To be shocked to see my (female) friend described as “they” on her work website?

[CandidMoss]

I was looking at a friend’s company website and noticed she’s now listed as “they/them.” It really surprised me, I’ve only ever known her to use “she” and she’s never mentioned anything about changing pronouns.

Not sure if it’s a mistake, a work policy or a personal shift she hasn’t shared. AIBU to feel a bit blindsided? Or is it none of my business?

Presumably, surprised.

This is what I'll never understand about a lot of MNetters 'friendships'.

They seem devoid of all normal communication.

"Oi Sandra, I was nosing at your work profile when I noticed your pronoun. Was that intentional or auto generated?"

🤷‍♀️

If any of my friends decides they are not sure anymore whether they are male or female that would 100% have an impact on our friendship. I would be thinking they were not in their right mind. How could it not have an impact?

If I decide I’m a giraffe I would totally expect that to have an impact on all my relationships. I would expect any one who knows me to be concerned. To suggest I seek MH support.
What a weird messed up world we are now living in that a woman decides to refer to herself as a plural or as a man and others around the are happy to go along with that.

Presumably her workplace know whether she is a man or a woman so this was her decision. In that instance she must have a personality disorder because there is no such gender as 'they'.

I'd ask her.

I am pretty sure if she had properly changed pronouns and wanted you to use the new ones, she’d have told you by now. Especially if you use the wrong one!

Yes it's not something I understand but it does seem to be the modern way, I see more and more they/them and I'm sure I've seen both she/her and they/them together

My genuine reaction would be “Whaat?! Since when is Sandra a they/them?!”

Maybe ask about it and open a discussion with your friend?

Why are you looking on your friends work website? Why do you care ?

Why don’t you read where it explains why .

Try not to think about it and it will go away.

OP already explained why

There are so many though, it’s like twat whack-a-mole!

You could have a podcast and maybe write a self-help book with that amazing advice. Probably put it on mugs too.

I think most people realise that could be a very sensitive conversation.

If it was a "work policy" then the profiles of all the staff would use they/them, so that would be very easy to rule out.

If your friend is transitioning they deserve your support - not to be gossiped about on the Internet.
If its just a typo / mistake on the profile your friend will probably be "blindsided" if they find out you are second guessing their gender identity with a bunch of strangers on the Internet.
There's only one way to find out... Ask her!

It’s not disingenuous. You’re talking about this as if it is a normal thing but it isn’t.

No one had ‘pronouns’ in their email signature 10 years ago - this is an entirely new construct pushed by hardline trans organisations like Stonewall despite the detriment to women and disregarding basic grammar. It is intended to normalise men calling themselves women and pretending that our biological sex is never important.

What would her friend be ‘transitioning’ to?

If your answer is ‘non binary’ can you explain exactly what that means? Because after many years of asking I am yet to hear a coherent explanation.

Pressumably you would need to ask the non binary person that question

If it is a ‘thing’ in a world where words have definitions, surely anyone who knows about ‘transition’ could answer that question?

Lambington raised the point do presumably can answer the question? Laurie Penny, a famously ‘non binary’ person recently failed rather embarrassingly to explain what she is claiming to be so I wondered if the good users of Mumsnet might have the basic info here.

And you say people have answered the question to you before but not in a way you understood?

Either she has somehow requested it or maybe somebody at the company has chosen to use 'they' for everybody, in the mistaken arrogant belief that people who use 'she' or 'he' (the vast, vast majority of us) don't matter.

Otherwise, if she is the only person (or one of a few) with 'they' - and all the rest are 'he' or 'she', I wonder if the website content writer doesn't know her and is lazy, or maybe she was asked to tick a box somewhere along the line and she didn't, so they've given her 'they' as their chosen default. Does she have a unisex/ambiguous name, or one from a different culture that might not instinctively be known as male or female by your average British person?

Unless 'they' clearly IS somebody's chosen pronoun - whether we share that same belief or not - it looks so deeply unprofessional and slapdash to use it generically. It screams that the write-up is likely inaccurate and untrustworthy, if they couldn't even get that part right.

It reminds me of that episode of The Simpsons where they go to a crummy 'theme' family restaurant with a robot sideshow band and, when somebody presses a button, they mechanically sing "You're the birthday boy OR girl".

Exactly. It needs saying on every thread. There was none of this. And then there was lots of this.