DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

I do see what you mean. I was talking to my friend the other day. She met her husband at 19 and is now 45. She did say to me that although she's happy with her life, she wishes she'd met her husband a bit older, so she could have had a bit more fun before she settled down.

That was, however, the late 90s when things were a lot different. Young people nowadays aren't into going out drinking/clubbing, etc, like we were.

We all change as we get older - they might just do things the other way round to us!

I thought you were going to say that they were bumming around and not making anything of their lives, but it just sounds like they're content!

Why can't people live their lives how they want to do so?
Agree!

I think partying a waste of brain cells and an awful way to waste life, waking up with a headache for what?
Oops, your judginess and hypocrisy is showing. If people can live their lives as they want- it includes doing so in ways you find a waste/stupid.

and then the weird diversion (until we check your username) People also like to think having children young, or many of them, is a waste of life and so on,
Read any of the numerous threads on this and you will see the sharpest critics are... the adult “many of them” children. You know the ones who got to experience the sharp end of someone else’s choices, with no say, no voice, and are expected to go along with your narrative. Give me a break!

I just don’t want them to look back and regret not living a little thats all

I regret not living a little when I was younger, by that I don’t mean partying etc I mean pushing myself out of what I was comfortable with at that age. I got old quick. Now I have to wait until my kids are old enough plus there are things that just aren’t suitable anymore.

Me too!

I'm sure they are making more memories and enjoying life than laying stagnant on a Sunday with a hangover!

Wind up merchant alert

I'm not being obtuse. You referenced the case in hand in the post I responded to.

Yes, if you want to talk about avoidance in a wider context, it isn't a good thing, no. What I'm trying to get at is why this particular lifestyle in the OP in any way points to any sort of avoidance.

That's what I'm struggling with. How a perfectly ordinary, standard life has become a red flag leading to wider discussions on avoidance.

You end by saying you like to do some of the things OP's daughter does, but you 'balance' it. I don't see OP's daughters life as 'unbalanced'.

She goes out. She works. What would make this look more 'balanced' to you? I ask that genuinely, because I am aware the point I must be missing is not that you are addressing a wider issue, but what it is about this perfectly standard lifestyle that moved you to associate it with the wider concerns I would only have thought about if the post referenced rarely leaving the house, not working, etc.

It may seem boring and unadventurous to the likes of us who partied, travelled, lived life to the max, but that's how they want to be.

Everyone is different, some prefer a quieter life, and they seem happy. Xx

I mean just leave them be?
they seem happy so why on earth would you tell them how to live? It is hard to see our children make mistake but crocheting is not known to be one of these mistakes…

I suggest you go and live instead of trying to do so through your daughter. Also, don’t give her/them anymore unwanted advice…your comment will be remembered!

What would you rather they go Benidorm and get drunk every night. You sound like the old person.

I don’t know! I’m sure someone has tried it tho!

Weird post (no offence intended). They are happy. Would you rather they were getting off their rocker somewhere? It was different when we were younger in the 90‘s/00‘s. Young people don’t drink anymore and seem to enjoy healthy living. Let them enjoy it.

I sometimes jokingly tell my daughter than uni is wasted on her because she is so “sensible” - but she is happy and we are different people.

Don't we all just want our children to be healthy and happy? Sounds like these young people have their heads screwed on better than some of us at that age had.

What a disgusting attitude to have.

Calling your own child and their partner “boring” because they don’t go out drinking or go on foreign holidays.

I’m fucking appalled. What type of mother thinks like this?

I would be super proud that they are doing what they want and happy - so many people don't. I dont think they will regret anything!

Sometimes more outrageous fun doesn't seem safe enough to try unless / until you've sorted out your finances to be comfortable. Are they saving for a house/wedding/children/paying off debt?

Are they doing ongoing study for careers? Or working in really demanding roles - their weekends sound appealing to lots of people because they're a relief from the busy-ness of the working week.

Working in fields where pictures of them enjoying themselves in perfectly legal ways put on social media would be a problem?

Your other possibility is that they're going to sex clubs or similar as well as doing the walking trips and not discussing it with you because nobody discusses their sex life with their parents.

The world also doesn't feel as safe now as it did pre 2016 or so. Trump, Brexit, COVID, Palestine+ Israel, Musk etc. If you're interested in international travel and do some research you can do it safely but if it's of low interest in the first place it's easy to see why they'd pick UK things.

They might find good walking trips in Wales / Scotland, including some mountaineering ones which would fit most people's descriptions of more adventurous/ a bit risky even with safety precautions. Northern Ireland and Ireland are also worth a look re walking trips.

My friends all went to discos (clubbing) in their late teens, particularly on Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. I preferred to babysit for double-time and save my money. I never did like clubbing. Your DD and her boyfriend sound like they are thoroughly enjoying their lifestyle. Good luck to them!

They are ‘living’ their lives. What you valued is different.

Glad youre not my mum.

Wow, you’re the mother from hell! I’m not surprised your daughter is annoyed with you trying to control their lives. In fact, she might be doing the opposite of what you’re did because she doesn’t want to end up like you.

They’re obviously happy doing what they’re doing, keep your nose out and mind your own business.

My DD and her partner are 26. They spend time going for walks,visiting gardens, baking and cooking. My DD loves jigsaws and painting. Her DP spends time in the park litter picking. If you ask me its a wholesome life, and much more enriching than going clubbing and getting pissed. Leave them be...

Sounds like lovely wholesome relationship. Unlike me, who’s late teens and early twenties are a blur of things I really wish I hadn’t done.

I moved to wider concerns because this thread was a total pile on with no nuance. The op did not come across well but I was trying to see if there may be any grain of truth behind her discomfort - there often is.

none of us know this couple - so my assumptions are just the same as your assumptions. I think on a thread with this much engagement it sometimes bears a bit of a wider discussion rather than the usual “leave them alone” narrative. Which is valid but can get quite dull after nearly 900 posts… I am also bringing my lived and professional experience to a situation i see happening in that generation that may or may not apply to them.

I’m a 28 year old who loves staying in and doing crafts, doesn’t like to drink or go out, and i certainly don’t think that kind of life is boring. I’ve always hate ‘parties’ and the people in that scene are just not my type of people and thats ok. I have been abroad (to Japan this year), but only because I finally felt comfortable doing so.
My dad is now in his 50s and was very much the same and he doesnt regret it! He’s never been abroad and never wants to go. Never been a partier, doesn't drink, ect. Which is why my party girl mum has never given me grief about the way I live.
It would honestly break my heart if I found out my mum was talking about me the way you are talking about your daughter. Being so judgmental just because she’s not doing the exact same thing you did in your twenties is honestly embarrassing…everyone is different, some people just want a nice quiet life with the people they love doing things they love to do.

You wont be told will you. The message is quite clear, stick your neck in and mind your business.

Their life sounds like a dream!
Leave them alone.