to want to have a talk about my feelings

[MyBusyWriter]

Hi everyone! I'm seeking advice on a situation with my mother-in-law. My husband and I graduated from grad school at the same time, and we've been married for 4 years after dating for 8. We have a very good relationship with his mum and see her often. Recently, she gave my husband a $1000 check for his graduation, and I texted her to thank her, assuming the gift was for both of us given our joint achievement, our marriage, and our close relationship. We've always been treated as a unit by her, and I thought she'd recognize our shared accomplishment. However, she replied saying the cash was actually just meant for my husband. What hurts me is that she explicitly stated it was for him only, and the fact that she didn't include me feels like a subtle distinction. Given our relationship and family dynamic, I didn't expect her to make this kind of separation. I'm very hurt to say the least because she made it a point to exclude me from the card and then explicitly stated in not so many words your graduation doesn't matter and I don't care about it and I don't want you to have any of the money. I'm also confused why she thinks my husband would keep $1000 from me and not share it given we both graduated.

AIBU to want to have a talk with her about my feelings?

Then she should take it up with her son her issues lies with him not me because he came home with the card and said mom got us a card for graduating lets open it. So what was I supposed to do say to my husband are you telling me the truth, Why wouldn't I assume my own husband was telling me what he believed to be true?

Ok good to know only parents can gift someone on their graduation. Shoot better go back to all my close friends and get my gift back because I am not their parent

Also it's pretty shitty fuck you from my MIL when she is very much aware and knows good and well that my parents treated us BOTH to a fancy dinner at a nice restaurant and gotten us BOTH a card yet she turns around all but ignores me. Real nice way to treat your DIL knowing her parents treated your son like one of their own on his graduation

Main character syndrome and won't be persuaded that she is wrong.... proving the main character syndrome.

Let it go, let the poor woman treat her son.

That doesn't make any sense though. My husband said to me in his words mom gave us a graduation gift so since in his own words he said US why wouldn't he think I would thank his mom since HE worded it saying it was to US? Once I told him what his mom texted me back he reached out saying he didn't appreciate her leaving his wife out like that as we are married and he doesn't like it when anyone hurts his wife. His mom threw around some stupid manipulation saying a son is a son til he takes a wife

OP sounds increasingly unhinged. Such vulgar profanities also completely unnecessary.

Why is this stupid thread in “Trending”? I’ve really got to completely de-register from MN and stop reading this kinda clickbait rubbish 🚮.

I mean she literally knows my parents treated her son equal yet she couldn't return the favor and in turn treat me equal or at least to something small. So yes metaphorically speaking she gave me the middle finger and said eff you. Let me tell you it didn't exactly endear her precious baby boy to her either. She dug her own grave on this one.

Unhinged for being hurt?

This is an adult forum stop being such a prude people curse get over it

Agree, a little gift and card should really have been given to you from her when you were not included in the monetary gift but I really wouldn’t say anything to her about it, just keep an eye out for other odd behaviour from her in the future

Why bother posting for opinions if you are just going to ignore the fact that the clear majority thinks it's you who is being unreasonable?

Yes exactly! A DIL is close family and I find it showing no one like any of her friends said to her hey if she and your son are graduating together it's a bit rude to give him a huge gift and your DIL nothing she has been in the family a while now. Trust me I won't say anything to her but I will definitely proceed accordingly in my relationship with her since I realize I don't matter to her as much as I thought. Guess that's on me for misjudging our relationship for being close.

There's a difference between your parents including your DH in a meal out and sending a substantial monetary gift.

Your parents took you out to celebrate. As your husband was there and also graduated it would be weird to exclude him.

Had your parents not been on hand to go to a restaurant, do you honestly think they would have sent a cheque to each of you for graduating? No. I don't think you would.

If your parents sent you money as a graduation present and your husband thanked them for your gift, wouldn't you see that as presumptuous (or grabby) on his part?

And???? She gave her son a gift not you yabu

What is the problem with a mother treating her son as an individual.
She hasn't been thinking about your graduation and future for over 20 years at least.
Why would you need to discuss anything about it with her.

No they took us out to celebrate. They could have very easily said we want to treat you and invited just me out but did they do that, no? They realized we both graduated so it would be rude to acknowledge one half of the married couple and not the other. And this meal was very pricey might I add. I didn't expect us both to receive a check just us to be acknowledged as a married couple who graduated together on the card

Because it's weird not to do anything for your own DIL when she has been in the picture since she literally started in grad school

Nope we are very much in love and he confronted his mother and asked why she left me off the card and that when his wife is hurt it hurts him and she said oh of course your loyalties would lie with her a son is a son till he takes a wife I mean she expects him to side with her and back her up over his own wife.

Once I told him what his mom texted me back he reached out saying he didn't appreciate her leaving his wife out like that as we are married and he doesn't like it when anyone hurts his wife.

Aw, so you are both dramatic. 🙄
Lucky MIL. Not.