AIBU to think my American neighbour is taking this too far?

[MelaniaLovesLemon]

She’s already invited us to Thanksgiving (yes, in September) and has given me a little to-do list...
Bring a casserole, make miniature turkeys out of whole walnuts(?), and have something prepared to say about what we’re thankful for, and I need to bring my own chair. She’s quirky, loud and brash with a weird husband, and has a habit of turning up unannounced with crazy schemes.

Recently she came for an aperitif in our cute garden, and practically inhaled the entire tin of prawn cocktail Pringles that I was saving for my DS and then simply helped herself to another glass of wine without asking, apparently she wants that wine for the dinner?

Another time she invited me round at 9am to taste test three different types of stuffing, for the Thanksgiving. I could not possibly eat all that at 9am!

I don’t know if I’m being rude thinking this is all a bit much?

I'd go and give a speech about why we're celebrating Thanksgiving - managed to get rid of those pesky, expensive, tax-averse colonials across the pond. A bit tone deaf of a USian to ask a British person to extol a revolution that was a side-show to the Seven Years War and won by the Spanish and French - not the USians themselves (who'd have majorly lost without foreign help).

The entire OP is insane. Placemarking. 🤣

Maybe the neighbours are thankful not to be in the USA at the moment. Why can people not say No to unwanted invitations//demands?

The Walnut turkeys are an anticlimax.
I can’t imagine any guests coming to my house and NOT helping themselves to a glass of wine.
I’m not waiting staff.

This would be my worst mightmare

How unfortunate that your aunt/niece/old schoolfriend will be unwell and in urgent need of a visit from your family over Thanksgiving weekend. I've frequently found it useful to have one of other up my sleeve for such invitations. Also the visiting relative who needs to be met at airport or station on the evening of the office party. I'm not a fan of enforced sociability.

this - it is a bit rude of you to let her glass remain empty.

OTOH, I am lolling at miniature turkeys made of walnuts. Tell her 'Ah, that kind of thing is done by the host here - and I suspect you will struggle to get Brits to express gratitude for anything 😁Very happy to bring a bottle of that wine though.'

I think it's a bit rude to decline on the grounds "we don't celebrate that in the UK". I go to my neighbours' Eid stuff all the time and I am not Muslim. I think you can sack off the whole turkey walnut thing though.

Just say you cant go for whatever reason. You dont need MN permission to turn down an invitation FFS.

YABVU to host and count crisps or glasses of wine. Either host happily or dont do it at all.

I've celebrated Thanksgiving a number of times with my American friends and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Very strange behaviour. I'm American, have lived here 20 years. I've not required people to make walnut turkeys yet but I'm a bit sad I've missed that window ("it wouldn't possibly be a proper Thanksgiving without the traditional walnut turkey brought by the neighbour!" My friends all know their roles now and crafts haven't featured 😁)

You do need to bring a dish though, it's just a part of the whole thing. Treat it like a harvest celebration.

We've been doing our Thanksgiving here with our friends for so long that we've noticed that all of our children believe it's a holiday here, and have been surprised to find out that their mates aren't also celebrating. 😂

She sounds very outgoing and probably not my sort of person, either, whether or American or otherwise. Just to say, you aren't required to attend the dinner, or even have her over for drinks, if you don't want to? I'm a bit puzzled by the situation, either you like her or you don't. Don't have her over if you don't enjoy her company?

Just say no

and tbh you are a terrible host so have no place to be affronted by ‘bring a chair and a casserole and a craft’. can’t imagine being pissed off for a guest for eating a tub of cheap crisps and pouring a glass of wine on the table, weird

if you'Re going to be sniffy about it, politely decline.

IME this is how Thanksgiving dinner works for many many American families and i think it's quite fantastic.

Also, if you had a tub of pringles to save, why were they where a guest might think they were for everyone? unless she went in your kitchen, got out the stepladder and retrieved them from the darkest reaches of the back of the furthest cupoard, yabu about that

YANBU. I would invite her to a harvest festival if possible and explain it’s more about donating to support people struggling.

