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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My children have ruined my birthday.

465 replies

Fluffalumpper · 26/09/2025 20:53

It’s my birthday today. I’m 43 so they obviously don’t mean much to me anymore. I hadn’t really given it much thought, I hadn’t asked for anything (I never do) and didn’t expect anything special because we never really celebrate it.

My partner bought me a couple of nice gifts and the children (DD10 and Dd8) were excited. Nothing had been planned and we had nothing in for dinner but had floated ideas of having a drink in the pub after work and picking up something nice for dinner.

We were just about to go to the pub when cue my lovely children starting a huge screaming fight involving slapping each other, slamming doors and hurling abuse.

They’re both bright, happy kids and usually fairly well behaved with the odd hiccup but have recently started having these screaming matches when told to do something (like get ready to go out).

Now, like most parents I imagine, my whole life is focused on these kids. I’m constantly looking for experiences to enrich their lives, all my money goes in to them. I’m the bread winner so I book, plan and pay for all the holidays, birthday parties,clubs, gifts etc. Not that we spoil them but the long hours I work and worries I have are for these kids.

Is it too much to ask that they don’t behave like this on my birthday? I’m pretty sure that at 8 I was self aware enough to know this isn’t right.

We cancelled the trip to the pub, they were sent to their rooms except for a short break for a quick dinner and then sent to bed. The screaming and wailing and even shouts of “this is my worst day ever!” lasted over 2 hours. They feel so sorry for themselves and had to be told off multiple times by my partner.

I’ve had nothing for dinner and have taken myself to bed.

I don’t need advice about my parenting- they’re usually pretty well behaved and their behaviour tonight was exceptionally bad, but am I right to feel a bit sorry for myself and unappreciated?

For context they acted similarly on Mother’s Day 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Fluffalumpper · 28/09/2025 15:56

MasterBeth · 28/09/2025 13:11

I would suggest it's not normal to not eat because your junior school age children have been naughty.

Also, I don't know why the partner had to tell the girls off, without support from Mum.

Who said I didn’t tell them off as well?? 🙄 Very judgy comments based on a completely made up scenario.

OP posts:
Fluffalumpper · 28/09/2025 16:00

JJMama · 28/09/2025 15:08

Who said about explaining everything?! I’ve assumed she is being a martyr, you’ve assumed she wasn’t hungry due to upset and went to bed. We don’t actually know!

Exactly, you’ve assumed quite a lot there. Why do you feel you’re so intimate with my appetite that you are confident enough to say with absolute certainty that I didn’t lose it? What a weird statement to make.

OP posts:
SunnySideDeepDown · 28/09/2025 16:02

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 26/09/2025 20:55

Can you admit they are over indulged and behaved bratty about an event that wasn't Them Based?

Excuse me? Why are you so rude? OPs children are children, they all play up at times.

Happy birthday OP - onwards and upwards, hopefully you’ll have lots of birthdays to come.

Fluffalumpper · 28/09/2025 16:08

@SandrenaIsMyBloodType yes, I have had an apology, thanks. They both apologised the next day and whilst DP took them out to give me a break they chose to (before anyone accuses me again of Dickensian style parenting!) buy me a small gift and a card with a written apology.
I also received (again not through fear or coercion 🙄) breakfast in bed this morning and they chose to make lunch for us all today. They have both made an effort this weekend.

OP posts:
GagMeWithASpoon · 28/09/2025 17:38

Fluffalumpper · 28/09/2025 16:08

@SandrenaIsMyBloodType yes, I have had an apology, thanks. They both apologised the next day and whilst DP took them out to give me a break they chose to (before anyone accuses me again of Dickensian style parenting!) buy me a small gift and a card with a written apology.
I also received (again not through fear or coercion 🙄) breakfast in bed this morning and they chose to make lunch for us all today. They have both made an effort this weekend.

