To be shocked to see my (female) friend described as “they” on her work website?

[CandidMoss]

I was looking at a friend’s company website and noticed she’s now listed as “they/them.” It really surprised me, I’ve only ever known her to use “she” and she’s never mentioned anything about changing pronouns.

Not sure if it’s a mistake, a work policy or a personal shift she hasn’t shared. AIBU to feel a bit blindsided? Or is it none of my business?

"Traditional" pronouns?

Not the point (as I think you well know). Dropping “sh from someone you know is female is quite the cognitive headfuck to impose on someone. Some might call it abusive. And extremely narcissistic.

Not sure if it’s a mistake, a work policy or a personal shift she hasn’t shared. AIBU to feel a bit blindsided? Or is it none of my business?

None of your business.

Is the context that each team member has "Pronouns: ___" listed on the profile, and your friend has "Pronouns: They/Them" when you'd have expected "Pronouns: She/Her" (or nothing)? Or is it incorporated into a bio, like "Anna joined ABC Corporation in 2018 and has been in their current role as Client Service Officer for three years"? If it's the latter, I'd assume clumsy fill-in-the-blanks automation software OR a desire on either Anna's or the corporation's part to minimise the (well-documented) negative impact of being perceived as female in many workplaces.

If it's the former, I'd normally say don't change anything re the pronouns you use for Anna unless or until Anna asks you to, BUT if it's likely to come up in the interview - for example, Anna referred you for the job, or it'll be obvious that you've worked together in the past - then you might ask Anna about it to avoid confusion. Or avoid pronouns if asked about Anna at the interview.

No. I'm female and so have all my life been referred to as she/her, no one asked me in my first 40+ years if this was OK, so I see no reason for that to suddenly be a thing we need to discuss now.
If people for reasons of their own decide to suddenly start call me a different pronoun, I'd think it was a bit weird of them, but I wouldn't care enough to try to force them not to.
I don't need to be called she/her to affirm that I'm a woman, and calling me he/him wouldn't stop me being a woman.

As Del Boy would say - you give my arse an headache!

Why don't you just casually tell your friend you were reading their profile and that you didn't realise they were non binary. Gives them an easy way to tell you if they are or not without any stress.

I found out a friend was because they were telling me about coming out to their parents and I asked about what and they said "oh sorry, didn't I tell you I was non-binary?" and that was that.

How so? You asked me a question and I've answered you honestly. Where my pronouns are concerned you couldn't find an easier going person than me. Not my circus, not my monkey, so you choose.

Well, I suppose it depends if you’re okay with men popping on a bit of lippy and wishing to infiltrate women’s sports! I mean, men - lippy or not, shouldn’t be in women’s loos full stop, conspiracy or not.

You sound more difficult than the people I'm sure you think are the difficult ones.

Why? How?

She really doesn’t. What are you objecting to?

This !

How can telling people you don't have a preferred pronoun and they may use whatever they think appropriate be difficult? I'm not stopping anyone else stating their preferences. Why do I not have the right to opt out of this without being deemed 'difficult'? Why is this more 'difficult' than another woman who tells us we have to call her 'he' or 'they'? Which takes conscious effort when our natural inclination would be to say 'she'?

Well if they pop lippy on to play sport then at least that will be the giveaway 😆

Are you she/her, he/him or they/them. I'm she/her. That's great thank you. Simple.

Except it’s not. I’ve seen she/them etc

I mean, if we’re honest, all the lipstick in the world can’t disguise the XY!

I've seen that too.

No one has a preferred pronoun, that’s the bottom line.

Exactly!

Ignore it to be honest. Maybe the company has decided to be right on allies to the gender woo and she's saying "alright then, put me down as they/them" to take the piss. The company would be in a proper bind if they didn't 'affirm' despite knowing she's talking bollocks in which case, fair play.

I'm sure if she really was serious about being non binary you'd know, because she wouldn't be able to stop going on about it!

Your missing my point about being difficult

Could you explain it more then?

If someone asks if I'm she/her and so on, it takes a few seconds and no thought process to answer I'm she/her. That's me not being difficult or making points. Its a minefield for companies not to offend people when so many people want to find offence to everything.