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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP not enjoying our “Special time” before the baby arrives.

512 replies

LaniJen · 21/09/2025 14:15

Me and DP agreed in the early weeks of my pregnancy that we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there. I was really looking forward to this – time to just slow down, cook together, chat, and just enjoy being the two of us before everything changes.
DP can run his business remotely so it wasn’t an issue. I honestly thought we were having a lovely time.
But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here.
I feel a bit crushed. I thought this was a special time for us, but clearly he’s not feeling the same.
AIBU to be upset that he isn’t enjoying this “just us” time before the baby? Or do I need to accept that he might just find it boring, even if I don’t?

OP posts:
TallulahLikesHoola · 21/09/2025 14:16

Is it your parents 'home' or a property of theirs?
Home sounds like they live there too.

Enko · 21/09/2025 14:17

You are staying at your family house presumedly in your childhood home..

Aka you are home and he is not. He will feel like a guest and find it less easy to relax. Unlike you that are with your core family feeling cocooned and safe.

Neither of you are unreasonable you just didn't figure in how different this experience would be for you both

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:17

In your parent’s home

so not alone time at all

how does he get on with your parents?

KilkennyCats · 21/09/2025 14:18

Isn’t all time before the baby arrives “just you” time? Confused
Why do you need to uproot to someone else’s home?

ThisAmberOrca · 21/09/2025 14:19

It would be my idea of hell. i would do it for my partner (and he’s doing it for you!), but i wouldn’t enjoy it at all. especially just before a baby arrives- you will have years of spending at home (babysitters are incredibly expensive)

Overtheatlantic · 21/09/2025 14:19

It sounds like you have romanticised the idea because you are in the nesting phase of your life, and want things to be a certain way. He isn’t necessarily feeling the same way, which isn’t wrong, but it’s a good reminder to check in with each other and try to be on the same page.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 21/09/2025 14:19

He won’t be getting the same hormonal desire to prepare so likely went along with the idea rather than loving the idea. Any reason why you couldnt relax at home?

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:19

time to just slow down, cook together, chat, and just enjoy being the two of us before everything changes.

and you couldn’t have done this in yours and his home?

MuttsNutts · 21/09/2025 14:20

He’s bored, I can understand that, it does sound a bit boring to be honest. And he’s at your parents’ house so, however well they get on, he won’t be able to fully relax like he would at home. I hate staying with family so I think you’ve done well to get him to agree to it in the first place.

It sounds intense - 24/7 with each other but not on your own like you would be on holiday. But each to their own…just sounds like your idea of a lovely time doesn’t exactly match your DH’s.

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:20

I wanted to be at home before the birth personally, nesting and endlessly walking in and out of the nursery and pottering around. At home.

MaggieBsBoat · 21/09/2025 14:22

But why not your home?? Your parents home where he is a guest? Sounds uncomfortable and decidedly boring. Of course he’s probably bored. Sitting around and chatting about what exactly? Doing what?

LavenderSweetPea · 21/09/2025 14:22

It's not unreasonable for him to feel bored. He's not in his own home with whatever things he usually does available to him. You're heavily pregnant and that presumably means a slower pace is suiting you nicely but I guess it's not suiting him and that's ok. I understand that you'd feel deflated that you've found out he's not having the good time you are, but to be honest I think it's nice that he's gone along with this and isn't complaining about it to you and bringing you down, he's putting you and what you want first.

SwanRivers · 21/09/2025 14:22

Oh I don't know it all sounds very dreamy and sugary sweet OP, like something out of a Mills and Boon?

It might be ok for you, but it doesn't sound as though it is for him.

Could you not spend time together in your own home?

Deepbluesea1 · 21/09/2025 14:22

He isn't pregnant, he doesn't go through the same motions as you.

agree, picking your parents home for this periods is odd. I would have just stayed in my own 4 walls. this 'just the 2 of of us cooking and chatting time before the baby arrives' sounds quite forced. It just isn't for everyone.

Just chillax, put your legs up, let's him or your parents pamper you and don't overthink it.

MagneticSquirrel · 21/09/2025 14:24

YABU - it does sound boring. Presumably he’s not seeing his friends, going to the gym or hobbies? Are you going out in the evenings and weekends? Or is it only working at home and staying home?

Also don’t understand why you didn’t stay in your own home - more work to go to your parents I’d have thought

Original poster
LaniJen · 21/09/2025 14:24

My parents aren’t here. I wouldn’t make him live with the in-laws for weeks at a time. They are abroad at the moment.

OP posts:
KilkennyCats · 21/09/2025 14:25

LaniJen · 21/09/2025 14:24

My parents aren’t here. I wouldn’t make him live with the in-laws for weeks at a time. They are abroad at the moment.

But why do you want to be in someone else’s home instead of your own?

Waitaminutewheresmejumper · 21/09/2025 14:25

Tbh, hanging out at someone else's parents house while trying to work and having to have deep conversations intermittently does sound really shit. Good on him for going, he's clearly trying but you have planned something very tedious. If the baby is late, are you going to be doing this for 3 whole weeks??

Littlemisscapable · 21/09/2025 14:25

Gosh I couldn't relax before baby arrived it was like relaxing at a station while waiting for a train to arrive. If you parents are living there then you are being wildly unreasonable and romanticising unnecessarily about this special time. How could you husband relax with inlaws while waiting for baby. Also he might be stressing about work and trying to get stuff done before baby comes. Most people are working up to the date , this is a bit of a luxury. Accept that you have different takes on this time and do your own thing..

SwanRivers · 21/09/2025 14:27

LaniJen · 21/09/2025 14:24

My parents aren’t here. I wouldn’t make him live with the in-laws for weeks at a time. They are abroad at the moment.

Even stranger then.

Why not your own home?

FrankieCranky · 21/09/2025 14:27

This sounds like an odd setup. Basically, if he’s being a kind a loving partner to you, great. But he is allowed to have his own feelings about things and it does sound a bit stifling and claustrophobic to me.

Megifer · 21/09/2025 14:28

Sorry op, this wouldnt be for me. It sounds pretty suffocating, unnecessary, and very twee.

But if he knew it wouldnt be his thing he shouldn't have agreed to it.

If hes now realising its not for him, then i think hes allowed to find it boring now.

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:29

LaniJen · 21/09/2025 14:24

My parents aren’t here. I wouldn’t make him live with the in-laws for weeks at a time. They are abroad at the moment.

this just got odder so he’s away from his own home and creature comforts, and kipping at his in laws, to cook and spend time together… when you could have just done that at home.

not like you’ll be hiking in the country

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:30

But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here.

How did him trying to connect to blue tooth result in you being able to see a message exchange?

Shitmonger · 21/09/2025 14:31

we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there.

Am I the only one that thinks it’s odd to want to give birth in your parents’ home?