Partner angry I’ve changed our plans to support my friend

[Tootiredtosugarcoat]

My partner and I have some rare time to ourselves this weekend. My DS1 is with his dad for the weekend which is a rare occurrence. Grandparents will watch DS2 on Friday night and we will go out to dinner and have some drinks. On Saturday night he said he’d cook and we could chill once baby was asleep.
My close friend is about to start a course of chemotherapy and of course our whole friendship group has rallied round her. She has asked if we would all like to go for drinks on Saturday night before she starts treatment and is potentially unwell for months. I feel I should go as she is my best friend, has been since we were kids, and has always been there for me through everything.
My partner has lost his head 🤯 refused to speak to me all night last night and then this morning has told me I obviously don’t care about my family, that he’s not a priority, that he’s cancelled our meal on Friday night because if I don’t want to be with him on Saturday night then I can’t be with him on Friday night. He’s told me I have to go on Saturday now because I’m not allowed to stay in with him. So I can’t even offer not to go now. Is it really that bad to want to spend time supporting my friend?
Just for further info, 2 weeks ago he was out all day Saturday and Sunday drinking with his friends, was out on Monday night with his friends, is out tomorrow night with them and will be out on Sunday with them too. A fairly standard month for him. I haven’t been with my whole friendship group since January. It just feels a bit unfair. However, I have dismissed plans with him to make plans with my friends. AIBU to be annoyed at him?

He sounds like a controlling narcissistic prick tbh.

Congrats, you win the award for the biggest amount of (misogynistic) bollocks on this thread. And that’s saying something because there’s been some utter shit written already.

Very apt username btw.

Thank you

Yet another who believes that only our husbands have any obligation to be decent and reasonable people.

Oh no, we can behave as we like, change our minds and decisions as we feel, because our feelings are what count aren’t they..

If we held ourselves to the same standards that we demand our husbands adhere to this would be so different.

Reverse the genders and how does the OP sound then.

You’d be all LTB

My husband has cancelled plans to visit a very ill friend very recently - so I know exactly how I’d respond. I sent my good wishes and got on with my day.

I certainly didn’t sulk and cancel all other arrangements to punish him.

Why don’t you ask op if her husband ever consults her before he disappears off for a piss up with his friends several nights a week whilst she stays at home with the children?

He sounds like such a decent husband though, right?

Nice try with the diversion - I’m not biting - stay on point, even when you’ve been proven wrong, and just admit it.

Or are you yet another who can’t accept her failings, the self-esteem being so fwagile.

I haven’t been proven wrong 😂

Do different rules apply to her husband then?

Why have you assumed her husband had no idea her friend was starting chemo?

Are you one of those ‘tradwives’?!

You don’t get to dictate the parameters of conversation.

The husband has a busy social life which he appears to carry on without input from the Op.

Of course that is relevant when discussing how he responds to the Op going out for the first time early this year.

They could have enjoyed Friday evening when all the children were occupied. But no. He had to cancel everything.

I suppose that makes sense if you are the sort of man who likes to punish your spouse.

I think you took a wrong turn on your way to an incel site.

That’s it, invent something that might be an insult and hope we won’t notice that you can’t actually provide a relevant and pertinent thought-out response.

The very worst in this situation I would expect is oh that’s a shame I was looking forward to us spending time together we rarely get child free time but I know it’s a shit time for your friend so you go enjoy a night with the girls we’ve still got Friday night child free together so we will make the most of that. The end

Yes of course, the OP reneging on an arrangement is justified: by the OP’s husband’s unrelated social activities last week, last month and last year.

Why should the OP lead by example? She doesn’t have to, she can get right down in the gutter where she thinks her husband’s behaviour is - because we all know the route to marital harmony is to behave just as badly as your partner has. Two wrongs show the other person how bad their behaviour was and will obviously lead to realisation and equanimity.

Or, she could have just talked to him in advance. Nah, that’s a rubbish idea…

Exactly @Amba1998 'shame about your friend and Saturday night, lets focus on Friday evening'.

And as I say I know this is a standard response because it's almost word for word what I said to my husband when he was in the Op's position.

He sounds like he might be a dickhead? Is this a recent turn of events or has he always been a dickhead? If the latter then dickheads gonna dickhead.

Why have you invented a scenario where op didn’t speak to her husband about going out with her friends?

I think on balance YANBU to be with your friend but DH is allowed be upset too. Next time you meticulously plan time together and he blows you off to be with a friend in need, will you be ok with this? Because that's what you are saying is OK. That said, his reaction is unpleasant and it sounds like he is being very dramatic about it. I think in a healthier relationship he would be quietly disappointed and you would be apologetic and promise to make it up to him and all would be OK.

Does dinner and watching tv when the kids are in bed require meticulous planning? I thought that was something most people did, most nights?

ETA I suppose it does require meticulous planning when the husband is out with his friends more than he’s at home.

I’ve already given my response to OP.

Your victim blaming and misogyny doesn’t need a thought out response.

Isn’t that what we do, invent an idea, believe it, and punish those around us for that idea

The ‘victim’ as you have elected to call her MADE IT ALL UP.

The lift request did not happen.

Most people read the op and respond based on that, not what they’ve invented in their head. You do you, though.

The fuck are you talking about? 😂

You’re making sh*t up again.

The OP never stated that her husband was out more than he was home.

Yet you lob your sarcastic and unhelpful comment in as a parting shot.

More important to make an entrance tho’, bolster that weakening fragile ego of yours. Transparent.

Struggling to keep up?

RTT

You are batshit 😂