To be shocked to see my (female) friend described as “they” on her work website?

[CandidMoss]

I was looking at a friend’s company website and noticed she’s now listed as “they/them.” It really surprised me, I’ve only ever known her to use “she” and she’s never mentioned anything about changing pronouns.

Not sure if it’s a mistake, a work policy or a personal shift she hasn’t shared. AIBU to feel a bit blindsided? Or is it none of my business?

Its a comments thread. I'm commenting. Maybe I don't believe her. And even if she was looking for a valid reason I think her reasons for coming on here to express her 'shock' was for rage baiting on a well know anti trans platform

I couldn’t go and work somewhere that made you list your pronouns!

Nor me. Thankfully, I work for a company where the Directors have common sense and intelligence and expect the same from their employees. There are only ‘he/hims’ and ‘she/hers’ and funnily enough, no one ever needs to ask or proclaim what they are. Because we have eyes.

At Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the Tunneling Electron Microscope. Now this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. If I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem.

Frasier? 😊

It’s very offensive to make others deny reality and the deny others the language to describe that reality.

How is describing myself as she/her when I'm female denying reality?

My choice not to participate in something meaningless to me, to not patronisingly and disingenuously go along with the charade that if i dont specify people might 'misgender' me; when i know full well they wouldn't, and wouldn't care if they did, is as valid as yours is to participate. Why can you not respect that?

Because that’s where it’s coming from. The idea that you have to tell someone to use female pronouns suggests that your sex can’t be discerned without you announcing it, which is almost certainly a lie.

And it pretends that pronouns a belong to individuals to pick and choose, and change the meaning of if they like when that’s not how language, which is a shared, collective endeavour, works. We teach little children that pronouns are sexed. They hear it from the moment they’re born. And then we tell them that actually, pronouns don’t always refer to sex and you have to ask before you use one.

That's fine, they can then put "they" if that is the firm policy. No points being made on either side in that meeting right 😆

🤯 am I female- yes, am I she- yes, do I care what others call themselves - no

I was responding why the other person likely used “she”. OP did not say her friend uses they/them. Which was the reason for her thread.

So why do you have to tell anyone what pronouns to use? You’re female, they can speak English, job done. Nothing needs to be said, does it?

The only reason this has become a thing is due to those who want us all to go along with their pretence that we can’t see exactly what sex they are and will refer to them using the wrong words. And words matter, language matters. As soon as you start to refer to a man using female words you sow the seeds that that man is, is some vague, undefined way, female. But HE isn’t, is HE?

You can collude in an ideology based in deception, particularly the deception of women and girls, if you want. Others choose not to, and are happy to make the lives of those who want to impose this deceptive ideology on us very hard indeed.

Yes they can put they/them. As I said, it doesn't bother me. However, until a few years ago they'd have put she/her. Nothing has changed about me. I've literally been silent on the matter. So the obvious conclusion is they're doing it to make a point. It's not a company policy. This is the choice of the individual chairing this meeting.

OK it doesn't bother you 😊

Whats speaking English got to do with anything.

Ive actually been very surprised when watching documentaries following people who have had gender reassignment surgery etc just how much they can look like the sex they are 'changing into'. We have all seen the very obvious cases where all they do is put on lippy and pretend to be female to get out of being put in a male prison, but it's amazing when it's done correctly over a long period of time by genuine people. You wouldn't know.

Pronouns are part of the English language, aren’t they? That’s what we’re talking about, right?

I'm personally talking about whether it's an issue or not. Not concentrating on the language aspect. Solely looking at the language aspect then that's a non issue because our language constantly changes over each generation. Many words are not used any more and many new ones exist.

No. It bothers them/you. What bothers me is your/their insistence I actively participate in something that doesn't bother me. Do you see the difference?

It doesn't bother me hence I simply answer the question. If all you are talking about is one meeting and you said it wasn't firm policy just that individual's choice to ask that question, then all the more bizarre you have typed long post after post on the matter.

I'm only typing posts after post because you keep quoting me! My initial response to the OP just offered a possible explanation based on my experience. You chose to run off with that and question me further.

Maybe I'm getting you muddled up with the other one who posts long waffling paragraphs 😆 anyway to sum up- your not bothered and I'm not bothered so we are both happy not to be bothered by the pronoun 'issue'

Of course it’s about language. But this isn’t language evolving naturally, which happens over time. This is about an enforced, imposed change of language to suit an ideology that is based on deception and lies, and the misuse of language is a key part of that, as I’ve already explained.

Sex matters.
Language matters.
The language around sex matters.

Ah right. Such is your lack of grasp of language you can’t cope with more than 280 characters. My bad. I’ll keep it Twitter length next time so you don’t lose track.

Right, so you can call yourself female or male or she or he and I can call myself female and she. No issue. Nothing is taken away from me or you.