To be shocked to see my (female) friend described as “they” on her work website?

[CandidMoss]

I was looking at a friend’s company website and noticed she’s now listed as “they/them.” It really surprised me, I’ve only ever known her to use “she” and she’s never mentioned anything about changing pronouns.

Not sure if it’s a mistake, a work policy or a personal shift she hasn’t shared. AIBU to feel a bit blindsided? Or is it none of my business?

I can't take anything you say seriously

And we can't take anything you say seriously.

And you’d look as batshit as the people who kid themselves they’re no longer the sex that actual biology proves they are. I’ve worked with two blokes who pretended to be women. Both had the full she-bang surgery hormones etc and both looked like blokes pretending to be women. Because that’s what they are. If it walks like duck and it quacks like a duck then I’m going to call it a duck. Because if I called it an army I’d be lying and denying reality.

It being on a public website does not make it OPs business. Whether an error or her friends genuine choice to use those pronouns has nothing to do with OP.

You did describe yourself as blindsided though

And how close of a friend are they if you didnt realise they worked there and only recognised them because if their picture?

Did you get on with them?

Well that's one thing we do agree on then 😊

If I was "encouraged" to state pronouns at work, I'd say either they/them or he/him depending on my mood at the time.

Maybe your friend has done the same!

I think it's now legitimate to ask those who watch the BBC if they have had a lobotomy.

Grow up and stop being ridiculous.

No, they didn’t like the fact I wouldn’t pander to their lies!

And did you get on with them before any pronoun debate happened?

In Turkish 'o' means he, she and it.

Not in response to the quoted message, but more broadly, Turkish speakers manage not to confuse people with inanimate objects or assume anyone wants to be a table. Language also evolves, once upon a time we had formal and informal for 'you', 500 odd years later we don't. Maybe it will be 'they' as correct form in 200 years or maybe we might just do away with pronouns altogether and we will say 'Leila has worked here for 10 years. Leila's expertise is in knitting and car engines' and no one will care about the repetitiveness.

No, I didn’t know of them before I started at that particular place of work and it isn’t just a ‘pro-noun’ debate. They wished to be accepted as women. They’re not women and they never will be and I will not pander to any delusions or be expected to lie. It’s apparently immoral to lie about anything else, we’re judged for it, but you want me to lie to save the irrational feelings of a man in a frock? No.

So you don't get on with them because they are trans and wish you to refer to them as female? How does that even come about, do you call them he/him when talking about them to someone else?

Yes. Because that’s what they are. I never talked about them unless it was in reference to work, because why would I, but if I was having to refer to them in a work capacity then yes. I would say he/him/his.

It isn’t a case of ‘not getting on with them’, I’d be perfectly happy to get on with them, I just will not refer to them as something they are not.

I asked if you got on with them and you said no

Yeeeesssss, because you asked! ‘Getting on with’ would be for people who I would eat lunch with or socialise with or have a harmonious working relationship with! Due to my refusal to call them women they didn’t wish to ‘get on with me’! I’d be perfectly happy to get on with anyone providing I wasn’t expected to go along with bullshit! It’s really quite clear! So, a clearer response to your ‘so you don’t get on with them because they are trans’, I will answer that No, they didn’t get on with me because I would not pander to their need for me to lie to them, myself and everyone else.

OK we have different definitions of what it means to get on with a work colleague as there are plenty work colleagues I get on with who I don't eat lunch with or socialise with.

The fact they wish to be referred to as female and you refuse to do that is the reason you two are both huffy puffy with each other.

Haha! I’m not huffy puffy, I couldn’t give a fuck if a person with a loose grip on reality doesn’t want to be friendly with me! It isn’t my job to appease people who deny simple fact!

But you do give a fuck otherwise you would just say hey it's not something I believe in but if it makes you happy. I don't believe in God but if someone i worked with did and one day asked me for a favour in relation to that (no idea what that would be but just using it as an example) then I wouldn't refuse solely on the basis I don't believe in God.

Is your friend a bored middle-class narcissist with "quirky" hair and accessories?

That might explain it.

It’s ridiculous and grammatically incorrect to use ‘they’ for a single person whose sex is clearly known.

MN does it. "Witchywitchy27 updated their thread". In that context, I think it's fair enough.