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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I have lied?

164 replies

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 15:12

I recently broke up with my partner of 10+ years. Despite breaking up and telling him to move out he's still here quite often, he showers here, eats here and has said that he needs to sleep in the sofa until he sorts out accommodation.

My little sister has been staying with me over the summer until she goes back to uni. I obviously told her about our breakup but nothing more. The other day he asked me if I had told her that we had broken up, I said yes. He said he found it weird that she was staying up late considering he needed to sleep in the sofa and asked whether she was doing it on purpose so he couldn't sleep there because I told him I didn't want him staying in the house. I told him that she wasn't and didn't know anything about him staying in the sofa or me wanting him out because she didn't.

My sister found out today and was annoyed at me for telling him. She said it makes it awkward for her whilst he's still around the house and she's here for another 2 weeks until she goes back to uni.She said I should have lied to keep her out of it but I don't think I should have. She thinks I should have lied and said I didn't tell her to keep her from being involved and avoid any awkwardness. I don't think I should have lied and that there's no reason for it to be awkward. Am I being unreasonable for thinking she's overreacting?

OP posts:
FatAgain · 22/09/2025 23:57

9 A-levels - imagine that - well I think you already did 🤣

NorthernLass2025 · 23/09/2025 00:24

Gee whizz I feel sorry for ex and sister your as avoidant of setting things properly straight with everyone. Grow up and sort it

EmeraldShamrock000 · 23/09/2025 00:28

What is the point on lying.
Give him a time frame to move out.
Was your Dsis watching TV with him at night? It's a bit odd pretending she doesn't know that he is waiting to sleep on the chair. 😬
Oh it is a tag team. Strange post.

JustJoinedRightNow · 23/09/2025 00:35

Wait Stormzy is paying her scholarship? The rapper? I'm so confused

EmeraldShamrock000 · 23/09/2025 00:41

JustJoinedRightNow · 23/09/2025 00:35

Wait Stormzy is paying her scholarship? The rapper? I'm so confused

Stormzy, whose real name is Michael Ebenazer Kwadjo Omari Owuo Jr, launched the Stormzy Scholarship in 2018, which funds black UK students to study at the university. The 32-year-old recently received an honorary Doctorate in Law from Cambridge for his programme.
That's a fantastic idea.
Good for him

JifNtGif · 23/09/2025 00:58

JustJoinedRightNow · 23/09/2025 00:35

Wait Stormzy is paying her scholarship? The rapper? I'm so confused

You know you can just Google gaps in your knowledge right ? It's been pretty well publicised over the years.

JustJoinedRightNow · 23/09/2025 01:48

Oh wow thanks for that. Being Australian I haven't seen any news on that, hence why I asked. I did google and didn't see it. But thanks for being a sarcastic cow about it! Cheers!

bluebettyy · 23/09/2025 01:57

Assumptions are not communications

XWKD · 23/09/2025 02:02

Your sister is being unreasonable. It's your house, and that goes for her as much as him.

Mothership4two · 23/09/2025 02:09

I know several people who went to Cambridge. I am pretty sure I have never met anyone with 9 Alevels - that I am aware of anyway. 🤔

TeaAndTattoos · 23/09/2025 02:26

9 A levels?? The most you can do is 5 not 9.

99bottlesofkombucha · 23/09/2025 02:31

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:01

My sister is upset with me and thinks I shouldn't have told him she knows. I told her it's my house and didn't think there is anything wrong with me telling him the truth. She just said I've put her in a weird position and I should have lied to protect her.

Jesus Christ op. Forget about telling a hundred posters individually what your sister thinks and get up away from the screen and go tell your ex to move out!! Not to the sofa, to another place? It’s your house- change the locks.

Isittimeformynapyet · 23/09/2025 02:53

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:01

My sister is upset with me and thinks I shouldn't have told him she knows. I told her it's my house and didn't think there is anything wrong with me telling him the truth. She just said I've put her in a weird position and I should have lied to protect her.

Why do you keep repeating this?

Presumably someone has already pointed out by now that nobody sleeps "in" sofas. He is sleeping on the sofa.

Isittimeformynapyet · 23/09/2025 03:01

Squeeky112 · 22/09/2025 16:24

If it is your house, and not his in any way, change the locks NOW and throw his stuff out. If he turns up, don't let him in AT ALL. If he gets arsey about it, call the police. Otherwise he will stay forever.
And reconcile with your sister. This issue isn't about her.

Well, she could try explaining it to him first. Then go scorched earth if he still doesn't move out.

Isittimeformynapyet · 23/09/2025 03:15

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 17:33

Yes because she wanted to see if she is being unreasonable for getting upset with me for putting her in an awkward position. She wanted me to lie and say she didn't know until she goes back to uni then she wouldn't have to see him.

