My friend can't win, but don't know if he should

[Witchywishy]

Not my situation, was out for dinner last night and we were talking about a mutual friend. His girlfriend is pregnant, he wasn't sure initially if he wanted her to keep it, but she was adamant and now he is onboard and happy with the outcome.

But he is disappointed she is insisting the baby has her name. She said that because they aren't married the baby will have her name- he has asked to double barrel as a compromise and she has said she doesn't need to compromise and that's that. Apparently he's now proposed, and she's said that she would have married him pre-pregnancy but now he's only doing it for the sake of the name.

Part of me has admiration for her sticking to her guns. But part of me feels sorry for my friend. The men in the group are all pretty horrified. Apart from it not really being our business what does the hive mind think on her stance?

Why when is the mother’s surname is “her” father’s surname however when you say the father is his surname and not his father’s surname but his surname?

No, HER name or her child’s father’s name.

It became hers the day she was born.

Another saying good for her. I didn't know how to vote, so I didn't

She's making the right decision. He did only propose to her so the baby could have his name, didn't he? So she isn't wrong either.

Not sure how the voting works here but she is NBU imo.

He could maybe suggest the baby has his surname as a middle name if she doesn't want to double barrel. He'd also need to be accepting of her telling him no though!

I think that here in Germany if you're not married the baby automatically gets the mothers surname name unless jointly agreed.

I think double barrelled surnames (as in combining two) only became a thing this year as well!

It’s really not how the world works. Trust me people in Spain and South America are horrified that kids take on fathers name in the UK. My Spanish friends are convinced we in the UK live in a backwards, chauvinistic world.

Or you could also say her dad’s name over her boyfriend’s dad’s name.

Well quite

Your friend is a sexist arse who's only dangled the offer of marriage because he wants to put a public stamp of ownership on the baby. His girlfriend is right to refuse both.

The rest of the friend group also seem to be sexist arses.

I mean after 40 years surely it’s just her name. It’s 2025 not the 1800’s

Why are they so surprised? It's standard that if unmarried the child gets their mother's surname.

And he didn't even want the child but now it's super important they have his surname?

Good for her.

Our child is double barrelled and it doesn't bother me in the slightest way at all that my surname isn't exactly the same as my child's.

No HER name or the father of the child's name

Names don’t matter. I kept my name. And yes my dad gave it to me but he’d changed his name from his dads surname to his mothers….so there🤩 my children have their dads name. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest. When I was proposed to the first thing I said was I’m keeping my surname. Then yes! 🤣

He’d be foolish to marry her just for the sake of a name. She’s foolish to get pregnant before she married a man.

What happens when they get together with a fellow double barrelled?

Indeed. It’s like some dimwit tradwife invasion.

The children take one name from each parent, just like happens in the whole Spanish speaking world.

I think a lot of people misunderstand baby naming traditions.

The tradition (yes, the tradition) is that the baby takes the MOTHER'S surname.

Relatedly, the tradition for women was to a) get married, and b) take their husband's surname on marriage.

Hence why most babies born had the father's surname - because it was also the mother's surname.

As time has passed and marriages between parents have become less common, this has become misunderstood into a situation where the assumption is that the baby takes the father's name regardless.

Sounds like she has her head well screwed on.

Don't you mean if? It's still much more the norm for a child to just have one last name, usually their fathers name.

If that happens then they will make a decision, just like any adult has to do about their name if they get married anyway so nothing different really.

He is sharing all the details with you all?

Needs to grow up.

Good for her for standing her ground.

Good for her and typical bloody man. This is a hill they all die on - giving women and children their surnames

You mean her dad’s name or his dad’s name. What’s the difference?