AIBU to think my American neighbour is taking this too far?

[MelaniaLovesLemon]

She’s already invited us to Thanksgiving (yes, in September) and has given me a little to-do list...
Bring a casserole, make miniature turkeys out of whole walnuts(?), and have something prepared to say about what we’re thankful for, and I need to bring my own chair. She’s quirky, loud and brash with a weird husband, and has a habit of turning up unannounced with crazy schemes.

Recently she came for an aperitif in our cute garden, and practically inhaled the entire tin of prawn cocktail Pringles that I was saving for my DS and then simply helped herself to another glass of wine without asking, apparently she wants that wine for the dinner?

Another time she invited me round at 9am to taste test three different types of stuffing, for the Thanksgiving. I could not possibly eat all that at 9am!

I don’t know if I’m being rude thinking this is all a bit much?

How can I make my garden cute, @MelaniaLovesLemon? It’s definitely not aperitif-worthy at the mo.

OK, I'll try again. No, I am not surprised that some people wouldn't want to go to the event as described. And I am not entirely surprised that a few people think that the very fact we don't normally celebrate Thanksgiving is in itself a sufficient reason to not go. I am however surprised that a majority of respondents have responded as if they think not normally celebrating Thanksgiving is in itself as sufficient reason. That's what "I don't get all these replies..." was shorthand for. As I suspect you knew.

Yes and I want to see the cute garden.

Just tell her you can't make it and keep saying no, no matter how loud she gets.

Same !

A cute garden? What a weird (and pointless) description.

Just say no if you don’t want to go to this event?

I need to know more about the cute garden though. My neighbours drank a ton of wine in my overgrown messy garden and it was all good. I think I need to up my standards…

Isn’t thanksgiving gradually becoming less popular to celebrate even in America?

Just tell her you don’t feel comfortable celebrating a historical American slaughtering so you’ll give it a miss, but you do celebrate Halloween and Christmas which are very close which you’ll be focusing on

I think she sounds fab & I wish I had a neighbour like this.

<misses point of everything>

As for the wine & pringles I agree you could perhaps loosen up a wee bit.

You make it cute by filling it with those walnut turkeys! I never knew they were a thing and now mumsnet has shown me how, I’m joining the Christmas poncing thread with these babies!!

Still can't get over walnut turkeys.

I was just going to eat our crop but now I know better 🤣🤣🤣

You sound like a bundle of laughs OP 😂

Obviously you can say no to the invite if you want! At least your neighbour sounds hospitable - she probably isn’t tight about how many Pringles a guest eats, say 😂

ETA: of course British people not celebrating Thanksgiving isn’t a reason for every British person to decline all invitations to related events 😂

I’m coming round yours to help! I’ll bring wine and Pringles. Hope your garden is cute!

You say she loves Pringles ? This might go down well with the walnut turkeys a big Pringles turkey ! Also options for Stars and Stripes Pringle crafts

Sorry, but I think you sound quite unfriendly. Counting the number of crisps someone eats when they're over at your house??? Begrudging them a top-up of wine???

An invitation for Thanksgiving is a nice and friendly thing to do. While the miniature turkey thing is a bit OTT, it is normal for Thanksgivings to be potluck. It is normal to go round the table saying what you are thankful for this year, and she was just giving you a heads up about that tradition. Bringing your own chair is also a totally acceptable request since you live close to her.

By all means politely decline (or just suggest bringing something other than finely crafted walnut turkeys) if you don't fancy it, but I think that mocking her friendly request online, in a way that is quite identifiable to her, is really mean.

YABU.

YABU for calling your garden "cute" and for being tight with the wine and Pringles.

YANBU for being deeply disturbed about walnut turkeys.

‘I’m thankful I declined your invitation’

Edit.. I would probably go though.

So she's basically acting how the majority of Americans act (loud/joyful/over the top/celebrate everything and anything) and your acting how the majority of the British act (cold/miserable/fun but only in small doses/can never be bothered to celebrate anything)

It sounds fun to me. She's excited to be sharing Thanksgiving with her British neighbours. I'd like to be part of that.

Most people I know, who have a "big" Christmas are already starting to make plans, so I don't think she's unreasonably early.

But, if you don't like her or don't want to go, do go.

... make miniature turkeys out of whole walnuts(?)

OMG, soooo kyooot !!!! 🦃

The chair is probably because she doesn't have enough for all the guests and you're close enough to bring one, and going around the table saying what you're thankful about is a kind of alternate tradition especially if you're not saying grace before chowing down. Bringing a dish is normal if it's a potluck; it's odd that she told you what to bring but maybe she wanted to avoid duplicates if everyone's bringing something?

Perhaps you could take along a walnut turkey with a little top hat, monocle, and Union Jack?

It's fine not to be a bundle of laughs or want to be bothered with all that faff. If you've accepted the invite, I wouldn't pull out but I'd push back breezily on the list - "I'll bring a chair but won't be doing the turkeys as crafts aren't my thing and I hate cooking so I'll bring a shop-bought xyz instead of a casserole." If any of that's a problem, say you're happy to not go, no hard feelings. As she's taking it too far for you, the key thing is to pull back before it goes further and this becomes the expected level of engagement. Keep it to friendly neighbours, not actual friends. You've tested the waters and she's not your cuppa so simpler all round to be polite but be yourself and don't get sucked into stuff you don't like.

Concur. Anyway I’d go. All part of life’s rich tapestry. Wouldn’t it be boring if we were all exactly the same?

Weren't you embarrassed to put out snacks guests weren't supposed to eat and to let your guest's glass stay empty?

Some of this is maybe cultural differences, but proper British hosting wouldn't allow that!

I had an American friend like this but put a stop to it when she threated to come and stay with me and bring her son, who, for want of a better description, had a huuuuge appetite. I am a vegan and live in a little house!

This reads like AI rage-bait 🙄

Wasn't she embarrassed to trough a whole tube and help herself to wine unbidden? Works both ways and there's a clear incompatibility.