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Original poster

Why why why are they like this!!!

330 replies

Hellofrances · 26/09/2025 09:37

My boyfriend stayed overnight at my house for the first time on Wednesday.

We both had yesterday off so had a lazy morning watching tv in bed.

He broke wind really loud and grabbed my head and forced it under the covers, I couldn’t move from under them for about 10 seconds.

He thought it was hilarious, I told him I’m a 37 year old woman and don’t appreciate that.

I think it’s the fact we’d not long been intimate and he was being really jokey.

I told one of my friends who found it amusing and said it’s a sign he’s comfortable around me which is good, but I don’t agree!

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 26/09/2025 13:45

Ditch him

You're 37 ffs do you need this shit

tothelefttotheleft · 26/09/2025 13:46

Here4the · 26/09/2025 10:41

Are you all for real? Some people think that sort of thing is funny, some don't. Just say you really didn't like it and ask him not to do it again then work together to find something you can both laugh about.

What an odd response to someone who was physically forced to do something they didn't want to do.

Bleachedjeans · 26/09/2025 13:51

Absolutely fucking gross. Juvenile. And you’re still supposed to find him sexually attractive after that? Men like this are never good news. Get rid of him. Tell him why. Don’t listen to any excuses.

wfhwfh · 26/09/2025 13:53

I think he’s TOO comfortable with you - and that’s not attractive when it’s such a new relationship. He’s making no effort to appeal to you, being controlling and hugely inconsiderate.

I think you’ll naturally find you’re no longer as attracted to him after this behaviour. If so - don’t force it; it’s your instinct telling you he’s crossed a boundary.

Personally, I’d give yourself some space for a few days and see how you feel. If you want to continue things, I’d give him the chance and say to him you didn’t like his behaviour and see how he reacts. His reaction will tell you if there’s any hope or not.

However, if you feel you’d rather leave it (and I’d be firmly in this camp), then I wouldn’t feel you’d rather leave need to explain anything to him. It’s early days - just say it’s not working for you and walk away.

SamphiretheTervosaur · 26/09/2025 13:54

No!

That's would be it for me. Done and dusted.Gone!

ChampagneLassie · 26/09/2025 14:03

That would be game over for me. My ex-husband used to do this, but not till the spark had gone out of our sexlife. So weird someone does this first time. I wouldn’t see him again.

VictoriaEra · 26/09/2025 14:04

Completely unacceptable. I would not be able to find him attractive again.

SamPoodle123 · 26/09/2025 14:08

BankfieldForever · 26/09/2025 13:21

My sister’s husband started their relationship doing stuff like this. Then he moved on to calling her fat in front of company, forcing her into ‘play fighting’ and bringing her ‘presents’ like a dead mouse in a sandwich bag when she was pregnant, with the constant refrain ‘it’s a JOKE, I’m JOKING’.

And that was just the stuff her Mum and sisters knew about.

She stayed with him and he sexually abused their young daughter. My sister blamed her and chose him over her child.

I know that they’re still together in their 70’s although I went NC with my sister because of him forty years ago.

Show quote history

How sad, those are definitely not jokes! I can’t believe your sister stayed.

OP leave now. Much easier done early with the first bad sign!

samarrange · 26/09/2025 14:09

Stupid stuff like this is part of banter culture (innit). the deal. From his point of view he is actually being positive — he's treating you like one of the lads. Wah-hey!

You have a choice — tell him you like him but you're not up for the bantz and would he please drop it, or you drop him. That said, while at 20 he might not realise what the problem is, by 37 he ought to have more of a clue...

MO0N · 26/09/2025 14:14

A lot will depend on his response to your displeasure, but bear in mind your relationship is in it's early days so this is him on his best behavior 👩🏼‍🚀

Everyonceinawhile · 26/09/2025 14:15

Hellofrances · 26/09/2025 09:37

My boyfriend stayed overnight at my house for the first time on Wednesday.

We both had yesterday off so had a lazy morning watching tv in bed.

He broke wind really loud and grabbed my head and forced it under the covers, I couldn’t move from under them for about 10 seconds.

He thought it was hilarious, I told him I’m a 37 year old woman and don’t appreciate that.

I think it’s the fact we’d not long been intimate and he was being really jokey.

I told one of my friends who found it amusing and said it’s a sign he’s comfortable around me which is good, but I don’t agree!

