Should I have lied?

[Lillylillyflower]

I recently broke up with my partner of 10+ years. Despite breaking up and telling him to move out he's still here quite often, he showers here, eats here and has said that he needs to sleep in the sofa until he sorts out accommodation.

My little sister has been staying with me over the summer until she goes back to uni. I obviously told her about our breakup but nothing more. The other day he asked me if I had told her that we had broken up, I said yes. He said he found it weird that she was staying up late considering he needed to sleep in the sofa and asked whether she was doing it on purpose so he couldn't sleep there because I told him I didn't want him staying in the house. I told him that she wasn't and didn't know anything about him staying in the sofa or me wanting him out because she didn't.

My sister found out today and was annoyed at me for telling him. She said it makes it awkward for her whilst he's still around the house and she's here for another 2 weeks until she goes back to uni.She said I should have lied to keep her out of it but I don't think I should have. She thinks I should have lied and said I didn't tell her to keep her from being involved and avoid any awkwardness. I don't think I should have lied and that there's no reason for it to be awkward. Am I being unreasonable for thinking she's overreacting?

So so much odd about this
from start, to finish

this is your home? You wouldn’t think so!

When did you actually split up? What’s the expected timeline for him to move out?

Why is he still there and why do you think it’s your job to fulfil this need.
your sis is being ridiculous, she’s an adult, act like own. People split up, so what.

He didn't even discuss moving out. When I told him he can't sleep in the bedroom. He said he will sleep in the sofa if that will make me happy. I feel like sleeping in the sofa but still living there defeats the purpose of the break up.

And this just got odder

Yes. I would have thought he will be moving out .I told him I didn't want to be with him 2 weeks ago

Whose house is it?

Mine

You said straight away you'd told him to move out but have you actually told him this? Not assumed or guessed his actions... Have you told him to move out?

If so what on earth is he still doing there and why are you allowing it?

Have you actually told him to move out because it doesn't sound like he thinks he needs to be in any rush to leave?

If you are as clear in RL, as you are on this thread, he probably has bugger all idea what’s going on!

You need to tell him to go. Clearly.

I don’t think he knows you’ve split up

Tell him to get tf out your house. So weird, it’s none of his business how late your sister stays up.
Youre being an absolute doormat. Tell him to get him shit together an leave, today!

I just told him I don't want to be with him anymore. I assumed he will move out cause I didn't think he will still be living here after I told him this. He didn't say give me time to move out. He only said I will sleep in the sofa if that will make you happy

You think he knows and he thinks he has come to a compromise but you need to be explicit.

Tell him you want him gone, give him a date so there's no ambiguity and get on with your life.

At that point you needed to say ‘you’ve got a week, by next Sunday you need to have sorted something else out’
At the moment he thinks it’s indefinite and has no intention of putting himself out.

Tell him to move out.
Tell him that he cannot live in your house anymore.

My sister thinks I should have lied to him and said she doesn't know about the break up as telling him she does makes her feel awkward being here. She feels like he might think she's being vindictive by staying up late in the lounge and I have put her in an awkward position as he might think she's part of a plot to kick him out

My sister thinks I should have lied to him and said she doesn't know about the break up as telling him she does makes her feel awkward being here. She feels like he might think she's being vindictive by staying up late in the lounge and I have put her in an awkward position as he might think she's part of a plot to kick him out

if it in your house you do need to get him out

It really doesn't matter about your sister knowing or not, or whether he feels awkward. What matters is that you TELL HIM to move out. Clearly.

Sounds like he may think the breakup is temporary…..has he been looking for other accommodation, give him a month to find a place

Why is this even relevant? Its your house - TELL him to move out!

You’re deflecting and focussing on what your sister said because that feels like it’s easier to deal with than telling your ex to leave. Your problem actually has nothing to do with your sister. You have broken up with your ex and assumed he would just leave but he hasn’t - so tell him to leave. There won’t be a problem with your sister once he’s gone and a distant memory.

Op would I be correct in thinking that perhaps you are quite a vulnerable person