So they really are good kids , who had a bad day. It just made it much worse because it was your birthday, and you were tired and fed up and looking forward to it. It happened, you dealt with it (appropriately in my eyes) , and now the girls might think twice next time. Also they’ve learned that shit happens, mistakes are made it’s how you come back from them that matters , they’re trying and they’re appropriately contrite . I know you could’ve done without all the drama and fuss (and slight hurt), but all in all it’s a good result.

Rainbowdays123 · 28/09/2025 17:43

Don’t understand why you didn’t send them off to bed in disgrace, crack open a bottle of fizz and order the fanciest of the Deliveroo options! That’s what I would’ve done

TillyButtonGrundy · 28/09/2025 20:27

JJMama · 28/09/2025 13:36

Right. Weird martyr behaviour. Why?

Or she was just really fed up and didn’t fancy it after that? I know that’s probably not as fun for you as sticking the boot in, though.

Hillarious · 28/09/2025 22:05

It’s a shame the girls’ punishment impacted others in the way it did.

StaringAtTheWater · 28/09/2025 22:40

warmapplepies · 27/09/2025 13:34

I'm honestly really surprised by answers like this.

They are 8 and 10 years old. One of them is almost secondary aged. Of course they can cope with a family meal/trip out after school on a Friday night without throwing a tantrum, hitting each other and smashing things.

OP should be able to go out for a meal with her family on her birthday, not have to resort to cooking some mail delivery dinner in front of the TV.

One of them is nearly secondary age... the other is not! My 8 year old goes to bed at 7.30pm and is asleep 5 mins after, so I can assure you that some 8 year olds do get pretty tired still, especially after a full week of school.

Of course an 8 and 10 year old should be able to "cope" with an evening out without tantruming - but there is a world of difference between "coping" and what is actually enjoyable for all involved! In this situation I would have definitely opted for a babysitter and gone out just with my partner (but a takeaway / meal kit would have been a reasonable plan B if we couldn't get a babysitter)

warmapplepies · 29/09/2025 10:57

StaringAtTheWater · 28/09/2025 22:40

One of them is nearly secondary age... the other is not! My 8 year old goes to bed at 7.30pm and is asleep 5 mins after, so I can assure you that some 8 year olds do get pretty tired still, especially after a full week of school.

Of course an 8 and 10 year old should be able to "cope" with an evening out without tantruming - but there is a world of difference between "coping" and what is actually enjoyable for all involved! In this situation I would have definitely opted for a babysitter and gone out just with my partner (but a takeaway / meal kit would have been a reasonable plan B if we couldn't get a babysitter)

I know 8yo’s in sports and activities until 9pm - a 7.30 bedtime is not the norm (well, not around here anyway).

Tummyrum · 29/09/2025 14:15

Kids lobbing glass vases, screaming, shouting, wailing.

A partner who kicks back with some toast and TV whilst his very upset partner whose birthday it is just curls up in bed.

Next year Op…,meal out with friends!

Cherrytree86 · 29/09/2025 15:29

Tummyrum · 29/09/2025 14:15

Kids lobbing glass vases, screaming, shouting, wailing.

A partner who kicks back with some toast and TV whilst his very upset partner whose birthday it is just curls up in bed.

Next year Op…,meal out with friends!

yep! How about a bottomless brunch, OP?! @Fluffalumpper

Dearnurse · 29/09/2025 15:50

I'd be mortified if my children acted like that at any point let alone in public & on my birthday... you should talk to them about their behaviour & give them a punishment... you should go have lunch with a freind & treat yourself to something nice x happy birthday x

Halfaday · 29/09/2025 18:57

Dearnurse · 29/09/2025 15:50

I'd be mortified if my children acted like that at any point let alone in public & on my birthday... you should talk to them about their behaviour & give them a punishment... you should go have lunch with a freind & treat yourself to something nice x happy birthday x

Mortified and seriously concerned. Throwing glass vases indicates something is amiss

Rosscameasdoody · 06/10/2025 08:03

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 26/09/2025 20:55

Can you admit they are over indulged and behaved bratty about an event that wasn't Them Based?

First post nails it.

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