Surely you mean until YOU go back to university 🙄

kkloo · 23/09/2025 03:16

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:47

Sister here. I am staying here short term. This is an on and off relationship that has been on and off for 10+ years. It's also been extremely toxic and this is a man who isn't been above inflicting violence on my sister, aswell as constant theft and cheating but they are still together and he is constantly around. My only grievance is that he didn't need to know that I am aware of their situation right now whilst I am still living here and when he hasn't fully moved out. I don't feel particularly safe around him or comfortable, especially if he thinks I'm being vindictive, I'm worried he might be angered and do something . I'd hope I'd never be in harms way but I don't put anything past anyone, especially not someone who's caused harm previously.

I don't think it's imature or odd for me to hope that she wouldn't involve me by telling him I know, and potentially causing me to experience hostility or a tense atmosphere until she is finally strict about kicking him out which is not happening as of yet, and I don't expect it to for a while due to past experience.

Wouldn't even cross my mind to lie in this scenario, if you didn't want him to know then you should have said that to your sister beforehand.

kkloo · 23/09/2025 03:16

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:47

Sister here. I am staying here short term. This is an on and off relationship that has been on and off for 10+ years. It's also been extremely toxic and this is a man who isn't been above inflicting violence on my sister, aswell as constant theft and cheating but they are still together and he is constantly around. My only grievance is that he didn't need to know that I am aware of their situation right now whilst I am still living here and when he hasn't fully moved out. I don't feel particularly safe around him or comfortable, especially if he thinks I'm being vindictive, I'm worried he might be angered and do something . I'd hope I'd never be in harms way but I don't put anything past anyone, especially not someone who's caused harm previously.

I don't think it's imature or odd for me to hope that she wouldn't involve me by telling him I know, and potentially causing me to experience hostility or a tense atmosphere until she is finally strict about kicking him out which is not happening as of yet, and I don't expect it to for a while due to past experience.

Wouldn't even cross my mind to lie in this scenario, if you didn't want him to know then you should have said that to your sister beforehand.

kkloo · 23/09/2025 03:16

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:47

Sister here. I am staying here short term. This is an on and off relationship that has been on and off for 10+ years. It's also been extremely toxic and this is a man who isn't been above inflicting violence on my sister, aswell as constant theft and cheating but they are still together and he is constantly around. My only grievance is that he didn't need to know that I am aware of their situation right now whilst I am still living here and when he hasn't fully moved out. I don't feel particularly safe around him or comfortable, especially if he thinks I'm being vindictive, I'm worried he might be angered and do something . I'd hope I'd never be in harms way but I don't put anything past anyone, especially not someone who's caused harm previously.

I don't think it's imature or odd for me to hope that she wouldn't involve me by telling him I know, and potentially causing me to experience hostility or a tense atmosphere until she is finally strict about kicking him out which is not happening as of yet, and I don't expect it to for a while due to past experience.

Wouldn't even cross my mind to lie in this scenario, if you didn't want him to know then you should have said that to your sister beforehand.

kkloo · 23/09/2025 03:16

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:47

Sister here. I am staying here short term. This is an on and off relationship that has been on and off for 10+ years. It's also been extremely toxic and this is a man who isn't been above inflicting violence on my sister, aswell as constant theft and cheating but they are still together and he is constantly around. My only grievance is that he didn't need to know that I am aware of their situation right now whilst I am still living here and when he hasn't fully moved out. I don't feel particularly safe around him or comfortable, especially if he thinks I'm being vindictive, I'm worried he might be angered and do something . I'd hope I'd never be in harms way but I don't put anything past anyone, especially not someone who's caused harm previously.

I don't think it's imature or odd for me to hope that she wouldn't involve me by telling him I know, and potentially causing me to experience hostility or a tense atmosphere until she is finally strict about kicking him out which is not happening as of yet, and I don't expect it to for a while due to past experience.

Wouldn't even cross my mind to lie in this scenario, if you didn't want him to know then you should have said that to your sister beforehand.

kkloo · 23/09/2025 03:17

Sorry for the multiple comments, MN is glitching for me today and posting multiple times.

Iwishthiswasnottrue · 23/09/2025 03:23

Why are you letting him stay. Just kick him out.

beready2025 · 23/09/2025 04:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Fruitlips · 23/09/2025 06:19

There is zero point giving this op advice

even if she does get him out, there will be another boyfriend around the corner and baby number 6 shortly thereafter.

Lillylillyflower · 23/09/2025 06:44

Floralhousecoat · 22/09/2025 22:57

stormzy is paying for her scholarship? and she did 9 A levels?

I corrected it. I pressed 9 by mistake. Typing mistakes happens. She got A* s in all her GSCE's and A levels. Yes and Stormzy have a scholarship at Cambridge University. A little research goes a long way. Anyway it's a little childish to concentrate on whether she goes to Cambridge or not. That's not the focus. Thanks

OP posts:
Lillylillyflower · 23/09/2025 06:46

Isittimeformynapyet · 23/09/2025 03:15

Surely you mean until YOU go back to university 🙄

Sorry to confuse u. I posted this thread. My sister who is at uni only replied to one comment.

OP posts: