41st.

I hear what you’re saying about lone parenting being a hard time. I watch my mum go through it and I know it’s hard. But I want you to know it’s not always better to have a partner, and you’re better off than many. I know your kids are young and getting out is hard, but do your best to join a group. Anything to connect. Friends are often better.

You are still young, look after your health and looks and you can still have a life in a few years when they are older, I would aim for that and start getting my ducks in a row, it will give you something to look forward.

If you don’t look after yourself your confidence will be shattered in a few years time and you will find it more difficult to get back out there

Fo you have any single mum friends in real life that ye can do free babysitting on occasion for, even if that means you just going out for coffee and lunch on your own ?