DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

I do think fundamentally we are just approaching this from different perspectives. I don't really see a 'lifestyle' here, I just see a perfectly ordinary couple living as I thought most people did. Working, going on holiday, walking the dog.

I'm not really seeing a couple shutting themselves away, never opening the door, etc. I'm not really seeing 'wholesome' or 'homesteader'.

It might be what the OP sees but hasn't really expressed. I'm just struggling to see from what was actually posted anything other than two people who prefer a pint down the pub occasionally to a big night out and like the UK countryside.

Their lives aren't limited to this tiny window of time, even if they do have children. As I said, my parents did stacks of travelling in their 60s. Maybe not the clubs, but that never was their scene.

I think there's a danger in imagining a problem with a life simply because it isn't what you did, which I think OP is doing.

Perhaps she'll return and give more details around her concern.

I’m not really talking about this specific case anymore though - I thought that would be clear. I’m discussing a general malaise that I see in my family and with my clients.

avoidant and isolated are different from being happily introverted. It’s an important distinction. Yes lots of ND people are avoidant - often demand avoidant - and a lot of the work of helping them to manage life in general is helping them to manage the demands - prioritise what is important and learn to live with their tendancy towards avoidance.

unfortunately we can’t avoid everything so we do need to find ways of managing it.

as I say - I am not talking about the ops kid particularly here - it may or may not be the case.

I also love all the things the ops child likes. But I balance it.

This ⬆️

Why do they need to go out to enjoy themselves? If they are happy the way they are and doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong, why does it bother you so much? To them , they aren't wasting their youth, they are doing things that make them feel good. I believe this is a you problem

I understand your concerns as there is a lot to experience, but everyone is different and they could be doing a lot worse. Clearly they are happy and that is the most important thing. Have you spoken to your daughter on a one-to-one and asked her what she thinks about your concerns?

It sounds like they're enjoying a beautiful, stable and happy life together. What on earth could you find wrong with that?

like icemollylolly - i thought there would be a trail of bad behaviour.
They sound quite sane.
So much of life now is about doing stuff which actually in the end provides little sustenance emotionally or spiritually - good for them.
(The only thing I thought of was the old bio clock for the daughter but at 27 she still has a bit of time)

I think this is it too.

Maybe OP could some exciting things herself.

I’m imagining all these mums bragging about what their children are doing and taking social credit for it. But what are they doing?

What a negative basid for friendship, too. Who cares if your friends kids aren't travelling around!

Wtaf is wrong with you seriously..

Living the dream! My husband and I are similar. We now have 4 kids to enjoy it all with too- partying and clubbing is just not a scene we have ever enjoyed. I went a couple of times when i was about 18 and hated it. They are only wasting their youth if they are doing something they don't like! I am now in my mid thirties and still glad we did things our own way.

Must admit at 25 I had my own allotment garden. My favourite holiday place is wales.

Im just an older version of your daughter. We had dogs as well.

Im sorry op but i have to agree with the majority here. Theres nothing wrong with the hobbies they have at the age they are, if anything its rather nice to hear. Usually its people complaining of that age group being anti-social or aggresive so a change is quite refreshing. Let them have their country walks and restore furniture and if its a problem they dont go out clubbing then maybe you could go for the 3 of you to make up for it 😂

Whats wrong with gaming allday? If they have no kids

Never usually feel the need to comment, but this is outrageous. They sound like they're living the ideal life. I'll be delighted if my kids are like this in their twenties - there's FAR worse paths. I think you might be the one who needs to get a life, not them.

Leave them alone 🙄

They are living.
Not everyone is into clubbing, wasting all their money on alcohol etc.

They sound lovely and happy together.

I hope this is a new post, new to this, and called a humpty when I didn't keep up with a post.

I think it's great they get on so well, not everybody wants to be out drinking and having a knees up. Be grateful for it, they sound lovely

What! When I was 27 I had DC and DH and I loved going for walks, baking, spending quality time together. Nothing abnormal about this at all! They sound like they’re enjoying their lives in their 20s!

Agree - the drinking/partying/clubbing lifestyle isn’t very healthy - physically or emotionally.

Lots of people who pursue this lifestyle make unhealthy and risky decisions on a weekly basis. It’s certainly not what I want for my children.

This is hands down one of the most unreasonable posts I’ve ever read.

Lots of young people don't drink, smoke etc. anymore - I think partly due to the cost of going out but also they're away that it's not healthy. They sound happy in their lives so leave them to it!

‘Living a little’ means doing the things you love. You need to understand that not everyone loves the same things just because they happen to be in a certain age group. Lots of people don’t enjoy clubbing etc. If it’s not their thing, an evening spent clubbing just because they felt they needed to conform to your conventional stereotype of what people in their 20s are like, would be an evening wasted. Life is too short to spend it doing what other people think you should be doing.

These are grown adults you’re talking about. They know what they do and don’t enjoy. If they wanted to go out partying, they would. You don’t automatically know what’s best for them just because you’re the parent; they’re grown-ups.

Your daughter is a different person, with different tastes, from you. It's almost as if you're taking that as a criticism of your tastes.

She isn't wasting her life. She's doing what she wants to do.

Why can't people live their lives how they want to do so? We all have different perspectives and priorities on how we wish to enjoy and live our lives. Personally, I think partying a waste of brain cells and an awful way to waste life, waking up with a headache for what? Walks and a nice dinner out is lovely.
People also like to think having children young, or many of them, is a waste of life and so on, and then they soon moan when they are having children later on like it selfish everyone always got something to say on other people's lives.
It's their life, not yours! Leave them to do as they wish they are being happy and responsible you sound bitter It seems.