Should I have lied?

[Lillylillyflower]

I recently broke up with my partner of 10+ years. Despite breaking up and telling him to move out he's still here quite often, he showers here, eats here and has said that he needs to sleep in the sofa until he sorts out accommodation.

My little sister has been staying with me over the summer until she goes back to uni. I obviously told her about our breakup but nothing more. The other day he asked me if I had told her that we had broken up, I said yes. He said he found it weird that she was staying up late considering he needed to sleep in the sofa and asked whether she was doing it on purpose so he couldn't sleep there because I told him I didn't want him staying in the house. I told him that she wasn't and didn't know anything about him staying in the sofa or me wanting him out because she didn't.

My sister found out today and was annoyed at me for telling him. She said it makes it awkward for her whilst he's still around the house and she's here for another 2 weeks until she goes back to uni.She said I should have lied to keep her out of it but I don't think I should have. She thinks I should have lied and said I didn't tell her to keep her from being involved and avoid any awkwardness. I don't think I should have lied and that there's no reason for it to be awkward. Am I being unreasonable for thinking she's overreacting?

Yes because she wanted to see if she is being unreasonable for getting upset with me for putting her in an awkward position. She wanted me to lie and say she didn't know until she goes back to uni then she wouldn't have to see him.

Poor kids.

I haven't voted as OP isn't focussing on the major problem. OP please listen to the sensible advice that's been given on this thread!

Whether your sister thinks you should have lied is by the by and (IMO) irrelevant

Sister-here, I honestly feel that if there is anywhere else you can stay when not at uni, it would be a good idea to go there. This seems to be a toxic set-up and you really don't need that when you are trying to work for a degree! If the ex is eventually got out of the house long term, then it might be reasonable to come back in your vacations, but not until that has happened.

(By the way, as far as I can make out the only universities which start later than last week or this are Oxford and Cambridge, and if you are at one of those, congratulations! Don't let your sister's chaos mess up your work there.)

Change the locks.
Involve the police.
Poor children.

Thread deleted -

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The poster has real life concerns

The poster is a previously banned poster

We have concerns and are looking behind the scenes

Take your pick!

If she wanted you to lie, she should've said so when you told her you'd spilt up. Not that you necessarily would have but without her saying so you would never assume it was some big secret.

Tell her it is what it is and if she doesn't like it she's more than welcome to go and sleep in an air b&b or hotel.

He is not being kicked out, she only told him she doesn’t want to be with him anymore but never made it clear that he has to leave. they will make up within the week and go back to status quo. this has been going on for over 10 years with domestic abuse and 5 poor kids in the mix.

Frankly if I was DS I wouldn’t stay there to avoid getting sucked into the drama.

The priority for @Lillylillyflower and sister is how to break free from this abusive idiot instead of this waste of time on mumsnet arguing over if she should have lied to him about your sister knowing or not.

So do you own the property or do you rent it OP and is your partner not on the title or rental agreement?. Does he pay towards the rent/ mortgage and bills etc and so seems to feel like he has a right to stay. Do you work and have your own money? If he is violent I would take the advice of pp and change the locks while he is gone. Hope you and the children are safe

She's at Cambridge.

So how you gonna get him to leave?

The sister thing is irrelevant, you need to tell him to move out

“I assumed he will move out cause I didn't think he will still be living here after I told him this”

Don’t ever assume anything - tell him; bag up his stuff and change the locks. If this toxic situation has been on and off for ten years, it’s time to put an end to it. Your poor children can’t know whether they’re coming or going. This is ridiculous. As for,your sister, why should she expect you to lie? She too is taking advantage of your hospitality, and it shouldn’t matter whether she stays up watching telly or not - the problem is your partner. For heaven’s sake, draw the line and make it permanent - I don’t know how any of you can live like this.
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Frankly if I was DS I wouldn’t stay there to avoid getting sucked into the drama.
The priority for Lillylillyflower and sister is how to break free from this abusive idiot instead of this waste of time on mumsnet arguing over if she should have lied to him about your sister knowing or not.

Absolutely!

If he's that unpredictable then I would have thought anything could set him off.

It's not a doddle getting a degree there, so the less she is involved in your problems the better, I would say.

In any case, you need to tell the ex to sling his hook and give her a chance for a bit of ordinary life next vacation!

OP should be concentrating on her 5 children not her uni sister, who, had a go at the OP due to OP telling her the truth, regarding the situation with her about abusive partner.

She is not 🤣 She can't spell immature!

Cambridge have obviously lowered their standards 😆

She's definitely at Cambridge. She was in a rush. She's a very clever girl with 9 A* in her A levels and worked very hard to get into Cambridge. She's also on a scholarship by Stormzy.

I mean all A*

stormzy is paying for her scholarship? and she did 9 A levels?

Absolute bollocks! At least I hope it is, or those 5 kids don’t stand a chance…

Agree...

It’s late. I’ve caught up with all posts.

but, surely… he’s staying away, change the locks, wave DSiS off back to ‘Cambridge’, submit child support claim, jobs a good ‘un.