I would respect Thanksgiving, but this person sounds like a nightmare.

Definitely just say no, she sounds a bit mad.

I really want to know if "cute garden" was a weird auto correct. Who calls their own garden cute?

Also, if you've put snacks and wine out and invited people round, you can't really get pissy if they choose to eat/drink.

example

I think the OP is BU for begrudging a guest a reasonable number of snacks and another glass of wine although I think a guest should wait to be offered a top-up.
However I think the American is BU to expect a guest to prep so much - I mean to bring one dish and a bottle possibly and a chair if she doesn’t have enough maybe but to faff around with walnuts WTF!

Half of me thinks she sounds like a character and makes life a bit more interesting. The thanksgiving thing might be fun, walnuts carved in to turkeys sounds fucking bonkers and it beats a boring neighbour called Malcom moaning about wheelie bins.

The other half thinks she sounds a nightmare.

But one day you’ll look back and chuckle at your mad American neighbour making you test stuffing at 9am. I WFH and have young kids and my social circle is small and bloody boring, this does sound quite amusing I have to say.

Giving me a to-do list would make me cross. I wouldn't mind buying something and taking it, but asking you to make those dishes, especially the fiddly fake-turkey things? Bog off.

And then you have to make two trips over, to carry the food and then the chairs. Double bog off. Sounds like way more trouble than it's worth.

I think it is lovely that your neighbour wants to celebrate something joyful from her culture and she has invited to join her. The walnut turkeys are so eccentric- I love it!

Very poor hosting not to refill a glass of wine or to begrudge a guest eating pringles.

me too and i was disappointed when i googled and found it is something entirely different

The Walnut turkeys are an anticlimax

Yes, I was imagining a half walnut, flat side down with little cut out turkey drumsticks stuck either side, like a mini cooked turkey. I can see it in my mind’s eye, anyhow!

Oh nooo, those loud alkie Americans, guzzling the entire two glasses of wine, scoffing all the pringles, foisting their loud American celebrations on everyone. Head tilt, tsk tsk tsk.

Would you react the same if you were invited to celebrate Eid or Diwali, or is it just those pesky Americans?

She did absolutely nothing wrong. Well ok, the walnut turkey thing is a bit odd. She invited you to her party, that's nice and friendly. Say no to the turkeys, bring the rest, say a couple of words about being thankful, no need for a speech, I'm sure. Or decline. She's not forcing you.

And begrudging your guest a second glass of wine and some pringles (a very sophisticated combo) is pathetic. Why did you offer it to her, if you were saving it for your son?

I must say, I have American friends and have been invited to their homes many times. They might be a bit loud sometimes, but one thing they ain't. Stingy.

Jinx! We've been hosting Thanksgiving (at whatever weekend suits us) for our friends for 20 years now. Our kids and theirs have grown up with it and everyone absolutely expects it now. We had 25 people last year and it was wonderful. Also sad to have missed the window for what looks like a hilariously entertaining craft...

But I'd never ask a guest to craft something! That one is bizarre.

Thanksgiving is meant to be slightly potluck so she's probably just thinking about how it was in the states. We personally make all the main stuff but we have vegetarian friends who bring a side, a friend brings a salad, two others bring dessert and everyone brings wine etc. Like you - everyone knows their job now!

But also OP - you can just say no thanks? No one ever has turned down our invites but it also wouldn't occur to me to police wine or crisps in my (messy) garden so I don't think we are particularly similar.

I agree with @Colourpurplepalette . You neighbour sounds like fun! Enjoy the new friendship.

I think I might quite enjoy the Thanksgiving. I don’t think I’d have been watching who was eating Pringles and drinking the wine. I’d just be pleased the invitation to my cute (wtf?) garden had been accepted. They sound like good neighbours