I’m embarrassed my by friends weight

[BeachBaby997]

I feel horrible, I genuinely do. Don’t really know how to shake it off. Been friends for many years but never gone abroad together. Currently away and we both needed the break. We are both in our 30’s

The issue is my friend is really scantly dressed. Friend is 5ft, about 20 stone in her own admission. I’m not skinny myself and weigh about 13, so it’s not a jab. I do think I dress for the figure I have though. Nice summer dresses, midi dresses.

My friend always dresses lovely at home but on this holiday she’s wearing barely anything. The tiniest bikinis possible, even her dresses are cropped so her bum is really out, belly is out. She’s also quite a loud person in general and I can see people looking at us in the street. She’s wearing a lot from Temu and shein and the material is just hardly there. Today it’s tiny tiny shorts and a crop top.

she also spends 90% moaning about her weight, saying she hates it etc but does not stop eating. She then twists it and says “I don’t look 20 stone do I? Everyone says I look about 13/14”

We go for breakfast and she has 3 plates, then it’s straight to the snacks from the shop, then lunch, then more snacks from the shop. she will be eating until midnight.

I really don’t know why it’s winding me up so much- I just want to shout well if you’re so unhappy stop eating everything!

i think I just need to bite my tongue and get though the next four days. Our friendship is normally fine but we’re shopping for a day, grab a meal or coffee type friends usually.

And I can tell from reading your post that you are a bitchy cow who does not deserve to share space with people enjoying themselves on the beach.

Someone who is just over five foot and 20 stones will have a BMI of around 41. Not 54.

So she became morbidly obese between the time they booked the tickets and actually going on the holiday?

Seriously how are you all letting this deceitful person off so easily? She says she loves her, yet not able to be honest with her? Details enough in the entire post for her "friend" to recognise herself in these chats. And before you say she won't know it's her, the combination of attributes, plus being on holiday.... I REALLY REALLY hope she doesn't see this thread because is nothing in this that wouldn't stop her heart breaking.

You actually stay cooler if you don’t bare your skin, and instead cover up with a light natural fabric. That being said, I think OPs friend should wear whatever she feels comfortable in and it shouldn’t be a problem.

People should be able to wear what they like on a beach holiday. Whether they are 8 stones or 20 stones. The difference it makes to my life is zero.

NHS BMI calculator says it is 54.7

True I guess but they are deluded if they think they look good or that they are nice to look at.

Maybe they don’t care about looking good?

Maybe, but it’s not nice to look at either. I say that as an obese person myself

Don’t look then.

Surely that’s subjective though, and you can’t say people shouldn’t be able to dress how they want because others don’t like how it looks. Where does that end?

I should think it’s difficult to miss a woman with a BMI of 54 in a bikini. Total eclipse of the sun 😀

I’m not really saying they can’t dress how they want but I don’t think the OP is totally unreasonable to be embarrassed to be in her company if she is scantily dressed

That’s a ridiculous comment. And saying in your previous comment “I say that as an obese person myself” doesn’t stop you from being a bitch.

100%, I was 8.5 stone and my aunt was making rude comments about me being too thin; she has never said a word to or about my sister and cousin both being at least 15 stone.

You are not travel compatible. That's all.
See her for coffee or lunch.
I am not travel compatible with several of my close friends.

You're arguing with arrogance! And/or a troll! That response was ridiculous. Ignore them. Your points that you made stand and are valid.

Right back at you

There are different things going on here with your friend:

1. Wearing skimpy clothes when obese
2. Moaning about weight while eating unhealthily
3. Asking you to validate her belief that she looks less overweight than she is

My view:

1. This is up to her. Some people will judge her - it's for her to decide whether she's comfortable with this.
2. I think you should respond every time she moans with "It's in your power to change this."
3. Unless it's true, don't validate this. Say neutrally "you look about as I'd expect someone to look at your weight."

I would be embarrassed being around someone that was dressed inappropriately & was very loud .. it wouldn't be the weight that bothers me a such but I do cringe when I see vastly overweight women in next to nothing but even if they are very slim I think wearing very tiny things is quite vulgar .. I'm a uk size 4-6 (usually when not 37 weeks pregnant) & i wouldn't walk around in some of the bikinis I have seen ... I do find some bigger women love to moan about their size then do nothing about it & I do find that irritating ... x

This would annoy me too because I find it difficult to be around people who are oblivious to others (eg not respecting local culture in terms of attire) and people who have a high level of self-deception (minimising how much she eats). If I am honest, I also don’t like people who are greedy - and that’s not just about food, it’s about people who have no self control and are highly focused on what they want. I realise that this says as much about me as it does about her, but it sounds like you hadn’t really seen this side of her before and are also struggling with it.

It is wrong to be loud and/or dressed inappropriately depending on what country you’re in.

She doesn’t sound very lovable. She sounds very irritating and self-obsessed.

Why are you calculating the BMI of someone you have never met?

I dont understand why you went on holiday with someone you are so embarrassed about being around??