Should I have lied?

[Lillylillyflower]

I recently broke up with my partner of 10+ years. Despite breaking up and telling him to move out he's still here quite often, he showers here, eats here and has said that he needs to sleep in the sofa until he sorts out accommodation.

My little sister has been staying with me over the summer until she goes back to uni. I obviously told her about our breakup but nothing more. The other day he asked me if I had told her that we had broken up, I said yes. He said he found it weird that she was staying up late considering he needed to sleep in the sofa and asked whether she was doing it on purpose so he couldn't sleep there because I told him I didn't want him staying in the house. I told him that she wasn't and didn't know anything about him staying in the sofa or me wanting him out because she didn't.

My sister found out today and was annoyed at me for telling him. She said it makes it awkward for her whilst he's still around the house and she's here for another 2 weeks until she goes back to uni.She said I should have lied to keep her out of it but I don't think I should have. She thinks I should have lied and said I didn't tell her to keep her from being involved and avoid any awkwardness. I don't think I should have lied and that there's no reason for it to be awkward. Am I being unreasonable for thinking she's overreacting?

She's starting next month so she will be gone soon.

I'm sure you saw the correction but chose to ignore that right? Anyway I don't need to prove anything. Whether you believe it or not, that's not the focus or the point of this thread. Thank you

I'm sure you saw the correction but chose to ignore that right? Anyway I don't need to prove anything. Whether you believe it or not, that's not the focus or the point of this thread. Thank you

Yeah the focus of the thread is getting him to leave and you've not addressed how and when your going to do that.

So is it just your sister and him staying up late in the lounge?

Jumped the shark here.
five kids too ? Whaaatt?

Your Dsis is not being unreasonable- he is a dangerous and unpleasant man which you omitted from the OP.
I'd feel the same in her shoes - most people would.
This man needs to leave your home. You know this we know this- you just need to find the strength momentarily to do this.

@Lillylillyflower's sister. Please try and help lilly get the locks changed and involve the police in removing him. For the kids if nothing else....

Separately, I just googled the stormzy scholarship!!! WoW! Wow wow wow! Amazing stuff!!!! you lucky / hard working / talented woman! I hope you use this incredibly opp to the max. 🤩
It gives you a great financial leg up in a climate where opps for social mobility have never been poorer....bloody well done!!!

You having five kids and your sister having the scholarship is all pretty identifying to anyone who knows you OP. It also sounds like your children have been exposed to abuse at home. You neglected to mention that he’s violent. You need to call womens aid and get some advice on how to remove him from your home as safely as possible as he is obviously dangerous. Your kids deserve more than this.

Ok so wait. Your focus is on whether you ought to have lied to your ex to save your sister's awkwardness?
Your sister should be greatful to be a guest in your home for the summer. It's not her house.

You have five kids. There has been domestic violence. Your ex still lives there. Are your sister and your ex contributing financially?

You need to get your ex out now! Move all of his belongings out and inform the police incase he retaliates with violence.

How are your kids dealing with the break up and the chaos?

Please please can it be that someone in the OP’s RL reports this family to SS.

Although I would imagine this is a family with SS involvement already. Extensive and ongoing .

Will it be permanent this time?

You have to work on keeping him out, no more relapses into this violent awful relationship.
The children need your support to show them a better way.
Don't take him back.
Two sisters can make each other proud, wishing your Dsis the best of good luck and you too.
Remove any other belongings from the home for him.

Hello sister, why the fuck do you care about your feelings and have neglected to say how you are safeguarding your 5 nieces / nephews?

Surely the focus is their wellbeing around a violent thief?

Surely you have called social services, the police and a fucking locksmith?

Surely you can support your sister to safeguard her children, regardless of her ability to break up with this man?

I cannot fathom having an argument with my sibling about ‘feeling awkward’ when FIVE children were at risk of harm.

And I agree, the details are very identifying - there are around 10 scholarships of this nature per year - so I am praying and praying that this thread gets picked up by someone who knows you all to ensure social services are supporting those poor poor children.

PROTECT THE CHILDREN FFS.