Should I have lied?

[Lillylillyflower]

I recently broke up with my partner of 10+ years. Despite breaking up and telling him to move out he's still here quite often, he showers here, eats here and has said that he needs to sleep in the sofa until he sorts out accommodation.

My little sister has been staying with me over the summer until she goes back to uni. I obviously told her about our breakup but nothing more. The other day he asked me if I had told her that we had broken up, I said yes. He said he found it weird that she was staying up late considering he needed to sleep in the sofa and asked whether she was doing it on purpose so he couldn't sleep there because I told him I didn't want him staying in the house. I told him that she wasn't and didn't know anything about him staying in the sofa or me wanting him out because she didn't.

My sister found out today and was annoyed at me for telling him. She said it makes it awkward for her whilst he's still around the house and she's here for another 2 weeks until she goes back to uni.She said I should have lied to keep her out of it but I don't think I should have. She thinks I should have lied and said I didn't tell her to keep her from being involved and avoid any awkwardness. I don't think I should have lied and that there's no reason for it to be awkward. Am I being unreasonable for thinking she's overreacting?

This is bizarre!! You've supposedly broken up with him, but he doesn't seen to realise this 😅

I think you need to be FAR clearer in your style of communication!!

My sister is upset with me and thinks I shouldn't have told him she knows. I told her it's my house and didn't think there is anything wrong with me telling him the truth. She just said I've put her in a weird position and I should have lied to protect her.

Well she's not wrong. He should have been gone weeks ago and you're deflection towards your sister doesn't actually solve the problem at hand.

Be honest and clear say he needs to go and stick with that.

Sorry I should have been clear in my post. I tried to edit but can't. I didn't tell him to move out. I assumed breaking up with him will automatically mean he moves out.

Well let’s hope one of you kicks him out !
Why are you being so passive ?

OP, can your sister or someone else you trust support you in getting him out of the house? It sounds like you will need to be firm, give him a date to be gone by and after that time, remove him and his belongings and change the locks. This will be easier if you have someone to stand by you.

Ignore your sister. Just say 'okay, well he'll be out of our lives in 2 weeks max so don't worry about it'

Then, deal with the fact that your ex doesn't appear to know he doesn't live here anymore.
Tell him clearly that he needs to go by the end of the month.

Honestly, this is very strange.

Well why would he if you've not actually asked him to leave.

Why is it so hard to say to him you need to go.

It sounds like he’s got no intention of going any further than the sofa. You need to tell him to leave. Your sister’s discomfort is the least of your problems.

change the locks net time he is out.

Well if she was deliberately staying up late I would have said good for her tbh!

It's your house & he should get the hint & piss off.

Everyone seems far too concerned about your ex!

Stop assuming things and tell him to leave.
THATS what you need to sort out, not who said what to who and when

Kick him out say he has 24 hours to take his shit before you change the locks

Just tell him to move out. This sidebar with your sister will rectify itself once he’s gone.

You don't need a 'plot' to get him to move out! It's your house, tell him he's not welcome anymore and needs to go!

There should be no doubt in his mind that he needs to leave. You're assuming he's going to leave, without actually saying it. It sounds very much like he thinks you've had a bit of a row and you'll make up. You need to clearly tell him it's over and he needs to leave.

The point of a plot is that the target doesn't know about it. He does know you want him out, so... what?

In the grand scheme of things it’s odd that
you are focusing on your annoyance with your sister and not the fact that your ex boyfriend is sleeping on your sofa and you haven’t told him to leave.
Sister is being really odd and immature.

Erm. What are you doing?!

Tell him to leave! I can see why you were together if he doesn't have the social skills to know the fact you no longer have sex means he leaves, not downgrades himself to a lodger, and you would rather cheerily wave him off to work every morning than ask him to move out!

Is your sister in a spare room?

Id be worried he’s waiting for her to go back to Uni and then planning to just move in her room if so.

you need to explicitly tell him he needs to move out.

This is so peculiar OP

The issue of your sister is second to why you feel unable to be assertive and tell him to leave - are you scared of him?

Do you find it difficult expressing yourself?

But clearly that isnt the case. So you need to tell him that you are no longer together and therefore he is not welcome in your house. Clearly if you dont tell him to leave he isnt going to leave

He said he will stay with his friend till she goes back to uni and come back and stay on the sofa. I just told him he can't come back even after she leaves. He left yesterday.

Geezo. Tell him to leave and to sort out his housing himself like an adult.

@Lillylillyflower he's still here quite often, so where does he go when he is not there??? your house, you have split up, he leaves! that is the order of things. you dont feed him, you dont let him shower and you dont keep a roof over his head!!! get rid of him! he is using your good nature

Change the locks on your home.