AIBU to think my American neighbour is taking this too far?

[MelaniaLovesLemon]

She’s already invited us to Thanksgiving (yes, in September) and has given me a little to-do list...
Bring a casserole, make miniature turkeys out of whole walnuts(?), and have something prepared to say about what we’re thankful for, and I need to bring my own chair. She’s quirky, loud and brash with a weird husband, and has a habit of turning up unannounced with crazy schemes.

Recently she came for an aperitif in our cute garden, and practically inhaled the entire tin of prawn cocktail Pringles that I was saving for my DS and then simply helped herself to another glass of wine without asking, apparently she wants that wine for the dinner?

Another time she invited me round at 9am to taste test three different types of stuffing, for the Thanksgiving. I could not possibly eat all that at 9am!

I don’t know if I’m being rude thinking this is all a bit much?

I’m curious ,it’s this what she means ?

The cute garden comment has rid me of any sympathy for OP. I'm trying to think what that could be a typo for. I really hope it's a typo. Prawn cocktail are the superior Pringles flavour let's be fair.

right? This. Who is so stingy as not to offer a guest a second glass of wine?

I don't know but I've now saved this and will be doing it! Thank you

Umm no. Thanksgiving is more important to Americans than Christmas. A much nicer and more inclusive tradition as well. Less materialistic. Focused on gratitude.

She sounds insufferable. I am a US resident and she would work my last nerve. First of all don't EVER come to my house uninvited. That is a quick way to get the boot and told off. Yes I am grumpy. My home is my sanctuary after working with crying desperate sick people all day. I don't want any questions, any demands, anyone helping themselves to my wine or chips. Get out.

Secondly, I have never heard of someone INVITING you to an event they decided on their own to host, then commanding you with a Honey Do list of tasks.

I strongly suggest that you tell her that you aren't coming and that she needs to make other arrangements for her walnut turkeys and whatever the hell else she commanded you to bring to make HER event a success. That is not hospitality, it's demanding free labor and resources and using up the energy you should be saving for yourself and your loved ones. She probably can't even cook anyway!

It was my understanding that she didn't invite this woman over, she showed up and invited herself. The phrase "she came" does not communicate that she was invited at all. Then after showing up helped herself (after barging in mind you) to a second glass of wine instead of taking her butt home!

Though UK residents might not be aware, Thanksgiving is a politically charged holiday as it commemorates the beginning of white Europeans settling here, taking over the land and slaughtering millions of Native Americans imprisoning them in reservations aka prison camps. It is NOT lovely and it is not something someone with social and historical awareness would celebrate. Just tell her NO that you are appalled she even celebrates such a horrible historical event and that you will not be there. Make her feel stupid and she will leave you alone.

Not sure you've really understood the concept of a Thanksgiving meal if you think bringing a handful of walnut turkeys, a bottle of something and one dish makes up the full feast.

No, OP was not asked to bring the food/drink/decor - she was invited and it was suggested she join in the fun and contribute, as others would also be asked to do.

@DebOnDating I don't see how 'she came' in any way suggests she wasn't invited.

'I invited AnnoyingAmericanNeighbour to my swanky evening soiree/candlelit supper aperitif - she came'.

'I invited the nice lady next door to my overly pretentious drinkypoohs, she did not come'.

Nope, can't figure it out here. What is the correct terminology for attending an event to which one has been invited? What makes 'came' suggestive of gate crashing?

I am American and...she sounds like a nightmare! I.e., this is not normal. Avoid, avoid, deflect.

As an American married to a Brit living in London for 28 years.. let’s just say, I’d never have wanted to be friends with someone that demanding, even back home.

On the other hand.. the cute little garden, withholding beverages, being selective about who gets to eat the prawn Pringles.. maybe you two are perfect for each other, because I’m guessing you both need all the friends you can get.

Very grateful to the contributors of the walnut turkey links, because I was curious, too. I was picturing grinding them like Linda McCartney meatballs and shaping into turkeys. Quite fiddly.

Happy Thanksgiving, to you all.

In advance.

It’s a wonderful holiday, a celebration of gratitude for friends and family, open mindedness, abundance, tolerance, and generosity of spirit. Something you both seem to be lacking.

Thank you.

You just expressed how I feel on the subject, but more succinctly.

I'd decline but I wouldn't say anything about not celebrating thanks giving in UK. Just say you're already committed to something else. You will have to go out though!

I’ve been living in the US for 15 years and I’ve heard people lecture about thanksgiving like that a handful of times, mostly online. And I live in a solidly liberal area. I can well imagine how most Americans would actually react to being talked to the way you suggested. (I don’t have to, actually; I’ve witnessed it.) i do know some people who don’t celebrate it, but they don’t go about telling people off.

Not to mention, it’s the height of hypocrisy for British people to lecture Americans on Native American genocide.

Does anyone think Mumsnet seems to attract a high proportion of people who struggle with social interaction?

@DebOnDating You sound... fun.

Anyway, this thread convinced me to do a UK Thanksgiving this year, before we leave for the US for regular Thanksgiving with family. We've invited a dozen people and all have said yes. I didn't ask anyone to bring crafts or chairs or casseroles, no stuffing tastings. There won't be any unexpectedly sweet or tinned food, but I just might put some Pringles out (paprika, never prawn cocktail)...

@mathanxiety Going to try your brine!

Hear, hear. Thanksgiving is not "politically charged" in American culture in the slightest. And as you correctly point out, Britain is the worldwide historical champion of the colonial oppressors. Brits calling out the holiday as hypocritical are hysterically funny and blind to their own history.

Thanksgiving has its roots in the harvest celebration between the newly arrived Pilgrims from England and the local native Americans way back in 1621. It’s not celebrating Independence (over 160 years later) - that’s 4th July.

Calling out Americans for celebrating Thanksgiving is tedious, self-basing, virtue-signally crap…. but so is calling Britain the “worldwide historical champion of the colonial oppressors”.

The British weren’t perfect of course, but we led the abolition of slavery and our record is better than most other colonial empires of the time… Take a look at the cruelty of the Belgian Congo or the German genocide of the Herero and Nama tribes in the early 1900s, before saying we were the worst!

I’m sick of people talking down this country.

Quite. As a nation, we have done some terrible, heinous things. And lots of them.

And so have many other nations. Some of them much more recently than we have, when they could arguably be said to have less of an ‘excuse’.

In the case of the UK, none of us alive now are responsible for any of the actions of the past.

Why would you invite somebody in for a drink and then let them sit there with an empty glass?

indeed - not very British! Appreciate the potluck thing is possibly more American as a concept but I’ve never been to a British friends house without having nonstop insistence on drinks of some sort.

I'd swap Christmas for Thanksgiving in a shot. Seems much less stressful.

It is much less stressful - far less decorating to do, no presents to shop for, and the weather is usually better. I prefer it as well.

I've seen no signs of diminishing interest in celebrating Thanksgiving.

I'm American and I would be annoyed with this neighbor. Might be why she moved to the UK. She annoyed her American neighbors and thought the British would be more accepting. Anyways, why is she inviting you and then telling you what to bring? That's rude. I would decline.

I know.