Seaweed gate

[Seasick201]

AIBU?
Had a big argument with my boyfriend this morning and I don’t know if I’m in the wrong.
Last night he came upstairs while I was in bed and asked who did the washing up. I said me, and he said it was filthy, then stormed off. A few minutes later he shouted from the bathroom asking why there was “seaweed” in the shower. I said I’d clean it off in the morning.
This morning he didn’t speak when we woke up, so I just got on with getting our daughter ready. He came in and demanded to know why I’d been using his pillow (I genuinely didn’t realise). Then when he went in the shower he started on at me again, saying I thought you were going to clean it up. I said I would, but I was busy with DD at the time. He then completely lost it and called me a “fat pig”.
After that he left for work — but left both the door and the gate wide open so the dog got out and I had to chase her down the street.
I’m upset and angry, but also second guessing myself. AIBU?

Wasn't needed, I had already apologised, one person pointing out my error was enough, I heard.. Now 3 people, and you are all stepping in and having a go. Derailing the thread now perhaps?

For the final time, I have apologised, I only read a few posts, that was my mistake, I was in the middle of something and from now on will pay more attention and give the attention the OP deserves.

Right, now let's go back to the OP's situation eh?

@Seasick201 I've asked for this thread to be moved to Relationships - I think that's a more helpful place for it than AIBU.

It’s only seaweed ffs.
The amount of misogynists using this as an excuse for domestic violence and coercion on this thread is dispiriting - especially given that OP is the breadwinner and does all the housework.

He's an abuser. Please leave him.

I can't (and won't) blame @Happyjoe for coming to that conclusion, too many people on here WOULD have meant that as a dig!

I thought it was big of @Happyjoe to apologise. It rarely happens on here.

I don’t have any problem with men using Mumsnet, but comments like yours make me wish you were all banned.

Its depressing that so many men demand women are the breadwinner and then expect them to do all the domestic work, like OP’s revolting partner.

And please don’t pretend you are female.

Doesn't matter what you did or didn't do, name calling 'fat pig' is NEVER acceptable because it shows someone doesn't like you very much, are rude and verbally abusive and don't respect you.

Look at it this way - would he speak to his boss like that if his boss had done exactly the same kind of things? No.

That's the problem but people have different bars for these things. For me that is something I would never tolerate at all. No excuses. Any kind of name calling I would end a relationship because lack of respect is not something I will put up with. I don't name call either though.

You only have to look at posts on here to see that many women put up with being called a bitch and a cunt and all sorts of stuff in relationships which I find incomprehensible as I wouldn't tolerate it.

He is verbally, physically and emotionally abusive. You and your DD should be protected from him. He needs to leave.

Why do you do all this? Wouldn't your life be happier without him dragging you down?

Then that's all you need to know isn't it. What's your housing situation, rented/owned, joint names/just yours etc? You're not married are you?

Time to seperate fully and stay that way.
My DH would probably had been annoyed at a dirty shower if I had been the one to leave stuff in it.
He would never call me a fat pig and would get a mouthful back if he did….
Walking on eggshells is something you do not want your DD to start doing, and it’s not great for her to witness name calling and bins being thrown.
Many people have childhood trauma, he sounds like an arse.

Did you get directed here from some incel forum?

His behaviour is obviously beyond the pale, but let's also add passive-aggressive nonsense to the list. Who, in a two-person household and knowing that he isn't the one that does the housework, asks "Who did the washing-up?" He bloody knew he hadn't done it, so what was the point of the question - apart from giving him the excuse he needed to kick off, of course?

Do you get in a state when you see a leaf in the house that your wife hasn’t cleared up?

I think it’s time for all the men who hijack this forum to set up a Mansnet where you can moan about women together while watching Andrew Tate vids.

My ExH was exactly like this and got worse over time. Took me 20+ years of misery before I escaped You have recognised it is bliss when hes not there. The best Chistamas me and the kids had was when he was in hospital. I always did absolutely everything and all he did was criticise.
Don't be me OP.

To be fair that is more or less the rest of the internet right there.

Jesus, but that’s a low bar from people asking if/why there may have been seaweed in the shower AS IF THAT JUSTIFIES THIS ARSEHOLE’S REACTION OF CONTROLLING BULLYING. Deliberately leaving the door and gate open so the dog runs away?! So it could be killed or run over? That’d be it for me. It’s cruelty, he’s testing if you will tolerate that and forgive him then next it’s you and your DD. Lots of evidence that men who abuse family pets then go on to abuse women and children. 🚩🚩🚩🚩 Run for the hills or live with the consequences. You and your DD.

You can feel that bliss again.

get rid of him.

imagine your Dd growing up to think this is how relationships are and going through the same

imagine how shit you’re going to feel when she’s repeating your mistakes?

rip the plaster off, he goes today!

Have you actually read the OP's posts?
She does 90% of childcare is the breadwinner and does all the housework?

Maybe she didn't wash the dishes properly or left the shower until the morning because she's worn out?
Has her dp had enough of what?? His maid not doing her job to his standards?

I'd be fuming at him if the dog got hurt or caused an accident but clearly he cares about leaving the door open as much as you care about leaving washed dishes dirty and seaweed in the shower.

I wonder if this is a one off. You both sound pretty slap dash in your ways.

This tells you everything you need to know. Good luck OP

Leaving the shower filthy sounds rather skanky but his reaction is OTT.

I could leave a sea of plankton in the shower and if anyone called me a fat pig they would be out of my life.

No man calls a woman he loves a fat pig. Even if they're having a row.