Partner angry I’ve changed our plans to support my friend

[Tootiredtosugarcoat]

My partner and I have some rare time to ourselves this weekend. My DS1 is with his dad for the weekend which is a rare occurrence. Grandparents will watch DS2 on Friday night and we will go out to dinner and have some drinks. On Saturday night he said he’d cook and we could chill once baby was asleep.
My close friend is about to start a course of chemotherapy and of course our whole friendship group has rallied round her. She has asked if we would all like to go for drinks on Saturday night before she starts treatment and is potentially unwell for months. I feel I should go as she is my best friend, has been since we were kids, and has always been there for me through everything.
My partner has lost his head 🤯 refused to speak to me all night last night and then this morning has told me I obviously don’t care about my family, that he’s not a priority, that he’s cancelled our meal on Friday night because if I don’t want to be with him on Saturday night then I can’t be with him on Friday night. He’s told me I have to go on Saturday now because I’m not allowed to stay in with him. So I can’t even offer not to go now. Is it really that bad to want to spend time supporting my friend?
Just for further info, 2 weeks ago he was out all day Saturday and Sunday drinking with his friends, was out on Monday night with his friends, is out tomorrow night with them and will be out on Sunday with them too. A fairly standard month for him. I haven’t been with my whole friendship group since January. It just feels a bit unfair. However, I have dismissed plans with him to make plans with my friends. AIBU to be annoyed at him?

A few posters letting their imagination run riot over the thread.

When will people stop fabricating arms and legs in their own head then posting as though they were not only probable, but at times even fact.
It makes the poster seem facile and I can't take them seriously. It doesn't do to be so fond of your own opinion that you will make shit up to defend.

My DM, who lives in Spain, is starting chemo. I will be flying out one week in every three to support her and take her to each hospital appointment. This will be for about three months then I plan to spend about a month with her after that when she will be undergoing a very serious operation.

DH’s reaction has been to fully support me in this, insisting I must do whatever it takes including spending several thousands of our savings on flights and a visa application. He’s also sending frequent messages of support to her and has asked our DC to do the same.

That’s what a decent, supportive partner does. Your DH is a selfish man baby and I would be seriously reconsidering our relationship. Please support your friend here. You will regret it if you don’t.

Distracting yet again.

Do us all a favour and don’t try to answer the actual point.

Far more entertaining seeing you making stuff up and deluding yourself that they’re viable responses.

Nearly hilarious.

More pitiful really.

@Saladbrains
You're just as guilty if not more.
The poor manny-moo got a fright when he was blindsided by the suggestion that OP go out on Saturday instead of staying in. Boxed him in no less.

Could you not have offered/offer a compromise whereby you metbyour friend for an early drink while your partner did the baby's bedtime and then get home still with time for each other?

No.This scenario does not require a compromise. Friend gets priority.
Imo.

Oh Vivs, do you never have a day off? What a sad little life.

I’ve already answered the op.

And who is ‘us’? You’re a pretty lone voice on this thread.

Too right - he's trying to make this 'a teachable moment' for you. And his aim? You shall have no other friends before him.

This!

You’re being trained to completely accept being a second-class citizen in your relationship.

Absolutely. I am staggered that anyone could think a decent partner would have a different reaction to this tbh.

A nice, kind person would react calmly to this and want their partner to have the evening with their friend who is about to be very unwell.

Especially considering the fact they could have still had a nice date night on the Friday if he hadn’t spitefully cancelled it to punish her.

Amazes me how many posters on here essentially think OP should have asked for permission! Is the bar really that low? Has dick-pandering reached some sort of all time high?

What a child he is. His reaction is appalling. He's not thinking about your feelings regarding your poorly friend nor being considerate of her situation.

YANBU to be annoyed. What are you going to do about your life with him?

u ok hun? 😂

I think this might be OP’s partner 😂

She MADE IT ALL UP, don’t you know!

But why does her wanting to meet up with a friend about to start chemotherapy on Saturday mean he’s entitled to have a strop and cancel Friday night plans in retaliation?

Fair enough if he’s a bit disappointed but not worth a complete sense of humour failure (esp if this would be her first night out in 2025 and it seems like he might go out 2-3 times a WEEK).

He’s not being held to a higher standard, he’s just not reaching the basic level of behaviour.

My partner knows all about my friends cancer and the fact she has chemo coming up. He has been very much kept in the loop and knows how upset I’ve been about it and how worried I am about her. As soon as the subject of drinks with her on Saturday was brought up, I discussed it with him. He was not blindsided by my decision.

Ok - then I’m wrong about that.

OP’s husband needs to grow up and stop being petty and retaliatory about the Friday date evening.

Mind you, the idea of a genuine date night must be long gone and the two of you need the Friday night to listen to each other about the respective grievances that each of you both are holding about the other one.

Can you please explain what I’ve made up exactly? And what lift request? I never mentioned anything like that?
You can’t just make stuff up in your head and reply to that. Crazy

This person seems unwell, op and isn’t worth your time responding.

Ignore them. Their username says it all. Either they have salad for brains or they're a troll.

I’d replied to the wrong post

Your partner is being super unreasonable! What an arse.

Id make nice Friday night plans for yourself. Still go out & eat a nice meal. Have two nights out & off cooking/cleaning. Pick a cuisine you love and your partner doesn’t like, maybe invite a friend or go alone with a good book. Let him ruin his own weekend. Enjoy your well deserved night without the kids.

He’s trying to control you. Don’t fall for it. Live your best life anyway.

OP why haven’t you been out since January? Have you posted about this before? It seems familiar

He's being a complete TOOL! Don't let his selfishness sway you in any way not to spend time with your friend who will appreciate your support. Let him know you're annoyed with his attitude & that now you have a free Friday night you'll be making arrangements to see friends then too & he can stay home with the baby.