to want to have a talk about my feelings

[MyBusyWriter]

Hi everyone! I'm seeking advice on a situation with my mother-in-law. My husband and I graduated from grad school at the same time, and we've been married for 4 years after dating for 8. We have a very good relationship with his mum and see her often. Recently, she gave my husband a $1000 check for his graduation, and I texted her to thank her, assuming the gift was for both of us given our joint achievement, our marriage, and our close relationship. We've always been treated as a unit by her, and I thought she'd recognize our shared accomplishment. However, she replied saying the cash was actually just meant for my husband. What hurts me is that she explicitly stated it was for him only, and the fact that she didn't include me feels like a subtle distinction. Given our relationship and family dynamic, I didn't expect her to make this kind of separation. I'm very hurt to say the least because she made it a point to exclude me from the card and then explicitly stated in not so many words your graduation doesn't matter and I don't care about it and I don't want you to have any of the money. I'm also confused why she thinks my husband would keep $1000 from me and not share it given we both graduated.

AIBU to want to have a talk with her about my feelings?

I didn't insert myself her son told me it was for both of us. And stop saying her son. He is my husband once married he is more a husband than a son the husband and wife relationship is more important than the mother son one

because we both graduated together and her son is now part of a married unit. The family dynamic shifts once your child married and their spouse becomes their closest immediate family member. Her son is part of a married unit.

She called me and left a message saying she didn't mean to hurt my feelings and blah blah blah, Yeah lady now that your son called you out and you don't want to upset him suddenly you want to apologize but it wasn't good enough when I as your DIL say something. So she can save that fake ass apology.

Well you would have to ask your husband about that wouldn't you?

He'll only ever have one mother, don't go to war with her.
Send her back the gift to enjoy.
I highly doubt that this thread is genuine.
Surely no one is that ridiculous.

How do I insert myself? bc of one issue

My husband will always be his parents son first and foremost no question and I say that as a positive thing

Are you really trying to say his mother is more important and comes before the woman he made vows to will start his own family with lies down with at night shares everything with. Umm no I don't think so.

Bull-shit. 😄

Not in our book my husband and I are each other's spouses first as we live together and share a life together and made vows together

I know so

You are being absolutely ridiculous. She hasn't shown how she really views you at all, she has merely given a gift to her son, which is perfectly normal. You actually sound like a bit of a nightmare. Stop overthinking things.

again he said it's for both of us he could have just not said anything at all. Also why do you find it so hard to believe a man would back up his mother over his own wife.

Well you aren't in our marriage and trust and believe we always put each other first. I wouldn't marry him if he didn't

Oh god, you're trolling. You had me going there. Brava!!

Since a lot of marriages end up in separation or divorce who knows where you'll be in 10 years.
Especially the controlling type of relationship, that alienates family over the years.

There’s a 40% chance you’ll get divorced.

His mum and him have a lifelong bond.

if you ever have children you will understand.

This whole 'we're a team, we're a unit' thing is so bizarre to me.

I didn't become conjoined to my husband, abandoning selfhood and my own separate identity, when I married him.

My mother does not see me as part of some sort of marital conglomerate. I'm her daughter.

My husband is the man her daughter married, not a representative of Team VoltaireMitty.

I never saw my ILs as my rivals in some sort of weird pecking order of my husband's priorities.

Why all the drama? Why so much aggro and conflict? Can't you let the man accept a gift from his mother without making it all about you?

Urgh! What a monster you are! A sanctimonious monster.

It’s pointless arguing with you; between the sanctimony and dearth of critical thinking skills it’s flogging a dead horse and only exhausts the flogger.

Your poor mother-in-law! The irony is that you’ll doubtless be an absolute horror yourself when it’s your turn.

So well done to both of you for graduating. The fact you are married seems important to you. Your parents are took you and your husband out for dinner to celebrate. Your MIL sent a hefty cheque which you and your husband can choose to spend any way you like.
I also get that you were given a token appreciation gift from MIL.
You are now deciding her acknowledgement of your achievements are not good enough in the context of being his wife. From now on, "going to meet her where she is at"...you are making problems that do not exist.

And I agree we choose our future partners but given your account of getting on well etc you sound like you are possibly driving another agenda. Why can't you all get along?

Geez, you're sounding more unhinged with every post. Congrats on graduating, you may be book smart but you appear to have the emotional maturity of a gnat.
She will always be his mother, regardless of whether he's married or not. You may not always be his wife.