Partner angry I’ve changed our plans to support my friend

[Tootiredtosugarcoat]

My partner and I have some rare time to ourselves this weekend. My DS1 is with his dad for the weekend which is a rare occurrence. Grandparents will watch DS2 on Friday night and we will go out to dinner and have some drinks. On Saturday night he said he’d cook and we could chill once baby was asleep.
My close friend is about to start a course of chemotherapy and of course our whole friendship group has rallied round her. She has asked if we would all like to go for drinks on Saturday night before she starts treatment and is potentially unwell for months. I feel I should go as she is my best friend, has been since we were kids, and has always been there for me through everything.
My partner has lost his head 🤯 refused to speak to me all night last night and then this morning has told me I obviously don’t care about my family, that he’s not a priority, that he’s cancelled our meal on Friday night because if I don’t want to be with him on Saturday night then I can’t be with him on Friday night. He’s told me I have to go on Saturday now because I’m not allowed to stay in with him. So I can’t even offer not to go now. Is it really that bad to want to spend time supporting my friend?
Just for further info, 2 weeks ago he was out all day Saturday and Sunday drinking with his friends, was out on Monday night with his friends, is out tomorrow night with them and will be out on Sunday with them too. A fairly standard month for him. I haven’t been with my whole friendship group since January. It just feels a bit unfair. However, I have dismissed plans with him to make plans with my friends. AIBU to be annoyed at him?

I feel sorry for you. You are not free to behave as you otherwise would to support your friend.

This isn’t how it works if you split.

You’d either have to sell the house and split it 50/50 or he’d have to buy you out.

He also wouldn’t be able to “keep” the baby because he earns more. That’s not how custody of children works.

You will also be able to claim support from him based on his income for your children.

If I were you I’d contact some solicitors and take advantage of the free legal advice.

Exactly this. If things are geverally not good, don’t stay stuck. This will impact your mental health and impact your kids in ways that may not be obvious. You don’t lose anything by looking into options. You don’t need to make any decisions now. Here’s a link with some info as a starting point. Maybe everything will be fine. Maybe in five years you’ll have had enough. But just be aware about possible options. Good luck.
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/

This.

He's completely out of order.

He sounds like an arsehole. Yuk.

OP, please don’t think you’re trapped there because you aren’t. Yes, you might have to claim benefits for a while and no, you probably won’t have as nice a house.

If you don’t want to get a solicitor involved, speak to Women’s Aid. They know this situation inside out and back to front and will be able to help you.

Sounds like a bit of coercive control going on.
Talk to Women's aid and see what they say.
This is not a good man.
Take your time and plan.
Tell family and friends the truth, so you have support.
No need to make any sudden changes.

Dump him

So basically, you’d arranged some “rare time” together - your words not mine - and then blown him out with no discussion. And you’re wondering why he’s throwing his toys out the pram? You obviously care more about your friends than your relationship.

He should dump you on the spot, it'll only get worse for the poor guy.

Firstly this man has no empathy. Secondly he cannot tell you what to do, or if you are allied to be in or out. Thirdly he has cut of his own nose to spite his face by cancelling Friday night. I’d cancel him tbh.and j don’t usually say that easily.

What was Friday night? Chopped liver?

ODFOD. He goes out all the time why does OP not deserve a night out since January?

@GiveDogBone are you the husband?

I’d like to see how he would cope with parenting and all his nights out if you share custody

Time to say goodbye

He is the AH. Unless there’s some back story and this is a needy, unreasonable friend who always calls on you and is always prioritised, just chuck him. He sounds vile.

Oh fuck off!! Haven’t you read, Ops friend has cancer. She’s starting chemo shortly.

If you bothered to read the post properly you’d see our main plans are a date night on Friday night which I still very much intended to keep and I blew out dinner and tv to support a friend about to go through chemo. Special circumstances to most people. That in no way means I care about my friends more, that is simply not true. But obviously you’ll know better than me who and what I care about

@GiveDogBone maybe the DH could give up some his social time so they could have some time together. Maybe time together is so rare as he is always out

You haven't done anything wrong. You're trying to support your friend and appease your partner.

Slightly different take to the majority but alcohol is a known carcinogen and I don't think anyone should be encouraging her to drink it if she has cancer already.

Oh come off it.

She isn’t ditching him, they have plans for the Friday night and her friend has bloody cancer.

Hardly calls for her to be dumped.

@GiveDogBone are you the OP’s man child?

This. Quite emotionally manipulative behaviour. Yes, he can be disappointed that your plans for quality time together didn't work out but being childish and manipulative like this and making you feel guilty for being a good friend...? Major red flag. I would be rethinking this relationship.

Well hello, OP’s partner.

This poster is clearly a troll and not worth taking notice of, op.