I would find that a turn off…..he’s treating you like one of the lads, not like a lady……he sounds a bit uncouth so expect more of this behaviour

Pepperedpickles · 26/09/2025 14:17

Absolutely vile. Get rid.

Imanautumn · 26/09/2025 14:17

He physically over powered you and thought it was amusing. That’s very wrong.

MikeRafone · 26/09/2025 14:30

TBH if it was me it would be the biggest turn off ever, id have to walk away and would tell him why. Id seriously not be able to have sex with this on my mind, make me want to wretch...

Bleachedjeans · 26/09/2025 14:38

tothelefttotheleft · 26/09/2025 13:46

What an odd response to someone who was physically forced to do something they didn't want to do.

Show quote history

Yes a very odd response. Who would actually say “I love it when someone does a long smelly fart then forces me to smell it at close quarters”
Yes, some people do find it funny but only when its being done to someone else.

dancingbymyself · 26/09/2025 14:39

They’re not like this. Not at all. You have just met a particularly horrible man.

ScreenTym · 26/09/2025 14:40

I would find this unbelievably unattractive and never ever ever see him again. That’s without the potentially abusive nature of what he did.

WallaceinAnderland · 26/09/2025 14:46

You're going to allow him to continue to physically force you to do things you don't want to aren't you OP. That's why some men are like this.

Dutchesss · 26/09/2025 14:47

Hellofrances · 26/09/2025 10:14

Thanks all, this is the first red flag and out of the blue. I need to think about what to do now.

LTB
Life is too short to wait for more red flags. You need to value yourself more than this.

hadjustaboutenough · 26/09/2025 14:50

They're not all like that (thank goodness). This one's just weird. I wouldn't appreciate the juvenile humour, but I'd be more troubled that he's trying to physically control you, even if only for 10 seconds as part of his hilarious 'joke'. Something like a tickle or playful bear hug might be okay under the right circumstances, but even that should stop very quickly if you're clearly not enjoying it and telling him so. For this, however, I would have zero patience. What a charmer!

BigYellowBird · 26/09/2025 14:50

He’s testing your boundaries.
No one should be physically forcing anything ever in a relationship let alone early on when you don’t really know each other.
He’s making out it’s a gross joke but to me it’s more sinister. Nice guys would not do this!
I was held down and orally raped as a teen so perhaps my bar is impossibly high but I would have thrown him out there and then.
Why haven’t you dumped him yet?

Hotflushesandchilblains · 26/09/2025 15:06

I would never speak to him again. Someone who is presumably similar to you in age who thinks this is funny is not someone I would want to be around. Past the age of about 10 its inexcusable to do shit like this.

BrickBiscuit · 26/09/2025 15:06

Hellofrances · 26/09/2025 09:37

My boyfriend stayed overnight at my house for the first time on Wednesday.

We both had yesterday off so had a lazy morning watching tv in bed.

He broke wind really loud and grabbed my head and forced it under the covers, I couldn’t move from under them for about 10 seconds.

He thought it was hilarious, I told him I’m a 37 year old woman and don’t appreciate that.

I think it’s the fact we’d not long been intimate and he was being really jokey.

I told one of my friends who found it amusing and said it’s a sign he’s comfortable around me which is good, but I don’t agree!

Exchange of bodily fluids (or in this case odours) in the context of a sexual relationship requires an appropriately high standard of consent. This done in bed without consent is, I believe, a sexual assault. With physical coercion it is aggravated. I think he has committed an offence in law. I would be interested to hear from others with expertise how they view this. In any case, the behaviour is unacceptable. He does not merit any second chances.

Gloriia · 26/09/2025 15:07

Just pathetic isn't it. Not funny just ridiculous for a grown man to behave like that. I wouldn't be bothering with him again.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/09/2025 15:09

"He broke wind really loud and grabbed my head and forced it under the covers, I couldn’t move from under them for about 10 seconds."

Yes, that is a dealbreaker for me. Not the farting, but the forcing and restraining.

He "stayed overnight at my house for the first time on Wednesday" - suggests to me that this is a fairly new relationship? In which case, as other have suggested, he's pushing your boundaries to see just how much shitty behaviour you will put up with.

At best he's childish - not attractive to most women.
At worst he's abusive - run for the hills.

I'd be throwing this one back.

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