AIBU to think my American neighbour is taking this too far?

[MelaniaLovesLemon]

She’s already invited us to Thanksgiving (yes, in September) and has given me a little to-do list...
Bring a casserole, make miniature turkeys out of whole walnuts(?), and have something prepared to say about what we’re thankful for, and I need to bring my own chair. She’s quirky, loud and brash with a weird husband, and has a habit of turning up unannounced with crazy schemes.

Recently she came for an aperitif in our cute garden, and practically inhaled the entire tin of prawn cocktail Pringles that I was saving for my DS and then simply helped herself to another glass of wine without asking, apparently she wants that wine for the dinner?

Another time she invited me round at 9am to taste test three different types of stuffing, for the Thanksgiving. I could not possibly eat all that at 9am!

I don’t know if I’m being rude thinking this is all a bit much?

Just use your words and tell her you can't attend, does it really need explaining?

You sound like a piss poor host though, who leaves food around they're saving for their kids? And she, shock horror, helped herself to wine!!!! At a party!!!! Fucking hell deport the cunt!

(Oh and last year we borrowed a folding table AND some chairs from a neighbour... who wasn't even invited! The horror!!!)

This is a you problem.

You don't like her. Do her a favour and back away.

Either buckle up for the all American Experience. -Thanksgiving is bigger or as big as our Christmas... or politely decline.
Personally I'd be tempted to experience the Event. And who else will be there? All the other English neighbours? You can't miss out. And next time you host have enough bloody wine and snacks

It's time to fake your own death op.

She sounds enthusiastic - she's allowed to celebrate thanksgiving, and it's nice that she wants to include you.

She sounds loud brash and American, you sound a bit uptight and stuffy.

This. You don’t have to slag the poor woman off for being friendly beyond the perimeters of what you think is acceptable.

Sounds like fun, think I'd go. Bringing a casserole and wine seems okay, but I wouldn't bother with the walnut turkeys!!!

Thanksgiving is bigger than Christmas for many Americans. It's quite common for everyone to be assigned a dish to bring, and normal to borrow chairs if you're hosting more than you have seats for. I went to one for 18 people where we all brought dishes, chairs and a song to share. It was fantastic.

If you're such a joyless host you ration the wine to one glass and don't share th crisps, an American style Thanksgiving celebration isn't for you.

I now want nut animals for all celebrations, not just walnut turkeys. I have clearly been missing out Pecan hedgehogs? Peanut Easter bunnies? Guy Fawkes made out of conkers?

You need to stand up to her, it's not wrong to put boundaries in place. For example, as soon as she started eating your DS's pringles you should of taken them off her and they're not for you!

She's taking the piss because you're letting her.

Her excitement and enthusiasm sounds great to me and I'd enjoy it.

But if I wasn't up for it, I would just politely decline.

I thought it was shelled walnuts, but now I get it!!

Gosh so many replies, I just popped out for lunch.

I wasn’t expecting to be called a killjoy 😅 but thank you all for your perspectives. I’m not against going to Thanksgiving with her, but the list of things to do and the endless updates seems a bit much tbh.

For those who asked about the walnuts: she’s actually dropped off a little zip-lock bag of them at my door. Whole walnuts, not cracked, with scraps of felt and feathers glued on. One has a very stern expression in biro.

I honestly don’t know what to do with them. DS keeps lining them up on the radiator like soldiers.

Neighbours often drop in for an aperitif, she’s no exception. Usually it’s quite posh, so yes, Pringles aren’t the norm. They were for DS, but that didn’t stop her.

Ok, I'm an American in the UK and I've never heard of turkeys made of walnuts. That's not a thing. Your neighbour sounds kind of obnoxious.

I'm not big on turkey or Thanksgiving generally so I don't really celebrate it over here (however my British family does enjoy it when I've bothered to host it) but its basically just an excuse to have a nice roast dinner and get together. It's not that deep, just don't go if you don't enjoy her company.

Why did you get the Pringles out if you didn’t want anyone to eat them?

With silver bells and cockle shells and pretty maids all in a row…..

I think she is trying to explain Thanksgiving customs to you so you so you don’t feel awkward if there are US guests who know the score

taking a dish to share is commonplace, I would take something a bit English like honey roast parsnips, or sprouts with chestnuts, or even Yorkshire puddings.

thinking of something to be thankful about is also standard, the clue is in the name

bringing a chair makes sense if you live close, easier for you than people further away. Why not offer her a couple of chairs if she is willing to collect them.

walnut turkeys are weird, I would pass on them, and I would also pass on pumpkin pie which is revolting.

accept and enjoy yourself, and leave your prejudices at home.

She is trying to include you in her cultural and family traditions of Thanksgiving as a communal meal - if it's in the UK perhaps she feels lonely and wants to recreate family traditions. What do you want to do? - do you want to participate or throw it back at her and risk a tense relationship?

Personally I'd go along with an open mind and give the crafts a go - I was invited to a Swedish family's Midsummer party and was asked to bring a strawberry and cream cake (which I cheated) but nobody noticed after we'd jumped about doing the traditional "frog" dance

That's not a thing. Your neighbour sounds kind of obnoxious.

how many Americans are there? do you think you all do exactly the same thing? Sounds as though the neighbour has a walnut tree and has done this in the past? maybe with her kids? maybe she thought you'd like to help out a bit and have a bit of fun with your kids too?

I've been to quite a few Thanksgiving dinners (live near a US Air base and have US colleagues) and they have all been different in many ways, but similar in many other ways (honestly, how the heck is "green bean casserole" A Thing? it is vile). With some we have contributed a dish (we often take yorkshire puddings or seasoned puddings and British gravy, they mostly love it) with others we have contributed cash towards the cost, and with others we have just turned up and had fun, and hosted them for something else. Often when we visit friends for a big gathering we take chairs or a camping table or both.

Either embrace the fun or don't. Be a grown up about it though and just say "thank you but no" rather than the tediously elaborate "my aunt is dying" shite.

John from Emmerdale will be able to assist.

God she sounds awful. Get sucked in to 'a neighbourly friendship' at your peril! Don't go.

I'd go just for the experience, but I wouldn't be doing the walnut turkey thing.
Tell her you nearly choked on one as a child and now you can't even look at them without feeling dread/sick 😅

"cute garden"
Are you American, OP?

What a gross person, trying to welcome and include you in her important cultural celebration.

@scorpiogirlyout of interest which of the many war zones or extremely deprived countries wpyld you prefer to live in?

We have SO much to be grateful for.