My friend can't win, but don't know if he should

[Witchywishy]

Not my situation, was out for dinner last night and we were talking about a mutual friend. His girlfriend is pregnant, he wasn't sure initially if he wanted her to keep it, but she was adamant and now he is onboard and happy with the outcome.

But he is disappointed she is insisting the baby has her name. She said that because they aren't married the baby will have her name- he has asked to double barrel as a compromise and she has said she doesn't need to compromise and that's that. Apparently he's now proposed, and she's said that she would have married him pre-pregnancy but now he's only doing it for the sake of the name.

Part of me has admiration for her sticking to her guns. But part of me feels sorry for my friend. The men in the group are all pretty horrified. Apart from it not really being our business what does the hive mind think on her stance?

I think good for her.

Good for her
he Was unsure, they aren’t married so she’s being very sensible

I don't understand the marriage link, she may also choose not to take his name.

I don’t think he should marry her
Wait at least a couple of years to see how things pan out and for goodness sake make sure number two doesn’t happen in the meantime

Good for her. I actually heard someone say once “well if she won’t give the baby my name then I will just dangle the marriage card”. Really put me off him

Good for her. He sounds manipulative tbh. Sounds as though she has the measure of him and is setting out to protect her and the baby. Anyway, who says she or the baby would want to have his name if they were married?! I don't have my DH's surname (nor he mine) and our children have double barrelled surnames. My DH wasn't a big baby over names, mind.

So her dad's name or father of child's name ? i'd go for the latter

Good for her!

She is right.

I think she's sensibe and realistic - why should the baby have his name? She is FAR more likely to be in this baby's life in 10 years time than he is.

There are way more stories of mums who have given their babies their partner's name and barely seen them since than there are of people regretting giving their baby their own name... 🤷

So many drip drip threads suddenly advocating for men, against the rights of women, over previously accepted issues. I wonder why?

Sensible woman. Sounds as if she's more likely than not to be 'left holding the baby' (pardon the pun), so I'd absolutely do the same.

I think she's showing a lot of sense. Doesn't seem like he's committed to the relationship.

Why are the men in your group horrified? Is it because they think he is BU to propose simply because he thinks it will give him a say over the name? Or are they all misogynist twats who believe that a father has the right to assert his surname?

He's an impulsive maniac tbf

They shouldn't be married and his train for proposing was shit and I wouldn't be rushing to marry someone who seems to change their mind so much over big issues.
Similarly he probably shouldn't be rushing to marry someone who's attitude is "if I don't have to compromise, I won't."

Both better off as they are.

No.. her name! Yes it came from her dad (or mum) but she has had that name her whole life so it’s her name

By that logic it's either her dad's name or his dad's name - why do only men get their own names in your scenario?

Given to her by the mother choosing the father's name.

Or this choice is his dads name or the mother of his child's? Men inheritance their surname through their fathers and it doesn't make it any less theirs.

She's made comments before about being happy to change her name, her surname is quite long and she's made the odd joke about wanting to change it. So I think the general consensus in the group was that if he'd asked her she'd be happy to take his name. We've all known she's wanted to get married for a while, but isn't happy that she thinks the proposal is just related to the baby and the naming situation.

‘Given to her’ so it’s her name

Good for her.

She's likely to be left holding the baby (metaphorically as well as financially, even if they stay married) so should be offered the additional security of marriage.

She could still not give baby his name though...

Not sure what you're reading? We were just chatting about this in the pub yesterday and I still don't know what I think....

So he had unprotected sex.
Didn't initially want the baby
Now thinks baby should have his last name
Then purposes to try and make it happen

Sounds like the GF knows what's going on and the man think she be stupid.

If he'd bagged it he wouldn't be having this issue. To many men put the the pressure on the woman for birth control when they can actively do something as well

She shouldn't marry a man who wanted her to terminate their pregnancy. It would take a lot for me to get past that point.