To be shocked to see my (female) friend described as “they” on her work website?

[CandidMoss]

I was looking at a friend’s company website and noticed she’s now listed as “they/them.” It really surprised me, I’ve only ever known her to use “she” and she’s never mentioned anything about changing pronouns.

Not sure if it’s a mistake, a work policy or a personal shift she hasn’t shared. AIBU to feel a bit blindsided? Or is it none of my business?

I'd roll my eyes and probably not give it a lot of further thought.

'They' haven't mentioned it to you, so right now I would assume its not a big deal and doesn't have much bearing on your friendship. If it is a big deal it will probably come up naturally in the course of your conversations at some point.

If it was a close friend I’d just text them and say “why are you listed as they/them” on your company website 🤷🏼‍♀️

Some companies might add pronouns to peoples profiles to keep in with all he cool kids.

I have been referred to as they/them when I have not shared my pronouns as requested at the start of a meeting, and they/them-ed in the minutes and in correspondence referring to me. I see it as a little punishment they mete out to people who refuse to comply with the pronoun sharing. Possible this has been done to your friend?

No, I didn’t say that. The question has not been answered.

Attempts may have been made but nothing that makes any logical sense or has any bearing on reality has been put forward.

Yes, I always have a problem with this. Why is a table feminine and a garage masculine? Mind you, German is even more complicated!

Wow that’s so rude! They are pretending they can’t see tell if you are male or female. It’s so ridiculous and only benefits a very small but utterly demanding group of disordered men.

I bet they can’t believe their luck - suddenly everyone running round making themselves look silly and spouting utter nonsense just to appease these men.

They would argue they are defaulting to the polite form of address for those who's 'gender is unknown' because they believe gender and sex are different and that you can't assume gender from appearance. They can go at it. I know my correct pronouns, they know them too, and we both know we know.

Yes. It’s like some people are determined to make themselves more stupid as time goes on.

What's the issue with sharing your pronouns? Or are you non binary?

I consider it entirely unnecessary. I am very obviously a woman and until recently that was sufficient for people to use she/her when referring to me. Nothing has changed for me and my life that requires me to suddenly need to tell them they must continue to do this.
If my not announcing my pronouns causes other people to not know what to call me, that isn't my problem or indeed my concern. They may choose.
I am not offended either way. Just mildly amused when they choose they/them to make a point. And it is to make a point. Because it would be vanishingly rare for a person who preferred they/them not to announce it. So its a fairly safe bet I'm she/her.

Yeah, me too!
Depending on who they were, it could explain a lot or totally bemuse me!

I guess another example of how different everyone is as I couldn't get worked up over being asked to confirm how I wish my pronouns to show. It's a modern problem for businesses, they are just trying to keep everyone happy- but by doing so seem to have created a new upset for some.

This

I'm not worked up about it. I find it a little ridiculous that a meeting cant start before 30 men and women have gone round the room confirming that (shock!) the men prefer he/him and the women prefer she/her. However, no one has added pronouns to my email signature.
I admit I wouldn't be happy if they did as it would be very presumptuous to state on my behalf I have a 'preferred pronoun' when I don't.
I'm not sure it's a 'modern problem' tbh. I think its an outdated one now. I have noticed very few people choose to add them to their emails these days compared with 5 years or so ago. Interestingly none of the young entry level staff in my work have them.

You don't have a preferred pronoun?

None of your business.

OP literally explained this yday. Multiple people have also mentioned that OP has said this. Do people here bother reading comments? But yet they “this” “this” like it’s doing something.

This 😆

Also reminds me of the ubiquitous ‘first post nails it’ with added eyeroll points for ‘as always’ when the first poster is actually being a dick ‘as always.’

Have you signed up to the batshit gender bollocks that’s currently in fashion with the hard of thinking? If not, then continue to call her ‘she/her’, because that’s what she is. Does she usually conform to ridiculous fads? If so, there’s your answer as to why.

Why have you just used “she” when the OP said this person uses “they”?

See? It’s not that easy to just ignore the rules of language and definitions that you’ve known your entire life.

No one does. Pronouns are part of language which belongs to everyone. They do not belong to individuals to pick and choose and change the meaning of if they fancy it.

No such thing as “your” pronouns. Pronouns don’t belong to anyone.

At least you refer to it as a ridiculous fad which is better than the - it's a conspiracy against women to ultimately allow men to pop on a bit of lippy and use the ladies loos!

I thought OP said her work profile states “they” but she has never known her friend to use they / them.